AIBU to ask why you chose to have kids?

[Jade218]

Before I start this thread - I hope noone takes offence to it. It’s not intended to be an offensive question

Whenever someone says they don’t want kids I think it’s odd that people always ask why - as if they are abnormal or something.

So to put a bit of a spin on it I want to ask why people want/chose to have kids?

I only ask because yesterday a thread was started to ask people why they chose not to have kids.

I do want kids so please don’t feel I’m trying to ask this question to be defensive to the thread I’m quoting, genuinely just curious as everyone’s reasons are different and it's interesting to hear the reasons.

People who don’t want kids get asked the question more often that I think is fair, I think only fair to be able to pose the same question to parents (without hopefully causing offence)

To be completely honest, it was an unplanned pregnancy which I went forward with on a whim. Me and DP both come from big families where the new baby fits in around family life and having a child wasn't regarded as being such a big thing. We decided that we could just about do it financially and that we'd be able to be good parents. We might have gone forth with slightly romanticised views but, so far, I am very happy as a parent.

I just had a biological urge to, it was something I always wanted and knew I was at the right stage in life. I felt I had a lot of love to give and it’s the best thing I've ever done. I do miss sleep though.

I was desperate for a family. My childhood was shit and I think I needed a family.

Always knew I wanted kids. Can't explain it

I am not sure it is a rational decision!

DH wanted one and the alternative was to get divorced, have to sell the house and support myself on my meagre income. DH earned 10x my salary so it would have been a big drop in my quality of living.

My ovaries told me to. Getting married seemed to switch them on.

Because I had no idea how fucking hard it would be, and here I am 37 weeks pregnant with DC3 crazy as ever..

I'm not sure on the why, I've just known for as long as I can remember I want to be a mummy?
Possible that I'm following social norms?
One thing that did come up straight away is the fact that my mum is amazing, we have a great relationship, she is my best friend, I will be successful if I'm half the woman she is and I want to recreate that bond with my own child?

Its something I've never thought about in all honesty.

OP, I think you've started quite an interesting thread, it's going to be quite an exploration of motherhood and the whys.

I’ve got Polycystic ovaries, didn’t think I had much of a chance as only had few periods a year in all honesty, my sister has it too and hasn’t had any children, she’s too old now. Anyway I came off hormonal contraception as it was affecting mood ect.

In the back of my mind I thought I would love a baby(worked with small children years ago and I really enjoyed it), but then my partner left me and got with one of my best friends :( my life spiralled into chaos. I met a man I normally wouldn’t be with. After few dates did the deed. Ended things shortly after and...... a dd!

She’s 6 months now, managed to breast feed exclusively for 4 months, mixed feeding and food now. I love her, she saved me really. I did drugs smoked and drank. I was in a dark place. I had a very decent upbringing but I was heading down the wrong path.

She’s changed my life, I go to music groups swimming, messy play. I’ve made new friendships. She makes me smile and enjoy every day, it’s hard work but it’s maassively worth it. I don’t think it changes everyone but being a mum has massively changed my life for the better.

So I didn’t really always think I’d have a baby, but I am so over moon to have her now. Read books every day, share baths, she’s a tummy time pro. I just love it thoroughly and love her. ❤️

I just always had the urge to and I knew I wanted them from a young age.

Thought it might be fun. And it is! Didn't want one til I was 32 though. Nothing deeper really - it wasn't a biological urge.

Biological urge.
And now that I've got two kids, my biological urge has been satisfied.

I no longer have any yearning for babies, don't coo over them, don't want to cuddle them (or if I do, I hand them back fast).

We were aged between 34-36 and thought, well if we want one, we'd better get on with it. We were planning to have one, "see how it goes" and have another.

Reader, we stopped at one! We hot a dog. Birth was shit, birth injuries were shit, 7+ years on and I haven't recovered. I'm not a natural mother, find it all very weird and not totally enjoyable. Love our son, he's the mutt's nuts. But fuck, I was clueless going in! And still clueless, no idea if I'm doing a good job.

I don’t know! I think I thought it would be nice....and was pleasantly surprised to find it was fantastic. I’m not a “kiddy person”, but I bloody love being a mother.

Very interesting to hear from everyone.

Personally I've been on the fence for years. I don't overly love babies or have a major biological urge, however I feel like it'll be an adventure and I have a lot of wisdom and things I can teach another human being (I don't mean that in an arrogant way!)

There's still lots about motherhood I know I'll dislike but I'm willing to take the rough with the smooth.

And I figured there's things I love and hate in all aspects of life it's hard to find something you enjoy 100 percent all day every day.

Work, relationships etc nothing in life is easy and I've come to terms with the fact that motherhood will probably be the same.

I have a large family that is ridiculously close and love it. I've always known since young that I want children, if I met the right person, and would have been devastated if I couldn't have for some reason.

My relationship with my own mother is bloody fantastic and I only hope that I have something similar with my kids.

Luckily my DH has always wanted a family and he is an amazing father.

@Jade218 it is bloody difficult and relentless but honestly, nothing has even come close to making me happier than when my kids come up to spontaneously to give me a kiss, hug or say 'I love you'.

They are so interesting and unique and I have loved raising them - it's a really different and unique relationship. Pre-kids, I was always worried about missing my old life in terms of financial luxuries or freedom to do things when I want to and I do miss these things at times as quite often, I feel tired and in need of a decent break, but I absolutely love being a mummy and seeing my kids grow up that those feelings really pale in comparison to all the positives that come with children.

Had never really felt a strong urge until I fell in love and wanted to create a new life with my husband. Also felt we both needed a new focus in life. Our son is everything I ever wished for and more. Sadly I am too old for another, thank goodness I met the right man in the nick of time to get to do it once.

In soft play the other day a little girl was looking for her Mum. My DS (who is 2) looked at her, pointed at me and said “This is MY Mummy” (the look on his face implying a silent “so hands off Missy”). My heart just melted

I couldn't think of anything else to spent my free time and money on.

I've always liked little people but don't actually like babies. The easiest way of getting a little person of my own was to have a baby. Luckily I found a man who like babies as well as little people, so I had one. This baby was easy to conceive and has an easy personality but I know if I try to have another I will have the child or more likely children from hell. My little person is lucky that they have a half-sibling who thinks they are amazing just like some of my half-siblings still randomly think I'm amazing, which makes one of my siblings make vomiting noises.

We had been married for 8 yrs, both well into our 30's and it was a case of, if we don't do it now, we never will.

No urge to be a mother really, much preferred animals to children. However, I thought I would really regret not having one further down the line.

Was just the next step. Nice home, good jobs, married. Always knew we wanted kids not sure when though. Decided to get on with it.
It’s hard work at times and I don’t miss my life pre dd (except for this week- first holiday in the sun with a child).
But I have never felt love like it. I love being a mum. For me it’s the best thing ever.

I wanted to experience everything in life that I could.

After 13+ years of TTC I wondered myself. By that point it was purely to stick two fingers up at the Universe and prove it was possible.

I gave up. Decided I wanted to travel the world and be selfish for the rest of my life. Got pregnant the next cycle by total accident 🤷 after THIRTEEN FECKING YEARS.

He's 2yrs old and lovely 😁