Meeting daughters boyfriends parents

[Jojobean80]

We are collecting our daughter from uni this week and are going early to meet her boyfriends parents. They are middle class whilst we are from a working class background. We are much younger than them, we often show each other affection in public and like to joke around. Our dd has given us a list of rules about how we must behave because she really likes this boy. We’re not allowed to behave silly and definitely are not allowed to show pda. Am I being unreasonable by telling her that we’re the parents and we will just behave as we normally do?

It’s not up to the child to dictate to the parents how they behave! well it's not, but actually, she's not a child is she, she's an adult who can choose who she spends her time with. And if her parents are going to be deliberately embarrassing, ignore social norms and make people who are important to their daughter uncomfortable, the OP may find her daughter chooses to spend less time with her.

My husband treats the boys the same way

You said he sees your DD as still being his "little girl"

Tell her, her opinions are...

Sure, do that if you want her not to come home.

How long are they dating?

Still not sure why this is even happening 🤔

But she hasn't said anything about class or accents??!!!!

"Am I being unreasonable by telling her that we’re the parents and we will just behave as we normally do?"

Short answer:
Yes.

What did you mean ^she had a middle class upbringing? Not being snidey or anything just curious.

PS to my previous post. Don't go off into laughter and giggles after a sentence which isn't even funny. Nothing worse than people who laugh at nothing.

Speak slowly, be a good listener and above all, DON'T BE A SNOB! It doesn't matter that they are 'middle class' and you 'working class', which you mentioned, you're all human beings.

How old are your sons?

I don't think it is a class issue, for you maybe, but my guess is that she wants you to act age-appropriate, not her age, but as parents.

Your dds bf said he loved you??

Yeah I'm still a bit hung up on that as well. Why on earth...?

OP I just wanted to give you a bit of a handhold. Firstly, I don't see anything wrong with the level of PDA you describe - I thought this was pretty normal!!

A friend I went to school with was similar to what seems like your DD. We both grew up very Wc, went to uni, she met someone very MC and was clearly embarrassed by her parents, like a PP it's the little things having to watch your finances as there is no back up, not being able to afford coffees out all the time, etc. She didn't give her parents a list, but it was obvious in the small comments/actions. She is very proud of her upbringing now, but it took her a while (were now mid 30's)

I think your DD is at the age were she is very self conscious. I would treat it as job interview and be more yourself the next time. Tbh I would be upset, and would feel like my DD was ashamed of me.

Your daughter is asking for your support, but you are not listening.

What she's asked for, less PDA, less inappropriate silliness, just for a an hour or two is not a big ask.
She's worried and nervous, why not just reassure her instead of insisting that you will just be yourself and you think her request is unacceptable. Its not. She's not asking you to be someone else, she's just asking you both, and particularly your DH, to tone it down a bit during a first meeting that she is nervous about.
Why not decide to go and behave impeccably and you need never have this discussion with her again? What is the alternative?