AIBU to ask why you chose to have kids?

[Jade218]

Before I start this thread - I hope noone takes offence to it. It’s not intended to be an offensive question

Whenever someone says they don’t want kids I think it’s odd that people always ask why - as if they are abnormal or something.

So to put a bit of a spin on it I want to ask why people want/chose to have kids?

I only ask because yesterday a thread was started to ask people why they chose not to have kids.

I do want kids so please don’t feel I’m trying to ask this question to be defensive to the thread I’m quoting, genuinely just curious as everyone’s reasons are different and it's interesting to hear the reasons.

People who don’t want kids get asked the question more often that I think is fair, I think only fair to be able to pose the same question to parents (without hopefully causing offence)

It's interesting that the childfree people on the other thread actually seem to have given more thought to what having a child would do to their lives than most parents who seem to have just done it because they wanted to.

And you call childfree people selfish and immature?

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

I don’t think people who chose to remain child free are immature and stupid. Are they the actual words someone has used on that other thread?

@Ginlinessisnexttogodliness - they are the actual words numerous people have said to my face 🤣 and they’re not even the worst things parents have said to me!

I always wanted DC. Played 'mummies' a lot etc. when I was little.

My nonna has a display cabinet in her front room...with all her DCs wedding pics, and then the GC at various ages/graduations/weddings and now toddler GGS as well. It's always been my ambition to have a display case like that when I'm old.

I've always loved kids and had a strong maternal instinct from a very young age. I would offer to take neighbours little kids out to the park from about the age of 10 and had lots of babysitting jobs by the time I was 12. I couldn't wait to have my own and luckily my DC's dad felt the same.

I was pretty firm up to the age of 37 that I didn't want to have children. Then I met DP, and pretty much straight away I had what I can only describe as an URGE to have a baby with him. He's amazing with children - works in Early Years - and would make such a great father. This also coincided with my becoming more religious, and wanting to pass that on to a child. We are about to start TTC now, and I hope with all my heart that I haven't left it too late.

Dc1: accident
Dc2: for a sibling
Dc3: fell in love and had a strong urge to breed with this person

Basic human instinct from a young age. I don't know if I can explain it fully but the desire was there before I even met their father.

It's akin to the need for sleep, food, sex to me. As far back as I can remember I knew I wanted children.

And I couldn't wait so had them in my twenties after finishing uni. I loved/love being a youngish mother and I'd do it all again. not a popular opinion on here I know.

I just always wanted children. Being pregnant and giving birth is one of the things I excel at apparently.

Biological urge, a burning desire to be pregnant and have a baby.

Looking back now - I was ttc crazy; opks, pregnancy testing, line checking & squinting, insane jealousy of pregnant women

It's funny how 'done' you become. 3 DC now, and the thought of being pregnant or having a baby again horrifies me. It was definitely primal/nature!

That's lovely WhiteRedRose !

Because I didn't want to abort, having about one week to decide. Ds1 wasn't planned, and I didn't want kids.
Not anti abortion at all, just wasn't for me, I'd felt him moving, kicking? and became really attached straight away.

@AriaFitz that’s not on. Really rude

I have to say that’s not all of us. Honest!

In much the same way I don’t think that child free people are all stupid enough to think parenting is just endless drudgery not all parents think that of child free people

One common denominator then a lot of differences ......

I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a mum.
Crazy, make a baby now urges from about 11 or 12, promised my mum Id graduate high school first.
Nine months to the day after grad, DD arrived, married DH the next year and we had DS the following year (and the snip the next, haha) .
There was no way I was waiting any longer!

@ginlinessisnextrogodliness I know, lots of people I know who are parents are lovely and never judge, at least not to my face

I’m happy for parents that they have children and the life they want so it’s nice when I get the same in return rather than judgements/rudeness etc

I get judgement from some childfree people as well as parents because I have no pets and they love to try and convince me to get some/I am wrong etc. I think some people just don’t like it when you make different choices to them because they feel like you’re judging them by not making the choices they did. I am glad people have children and pets though, hopefully those children grow up to be valuable in society and nice people I can interact with and pets are cute to look at. Plus the kids provide parents with material for ‘what have your children said that’s embarrassed you’ and ‘why is your toddler have a tantrum today’ threads which I love

A biological urge, we had always wanted children, we were at a good place in our relationship, we don't have good jobs but they are flexible about changing shifts to minimise childcare, low pay but low outgoings, and as I said to dh, if not now then when? We ended up having trouble concieving at only 27 so I'm glad we didn't leave it any later, both 29 now and due our first next month

A friend doesn't want children as they'd interfere with her hobby. To me her life sounds very small and boring. But she seems happy.

Now this thread was going very nicely until somebody just couldn’t resist having a dig. 🙄

Because I wanted to.

They are amazing people and I’m so privileged to guide them as they grow. I adored my babies but they get better and better.

Of course we have our moments but I’ve never for a second regretted having them. I’ve known since I was a tiny girl myself that I wanted them. I can’t explain it, I was looking forward to it for the first thirty years of my life.

I always thought that I might like to have children but wasn't bothered either way. Then I had cervical cancer. Luckily they caught it very early and I only needed a small chunk of my cervix removing (it was a very small area and graded as a 1a1 cancer) so I didn't have to have my womb or anything else removed and it didn't affect my fertility. The thought of that choice being taken away from me scared me and made realise that actually, yes, I really wanted to have children of my own. Dc1 arrived just over a year later followed quite quickly by dc2. If dc2 had been born first though we wouldn't have had another.

I don't think it was a choice exactly, I just had an overwhelming urge to have a child and now my DD is a toddler I have that same feeling. Like my life won't be complete without them

I didn't want to die alone, like my grandmother.

YouJustDoYou, not a good reason to have a child. My neighbour s 94. She had 4 children. They have all died. She has 3 grandchildren but 2 live abroad and the other lives the other end of the country and never visits. Having children does not ensure you don't end up lonely or alone

YouJustDoYou, not a good reason to have a child

It's a bit late now 😂 Obviously they might all die. That's why my nan died alone. But the chances are low, so...I took the risk. It's working out ok so far :) Hopefully they won't die!

Pure primal urge. I always wanted to have kids, I don’t remember a time when I didn’t. I never really considered the possibility that I wouldn’t have them.

I remember feeling strongly broody age 12, shortly after my first period. I managed to hold on to 33 though.

@YouJustDoYou your grandmother clearly had children and grandchildren - so have a think of why she really died alone.