to say "no" to MIL who wants to come today?

[Tommy]

My MIL is generally a nice person but sometimes I find her a bit "spoilt" when she doesn't get to do what she wants.

She has just phoned me to ask if they can come up today to mow the lawn as DH told her yesterday (just chatting on the phone) that he hadn't had the chance to do it because of the rain.

I evenually managed to decline politely.

Thing is: if they come it will be the whole day (til bed time)
DS1 has a friend coming to play for whole day
I will have to entertain them and feed them even though she will say she doesn't want to put me out.
I find it quite stressful having them here especially when DH is out (he's at work today).

I got the impression that she was a bit put out (emotional blackmail?!) and she said "Well, we won't see you now til 19th August" (pre arranged visit)

IABU to expect a bit more notice and some understanding that we do have plans over the holidays?

God no, YANBU

you don't have a duty to entertain uninvited guests for the whole day at any time

if they rang and said "we would like to come over and see you one day next week, which day would suit you?" and you said no sorry, too busy, THAT would probably be a bit unreasonable. But I still wouldn't blame you

Can they go and mow my lawn instead?

YANBU

I would rather have a lawn 6 foot high than have my inlaws over for the day. I would rather cut the grass with my own teeth.

ROFL at franny

thank you for the shows of support more recently!!

I didn't think I was being unreasonable to be honest.

MIL doesn't really ask if she can come, she just sort of announces that she's going to IYSWIM. It would not be a problem if DH had been here or if we hadn't already made other plans although I do like to have a bit more notice as I would have had to get lunch etc in for them which I don't have at the moment!

Felt a bit battered at the beginning of the thread but feel much better now

LOL at Franny

Haven't read whole thread just first few posts. Disagree with the majority who say you are unreasonable. It is short notice and you have other plans (ds's friend coming). i would think you were being unreasonable if they had said something like 'can we come over one day this week' but to ask to come that day isn't the same. Don't think its unreasonable of them to ask but they have to expect that you might have other plans and can't accommodate them all the time. Disagree with spidermama's post saying they have the RIGHT to come - sure you should accommodate grandparents as much as possible unless you have a very good reason not to but this doesn't mean they can come at the drop of a hat when it suits them and not mind your wishes!

Think they sound like diamonds though. Maybe call back and ask if there's another time in the next week or two that they would like to come instead to see their ds?

good ness me leave poor girl alone. its so annoying when youv got to fit ya day around people as it is. they should come at weekend when your husband there. i find it hard to entertain the in laws. id tell them its ok your husband will do the lawn just tell them your child has a friend over so you ll be too rushed

I don't think you're being unreasonable - they should come when your dh is there - he's their son after all.

YANBU in the slightest
It really irritates me when people say "we're coming round but just get on with whatever you were doing" but you just can't!
You have to make cups of tea, meals and sit and chat. Nice of them to offer to mow your lawn but is it high on your list of priorities??

I agree with Franny in every detail

Glad to see that others think YANBU too. At the beginning I thought I was the only one.

Hope you had a great day Tommy. at least the sun was shining down here.

Yeah, YANBU. I never let people just announce they're coming. If they ask and it's not convenient, then it's just tough.

Did you ask them to cut the lawn for you? I'd really rather not have other people come and do things like that personally. My MIL always implies that I'm not managing and it gets my goat.

And it IS blackmail to try and make you feel bad for not letting her come over. Your MIL isn't a child - she must realise that you've got other stuff going on.