To tell this woman?

[lucymegan]

Today it is cold and wet here I've got a big coat on and am still cold and wet through.
This morning on the school run I saw this woman who I see everyday. She has two boys one aged 2 and the other is 1 years old. This morning she had the baby at the front of the double buggy with just pjs on. No coat no shoes or socks no rain cover literally just pjs and no vest underneath. The baby's clothes were stuck to him where they were so wet. He clearly wasn't well either with green not running down his face. I couldn't believe my eyes, where is people's common sense? She does this all the time. On the coldest days in winter that baby didn't have a blanket or train cover over him. What makes it worse is she is fast at getting about. Let's the two year old walk instead of putting him the buggy and getting places faster. It's bugged me all day and I wish I had said something.

Would you of said anything?

I am a nurse and did and adult and child protection course last week and it was so interesting on picking up signs of neglect/abuse. It may seem extreme to pick up on something minor but then if somebody had of bothered with the likes of baby P, Daniel Pelka etc they may have been saved from their abusers.

StBernard That was a very kind thing to do there, well done:)

FWIW i do remeber that me and more sister were out in all weathers with sod all warm colthing as our mum hardley wore any! a tee shirt was all she needed to keep warm in the roughest winter she thought the same with us but somehow we survived and were hardely ever ill like her as tough and old nails and boots!

This was now sometime ago. She and old gran didnt want us to be "mollycoddled" so they said, suppose we werent!

OP why not try to chat to this lady like St Bernard did and see if she might talk to you perhaps?.

Definitely don't ignore it.

If it was a one off unfortunate situation then they have nothing to worry about.

If she's neglecting her kids and leaving them cold and wet, making them ill or prolonging an illness, she needs help to get them help.

'Mind your own business' isn't sensible advice. Imagine the state of some poor kids lives if everyone minded their own.

nah its neglect. whether she has reasons to do it or not.. its neglect.

Good for you op you did the right thing.

@NannyRed It's not cold??? It's 6 degrees where I am in North Yorkshire! And even if it isn't, letting a baby (and a poorly one) get soaking wet in his bloody pyjamas is NEGLECT!!!!!

@graziemille567 Did you see it happen again? Does she still have her kids?

Maybe when she went out it wasn't raining and seemed warm enough?
I've got some funny looks when taking my dd to nursery, she's capable of walking but I often carry her as the bus doesn't stop near nursery and unfortunately there isn't anywhere to store buggies. In the rain obv we've both got our coats on, hoods up but when carrying her, often her leggings rise up and expose her ankles etc in the freezing cold rain. I don't take an umbrella simply because have you had to carry a 1yrs old, nursery bag, handbag and sometimes lunch bag? An umbrella would be pretty impossible to manage.

Neglect.

You did the right thing, she may need help and doesn't know how to ask or who to get help from? We all need to remember that very young children and also animals cannot articulate their distress to anyone if they are subjected to awful or neglectful treatment, so if you see it, you should intervene wherever you can, reporting to the school or social services. Some people genuinely have no concept of how to care for a child, she may have been neglected herself and not know any better, reporting may give her the support and help she needs to make a better life for all of the family

Even if the child was running a fever why would you not put a raincover on the pushchair to keep the baby dry?

I am aware the mum may have problems, but it was mentioned she smokes and had a coat while the poor baby was just in pjs .
I think op you are kind and just concerned about the children. Better to say something ( the school perhaps) . Better a false alarm than something wrong .

You were right to report. But fuck off with the judgey smoking comment.

@ArseHair it wasn't a judgey comment I was simply saying that if she can afford to smoke she can buy a coat/rain cover for her kid. I smoked for 20 years how would I be judging a smoker?

Social services. Either directly or via the school. Poor baby

@MummyParanoia101 it was a few years ago and I went on mat leave not long after so not sure what happened. But it didn't look likely that she would keep her kids, there were so many safeguarding issues there that it seemed inevitable that her kids would be removed from her care eventually.

This is so sad. Even if it wasn't raining when she left she could have taken her own coat off for her baby. If we get caught out in the rain or the temperature suddenly drops I always take mine off to cover my children, even with their own coats it can be too cold/wet for them. Surely that's the natural thing to do? It could be depression in some form, she must feel pretty numb to not notice/care that her baby was cold and wet, she definitely needs help and support, especially for her children's sake.

Well done for acting on your instinct.

Bad things happen when good people standby and watch them.

Yeah I would go down the social services route too. Ok she may have been having a bad day/running late/whatever excuse but any switched on mother wouldn’t let their baby get cold and wet like that. They just wouldn’t. She might be really struggling, she might be depressed, she may have to drag herself out of bed every day feeling bleak and trapped but she has young children to care for and a knock on from social services might lead to her getting the help she needs.

Aside from that, if her children are being neglected it could have been going on for a long time. And one person noticing one detail (op and this instance) may set wheels in motion for them to be nurtured. What sort of person says “mind your own business” to this? The child is one. It’s not like they can tell mum oh by the way you forgot my coat and I’m freezing and wet, is it?

Op you sound like a good person trying to do the right thing. Don’t doubt it. I’d report her to SS.

This is making my heart hurt. Plus I'm pregnant so teary too. OP please tell someone who can help. I work with teens, many of whom have been neglected as small children, and there is just no way to put damage right once it has been done. Give the children a chance!

You were right to report. But fuck off with the judgey smoking comment.

Think th OP was probably mentioning that because you know fags are about a tenner a pack, so she can afford that, why not a jacket or raincover?

@graziemille567 So sad. So is this thread. I don't think I'll ever forget this. Pyjamas?!? In the rain???? There was me feeling like the worst mother because my daughter refused to wear tights....

Today I mean. Normally she will but she's 4 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

OP, if you feel like you can, please have a chat with her like Stbernard did. Maybe someone reaching out would help her dramatically, you never know.

I'd report this to social services. I couldn't see a child being treated like this and not do so.

That's neglect and it's abuse. An infant in the rain like that, soaked to the skin, nose running, nothing but a pair of pyjamas on, it's horrible and the child needs protecting.