AIBU to ask why you chose to have kids?

[Jade218]

Before I start this thread - I hope noone takes offence to it. It’s not intended to be an offensive question

Whenever someone says they don’t want kids I think it’s odd that people always ask why - as if they are abnormal or something.

So to put a bit of a spin on it I want to ask why people want/chose to have kids?

I only ask because yesterday a thread was started to ask people why they chose not to have kids.

I do want kids so please don’t feel I’m trying to ask this question to be defensive to the thread I’m quoting, genuinely just curious as everyone’s reasons are different and it's interesting to hear the reasons.

People who don’t want kids get asked the question more often that I think is fair, I think only fair to be able to pose the same question to parents (without hopefully causing offence)

@FaFoutis - I feel like that. That I'd be missing out on such a huge part of life.

Even if I do it and regret it (hopefully I won't but you never know), I feel it's such a big part of life that it would be sad to not have been able to experience it.

I’d always just felt I’d wanted them and would have either 2 or 3. I love them but for the most part I haven’t found it “rewarding”, “fulfilling”, “the best thing I’ve ever done”, “the point of living” or anything else. In fact there would have been a point in the not too distant past that if i could have had my time again i might not have had them.

It’s only now mine are bigger, my eldest is a teen and they are becoming more independent and I can really see signs of the fab people they’re becoming I’m really enjoying it more

Definitely a biological urge for me. It's the reason I got married.
I've been through hell to get my DC and it breaks my heart not to have more than one although it would be impractical as well as impossible.

I'm incredibly jealous of everyone around me with bumps and babies.

I love my DC to death but tbh, life would have been a hell of a lot easier if I'd never got that urge.
My best friend just never got it and I do envy her the simplicity of not having that overwhelming need. She's very happy without children and I totally respect that.

Not having kids is great if you are fine with that but not being able to have them when it's all you desire is unbearably painful.

I just knew. It wasn’t really about having babies, it was more than I longed to be a mother and raise my children.
Babies of course are - mostly! - lovely.
But there is something magical and enthralling about watching my three children as they grow and change. The love I feel for them is limitless, and while there are testing and tearful days, they bring so much joy and hope and love.

When I see the three of them together I am a bit lost for words that I made three such beautiful, fascinating, glorious human beings: beautiful inside and out.

They will always be the greatest treasures and loves of my life.

Wasn't bothered about having my own until I was told I wouldn't conceive naturally. Everything changed that day and I was desperate to have my own.

That's how I felt Jade. But I don't think the kind of 'regret' you imagine now is a feeling you could have after having a child. Look at what MrsMiggins said for example, it's so much more complex than that.

I found that having a child is nothing like what it looks like from the outside. The experience of it is immense and changes everything. Even physical contact with my children is still quite a magical thing.

I'd always wanted them and had always babysat and played with babies at every opportunity. The thought of reaching the end of life without having had children made me feel very sad.

I had been married for almost 5 years and I literally woke up one morning with a really strong biological urge with the first.
My DH was away with the military at the time so I had to wait a few months until he came home to act on it.
With the other kids it was more a case of ' well if it happens, it happens'
It happened 😄

It was all I ever wanted. I love kids and always have.
Lovely post from breastfeedingworries.

I just felt that really strong urge to; I’ve always loved babies and children but I got to a point where it was an urge rather than a rational choice

DH wanted kids, I liked the idea of a big happy Christmas, so went along with it

I can’t see what’s offensive about your thread OP it’s a perfectly legitimate question.

I've always been very maternal, but never wanted children of my own due to fear of pregnancy and birth.

I think I just grew up, spent the last 2 years being sad leaving my niece and my brothers family orientated house to come back to my quiet one, it always seemed so lonely to come home after a full day with a 2 year old!

Currently pregnant with our first and cannot wait!

I wanted kids because I like children. I had my first and discovered newborns were pretty boring. Everything after 18 months was pretty ace though. I have a toddler and a 7 year old. They drive me nuts somedays but they are fab little people with their own personalities who are generally well behaved.

Jade218 I think your approach to being a parent is a good one. I think some of the problems come from when you have a baby and you expect it all to great and wonder why you’re not enjoying every second of it but that’s not life, nothing is ever great all the time.

The only thing that is different to kids and work/relationship etc (ie other things that are difficult) is that it is way more relentless and there is no going back. It was the first irrevocable decision I had made and in the days after giving birth for the first time that really hit me. Still went back and did it a second time but I was more prepared then.

DS1: unplanned pregnancy and didn't want to have an abortion, though tbh it was dreadful timing and I was initially horrified.

DS2: DS1 was going through a particularly cute phase at just over 2. We were unsure about having a second but thought we'd see what happened for a couple of months and then stop trying if nothing did. Was pregnant within three weeks so that was that! DS2 is currently in the same particularly adorable phase and I can feel myself weakening to the idea of a third .

It’s hard for me to identify why because I’ve just always wanted kids - I used to terrify my teenage boyfriend by talking about babies. I have three DC and I would have been devastated if I couldn’t have any. No offence to childless posters but that’s how I personally would have felt.

I once heard someone say "you THINK you dont want children until you have them, then you realise you always wanted them" and as much as i think this is true, i would never say it to someone who doesnt want kids. i always wanted them i never realised how much until i had one.
I didnt like other peoples kids and still dont, i find them annoying and the lack of 'good' parenting (whatever that is) sometimes bothers me. I hated holding babies, didnt see the cooing attraction. When i had DS i realised how lush it is, BUT i dont force people to hear about or see pictures of him if theyre bothered, they ask. I think the people that say "why dont you want kids?" Are the same people that insist on showing you a video of their kid chewing a wet wipe!
I always knew i wanted to be a mum and now i am i feel that ive fullfilled my life purpose and im so happy. But that doesnt mean i want loads of kids, we have recently agreed that we are happy with one unless financially our circumstances change so i can see how people say they dont want them.

I always wanted to get married and have a family, as far back as I can remember. Its fairly close to what I imagined - there are moments when I tap DH and we both watch them chatting away to each other and feel so much joy. The hardest thing for me is the lack of headspace (someones always interrupting my thoughts) and the constantness of it all. A 28 day Annual Leave system for parents would be most welcome I'm not sure how single parents or those who have DC with complex needs cope, it must be incredibly tough

Because I knew I would die unfulfilled otherwise.

Turns out I’m infertile and we had to use an egg donor to conceive. I spent all my savings to get my twins. I’d do it all in a heartbeat. Motherhood is the best thing I have ever done.

All again...

I have always wanted children ever since I can remember. I never imagined an adulthood in which I did not have them.

As a teenager I became very fond of babies and decided I wanted one ASAP unsurprisingly got pregnant to my second boyfriend when I was 19. It wasn't really planned but I wasn't being that careful either.

Had DC2 at 30 and I wish I had waited for my first as well. But it's all good :)

If I had to quantify it -

Kids (especially those under 5) are hilarious and cute.
I find it fascinating to see young people coming into their own personality.
I'm not much of a baby fan except my own, actually. But newborns - your own newborn - amazing. When they are all squirmy and cuddly and tiny and curious.
It's interesting to see what family traits get passed down etc (of course that only works for biological children)
Was interested in the process of pregnancy and birth - wanted to experience them. I like pregnancy but I'm not a big fan of birth.
It just looked fun. Though in hindsight I was seeing this through the wrong lens. It can be fun but in a different way to how I imagined.
It's incredible to see them learn and figure things out.
I thought I'd be good at it (hahahahahahahahahaaaaaa)
I value being able to pass on my morals and beliefs. I know in reality my children may not agree with me, and I hope I can respect our differences. But they will have more chance of valuing the things I find important than they would if raised by somebody else.
I love the utterly insane/unexpected things that they do.
I like the feeling of creating a family - expanding that network as well, for the cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents. Family is very important to me.
You get a great excuse to go and revisit loads of fun things from your own childhood.
I'm not that fussed about the unconditional love/"I wuv oo mummy" stuff but there is something primal and lovely about the way you fall in love with your babies.
I like being in the parent "club" and having that in common with other people.
They make you grow and develop as a person. If you care about them enough you find yourself doing things for their sake.
It will be nice if they turn into adults we can have fun with.
As a shared goal with a supportive and kind partner it's fantastic. That sense of achievement is great.
I'm not that bothered by mess or broken sleep. Noise is the bit I struggle with.
It feels like an incredible privilege to know somebody for the whole of their life.

I was never bothered about kids, found them stressful and tiring and just wanted cats! Then I accidentally got pregnant and the biological urge started and I'm so glad it did. I love being a mum. If it hadn't happened accidentally, it wouldn't have happened at all..

@elQuintoConyo thank you for making me feel less rubbish about being similarly-minded!