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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Very large lady next to me at theatre

603 replies

redbedheadd · 13/06/2019 18:47

Went to theatre today and the lady next to me was so large I was left with no space at all. My legs were aching by the end as they were pushed together and I couldn't move at all. She kept repeatedly elbowing and jostling me without an apology.

AIBU to be irritated?

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 16:25

It's not greed, it's caution and forward planning.

CoffeeMilkNoSugar · 15/06/2019 16:41

...until the hypertension, coronary heart disease, type 2 diabetes and fatty liver get you and put a painful stop to your forward planning

DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 16:52

Well I think that it's an excellent plan and I'm off to scoff some additional snax to prove it. I also intend to live until I'm 130 so that'll be the scientific proof we need to quell the doubters.

I shall resurrect this thread in 81 years with the proof that I am still alive!

CarolinePooter · 15/06/2019 16:59

Dangly you will be well able to survive if there's another Ice Age!

DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 17:11

I most definitely will Caroline my snax training will ensure it, and do you know, I quite fancy an ice age to relieve my hot flushes., in fact I reckon I could personally melt the ice cap if they put me near it.

I might get into the fridge for bit actually.

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 18:42

Dangly just spill into one of these meanies seats for some frost.

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 18:45

Dangly you'll live forever in my infarcted heart.

DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 18:54

Thigh it's a good job we're on this thread isn't it? Everyone else seems quite insane!

I think we add an air of both authority and dignity to the proceedings.

Not to mention sincerity and aplomb!

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 18:59

Well quite Dangly, it's very good of us really. Shall we go home now? We'll watch this place from a distance and be right back if needed Hmm

DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 19:03

Yes Thigh let's head back to our own land, our work here is done for today.

NinjaInFluffyPJs · 15/06/2019 19:04

Shutting down a normal debate because you don't like the topic, by being childish is never a "good job" 🙄
But go pat yourself on a back if you must.

There are valid opinions from both sides of an argument and you are just making a mockery of it all. Things like this will eventually have to be discussed properly since it is affecting people of all sizes.

CoffeeMilkNoSugar · 15/06/2019 19:24

This reply has been deleted

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pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 19:28

Bear Not childish

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 19:29

There wasn't a debate, it's just crap, it's anti diversity, revulsion and faux concern.

DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 19:35

This reply has been deleted

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M3lon · 15/06/2019 21:26

oooohhhh missus....its all kicked off in here.....

Probably the smell of vomit making people all antsy.

LolaSmiles · 15/06/2019 21:45

Well that escalated quickly to think it's a simple moan about someone encroaching into someone else's seat.

ProjectGainsborough · 15/06/2019 23:12

What does the debate actually achieve though? Unless up and down the country, theatre owners are putting down MN and leaping up to redesign their seating, all this thread has done is make some people feel shit about themselves.

manicinsomniac · 15/06/2019 23:32

Surely what it comes down to is that we live in a diverse society and, if we want to be able to go out and about enjoying life, we have to put up with things and people we'd rather not on a fairly regular basis.

Unless you want to ban everyone over 6ft, everyone over a Size 20, everyone who makes noise (voluntary or involuntary), everyone who eats and most small children from the theatre, you're never going to achieve the ideal environment for everybody.

Personally, I would much rather see the show and be squashed than be sat behind a tall person and have my view blocked. I would much rather hear the show and be squashed than be sat near noisy people. Because I am skinny, don't suffer from a pain disorder and don't have sensory issues but am very short, sensitive to noise, hate food smells/noise and love (almost) all theatre.

Someone else might be able to cope without a good view or with a certain amount of noise as long as they were comfortable.

In a public place where anyone has the right to attend, no person is guaranteed the environment they would like or have paid for. The experience can be spoiled by any number of things that are cause by (though probably not the fault of) another member of the public with an equal right to be there. It's pot luck and part of being in society.

I just try to remember a very powerful lesson I learned from a thread years ago about whether a child with special needs should have left a theatre production because he was making very loud noises and the OP felt their ticket money was wasted - a person whose experience is spoiled by someone doing something they can't help is only going to have that one experience spoiled. The person who 'caused' the issue has to put up with judgement, disapproval and guilt every time they try to engage in a normal social life

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 23:39

Manic Bravo - what an excellent post.

Dinosforall · 16/06/2019 00:21

People rage internally and here precisely because they know they can't make their feelings plain in person.

I think the strength of feeling on this is partly due to having to suppress the fight or flight response to having your space invaded (physically/auditorially).

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 16/06/2019 07:58

a person whose experience is spoiled by someone doing something they can't help is only going to have that one experience spoiled. The person who 'caused' the issue has to put up with judgement, disapproval and guilt every time they try to engage in a normal social life

If it's a once in a lifetime experience that someone has saved for for years then they are entitled to be upset. It isn't unreasonable to expect to get what you pay for.

NinjaInFluffyPJs · 16/06/2019 08:32

As much as I like @manicinsomniac lovey post, I do think that responsibility should be on both sides. One side being more tolerant and the other taking precautions in certain settings.
Also people should get what we pay for. That's why people are paying for it.

I still believe that people should be allowed to discuss things which affect them as long as they are polite.
I am foreign, when someone tells me that there is too many of us and we are stealing jobs I don't tell them to fuck off and stop being racist.
I ask them which jobs. Then I turn discussion into why the jobs aren't filled by locals and similar things. IME that makes just a massive difference and actually can teach both sides about the other. And I had never had bad experience with this. People are actually happy they can voice their opinion and discuss their worries about this.
But if I shoot it down, everyone will be just quietly fuming and then... Well, Brexit happens🤷‍♀️

Obesity topic is actually being treated even worse than what could be perceived a rasist topic. It affects people, that's clear. It affects everyone. Should people just quietly fume until it explodes? Should people like @WanderingBar have to leave a theatre? Absolutely no.
Should obese people just not go anywhere? Absolutely no.
Even these uncomfortable discussions can be beneficial. There was one about flights and lots of people had no idea they can book an extra "comfort seat" with low cost airlines. Now they know which can make few more confident to fly.
Also even if the theatre owners don't read MN... Well, no one was listening to any debates at the beginning, but they lead to bigger ones and then changes. If no discussion happens, no changes can possibly follow.

pineapplebryanbrown · 16/06/2019 08:33

Daisies and if that persons once in a lifetime experience is spoiled by a tall person sitting exactly in front of her so that she is unable to see I would feel awful for her.

pineapplebryanbrown · 16/06/2019 08:46

Nin I understand what you mean but there is a venom reserved for fat people that I object to. Imagine if I said that I did not want to ever sit next to anyone who eats curry due to the smell ruining my experience. Quite rightly there would be outrage. Imagine if I tutted and moaned about sitting next to a disabled person because their prosthetic leg touched me?

If a tall person is in front of me I can't see the production, I just can't, I might as well leave. But there isn't the same vitriol for any other group.

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