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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell this woman?

107 replies

lucymegan · 11/06/2019 12:30

Today it is cold and wet here I've got a big coat on and am still cold and wet through.
This morning on the school run I saw this woman who I see everyday. She has two boys one aged 2 and the other is 1 years old. This morning she had the baby at the front of the double buggy with just pjs on. No coat no shoes or socks no rain cover literally just pjs and no vest underneath. The baby's clothes were stuck to him where they were so wet. He clearly wasn't well either with green not running down his face. I couldn't believe my eyes, where is people's common sense? She does this all the time. On the coldest days in winter that baby didn't have a blanket or train cover over him. What makes it worse is she is fast at getting about. Let's the two year old walk instead of putting him the buggy and getting places faster. It's bugged me all day and I wish I had said something.

Would you of said anything?

OP posts:
HolesinTheSoles · 11/06/2019 14:23

@LadyRannaldini

Of course you tell the school because it's a safeguarding issue. The school will presumably know the family and have a better overall picture about any concerns and whether SS should be involved.

MorondelaFrontera · 11/06/2019 14:25

I am normally in the "mind your own business" team but that sounds awful. I would try to raise the issue with someone,

Walking with a toddler is fine, people are far too used to see kids ferried around in car. As long as she is not dragging him by the arm, walking with her is normal.

I cringe everytime I see parents with coats or sunglasses and their kids don't, but this case sounds worst.

Brainfogmcfogface · 11/06/2019 14:31

I’d tell the school.

Original poster
lucymegan · 11/06/2019 14:34

@Sleephead1 I've not seen it that bad before but I have seen her in minus wether with the baby and no shoes and socks on, he did have a coat on but when your feet's out that coat won't make the slightest bit of difference. The two year old never has a coat on. A couple of months ago I saw her walking with him at a snails pace with it pissing it down. He was collecting slate off peoples gardens on the way and she didn't even tell him to put it back.

It's been raining here all day it's not stopped once so I doubt it wasn't raining when she left. She lives not far from me which is about a 20 minute walk (40 minutes with a toddler walking) from the school. And I saw he didn't have a vest on because he's belly was exposed when he lifted his arms up. When she took her son into the classroom she left the baby out in the rain didn't even take him in with he or cover him up.

OP posts:
Nofilter101 · 11/06/2019 14:36

Report

Lilyannarose · 11/06/2019 14:37

From what you have said it sounds like she is suffering from depression and has reached the point where she's struggling with basic parenting.
It sounds as though she is in her own world.
I can't understand how this has been over looked for so long.
She clearly needs help for her own sake and for the sake of the children.

Original poster
lucymegan · 11/06/2019 14:42

@MorondelaFrontera I am too, it's not like me too complain about what parents do but you had to see this to see how bad it was. I was in hurry trying to get dd into school and came round the corner and she was coming towards me it was pissing it down literally. I had to double take. Then I saw her again when I was taking my other dd into pre school. The child was outside in the rain whilst she was taking her son in. I'd gone in, helped dd with her coat and bag, said goodby and left and she was still in there.

OP posts:
Original poster
lucymegan · 11/06/2019 14:46

@Lilyannarose she probably is. I've been there before and know how bad depression can be. She has a partner/dh I've seen him with her collecting the kids so she's not a single mother. I just can't believe that you can be that idiotic and careless when it comes to a small child.

OP posts:
Original poster
lucymegan · 11/06/2019 14:48

It's almost school pick up time so will get to see if the babies covered now.

OP posts:
Babyduck2 · 11/06/2019 14:55

Do you know her name, or where she lives? If this is a regular occurrence then I would report to SS.
Some kids refuse to have a rain cover on, mine is one of them, today i dug his winter snowsuit and gloves out as we had to go out in the rain, atleast he was somewhat protected from the rain, couldn't imagine taking him out in PJs, that's really shit parenting!! Shock

StBernard · 11/06/2019 15:01

A few years ago I saw a mum on the school run with two little ones with no coats and blue fingers. There was lots of whispering and looks of contempt. I went over to the mum and started chatting to her. She almost broke down in tears. I took her for a coffee after we'd dropped off the children and it turned out that her h wouldn't let her have any money for the dc to get new clothes, and they didn't have any coats or winter gear. At pick up time I brought my children's good condition small stuff and gave it to her. She was so happy.

If you're worried she's struggling maybe try reaching out? If she knocks you back at least your tried. If not you might be able to help, even by signposting her to support or just being a friendly ear. By all means talk to the school as well. Sometimes, it takes a village.

BigRedLondonBus · 11/06/2019 15:02

If it’s this bad all the time then im surprised the school hasn’t noticed

MotherOfDragonite · 11/06/2019 15:12

This is awful. My toddler takes off her socks etc and loves to tug at the raincover and I am very accepting of unusual child outfits... but a sick baby without a raincover is entirely different and unacceptable.

I'd talk to the school safeguarding lead. So upsetting to see something like that -- you will feel much better if you act and hopefully they may get help.

MotherOfDragonite · 11/06/2019 15:13

Also, if you're feeling brave and have the £ to buy one... "I may have a spare raincover at home that I don't need any more, I wonder if it would fit... would you like it?"

anitagreen · 11/06/2019 15:19

It's nice to see other people care I don't understand people who say "mind your business" because god forbid when things do go wrong everyone is quick to say how did no one notice?

IHateUncleJamie · 11/06/2019 15:30

Could he have had a fever so she didn’t want to overdress him?

I doubt that only being in PJs and getting soaked through with rain would do anything except put the poor child at risk of pneumonia. 😳

As for “wet never killed anyone”....words fail me.

OP I would speak to the school and/or ask the NSPCC for advice.

Chamomileteaplease · 11/06/2019 15:35

Definitely report to someone. That poor child.

Fundays12 · 11/06/2019 15:35

Please speak to the school this is a serious safeguarding concern.

MistyMinge2 · 11/06/2019 15:39

This is so sad, poor little thing.

I think you're right to be concerned. I would mention it to the nursery staff. It could be the tip of an iceberg. Further neglect behind closed doors.

I don't think anyone should mind their own business if they've got genuine concern for the welfare of children.

graziemille567 · 11/06/2019 15:45

I once was supporting someone who did this regularly to their baby - I'd meet her in town and her young baby would be drenched in her pram, no blanket no rain cover. She already had social service involvement, and when I mentioned this to her social worker she advised me to let her know if I I saw it happen again. So it is definitely a safeguarding concern, as they took it as part of a body of evidence that she was not capable of looking after her children. Obviously there was a lot more to it than drenched children, but in your case it could be an indication of neglect.

Itssosunny · 11/06/2019 15:54

I've seen many parents who dress well and warm in winter but the boys would wear shorts and girls no tights. You could only look at them shaking from cold. I don't understand those parents.

Itssosunny · 11/06/2019 15:56

I'm not sure about money. But she smokes so could afford coats and shoes if she wanted too. Can pick those things up at a boot sale/ charity shop for what a packet of fags cost.

Lots of free or very cheap clothes on FB for those who are struggling. Just ask and people are so eager to help.

AyBeeCee10 · 11/06/2019 15:58

I do think you need to speak to the school as a start point. She does seem neglectful. What's strange is, if it's happening so often then why was anyone else reported them? I would definitely say something and wouldn't care about being a busy body. That scenario doesnt seem right at all.

Original poster
lucymegan · 11/06/2019 16:00

Well I didn't see her on the school run this time (there's 2 entrances so possibly went through the other side) I mentioned it to the senior play leader and she said she'd log it. Phewww I feel better for telling someone. You guys made me realise that I wasn't be dramatic and that it's not normal. I knew it wasn't but sometimes you just need reassurance that your not being ridiculous.

OP posts:
Itssosunny · 11/06/2019 16:00

Btw I was a child who was left from a young age to walk in all shitty kinds of weather. 45 minutes walking in the pouring rain, inadequate clothing. Never had a coat. I wish someone had stuck their nose in.

I feel very sad to read your post. It's a neglect.

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