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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never been abroad or on a plane at age 35!

229 replies

SalemShadow · 10/06/2019 20:55

There was a woman on dinner date yest. She is 35, never been abroad or on on an aeroplane. She was telling her date he will have to take her on a holiday. Aibu to be completely shocked? I couldn't believe it. Seems a sheltered existence

OP posts:
MondayTuesdayWednesday · 11/06/2019 13:48

@SalemShadow

I didn't think you were sneering at people who have never been outside their own country. I would be surprised too if I met a 35 year old who hadn't. Surprised doesn't mean that you are looking down on them or sneering at them.

I have never met someone who hasn't travelled to some degree outside of their own country. But then again I like to travel so I wouldn't necessarily have married someone who didn't as it would limit your future travel.

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2019 13:51

I am going to corwall for the first time in September ive never been and looking forward to it and I will immerse myself into the Cornish culture Grin

Sebeya · 11/06/2019 13:51

"Travel is a fantastic self-development tool, because it extricates you from the values of your culture and shows you that another society can live with entirely different values and still function and not hate themselves. This exposure to different cultural values and metrics then forces you to reexamine what seems obvious in your own life and to consider that perhaps its not necessarily the best way to live".

I love the idea of this, but I have travelled a bit, as have many of my friends, but has it really opened our minds? I think I eat more broadly, but I'm not sure it has greatly changed my values.

I'm not sure it really has. In many ways, reading has expanded my mind more than travel, if I had to rank them.

Lifecraft · 11/06/2019 13:52

Hilarious that people think people in our grandparents' generation all had the money to travel.

My granddad and his mates had very little money, but they all went off on a 6 year round the world trip, leaving their wives at home to bring up the bloody kids alone!!!

He set off early in 1940, went to the far East, Burma, Singapore, then came back to North Africa, did a few countries there, then got a ferry over to Sicily, on to Italy, up thru Italy, into France, Holland, Belgium, before eventually winding up in Germany in 1945.

And to top it all, the selfish bugger completely refused to talk about what he'd seen and done when he got home.

Booboo66 · 11/06/2019 13:53

I'm not surprised as I know many in the same boat (albeit not my 90 yo grandparents who travelled a lot and still do) . Some of it I think is lifestyle/area related. I grew up rurally and lots of people didn't drive so hadn't been to other cities or towns let alone abroad. People like farmers couldn't spare the time away from work. I know other people who didn't have great childhoods and holidays were never on the cards and those who have anxiety that prevents flying/travelling. I also think if you've never done it as a child being guided by an adult it might seem daunting.

I do agree it seems bizarre though that she wants to go abroad but hasn't. You can get flights to Europe cheaper than you can get a train from Edinburgh to Newcastle. Money isn't really the issue here.

I saw a pp comment that they go to Haven because they can't afford abroad. I priced a trip to Venice last year for my 2 DC and I for £90 for a 3 night stay which included flights and b&b accom. A haven van in school holidays would likely be more than double that for 3 nights and it's expensive once there too.

The most surprising part of this post though is one persons assumption that 'abroad' can only mean a package holiday in Majorca 😆.

RosaWaiting · 11/06/2019 13:53

I think Cornwall looks absolutely gorgeous and will definitely go.

I don't really understand that quote about understanding people live differently without hating themselves. Of course they bloody do! How far do you need to go in order to understand that?!

Sparklingfairylights · 11/06/2019 13:54

I've travelled a lot, I mean years backpacking and love it but totally understand that it's not for everyone. I did laugh at the posters referring to Magaluf or wherever as representative of the whole world though, I mean perhaps try Zambia or Ecuador, Indonesia or Nepal? They're all so similar! Grin

LakieLady · 11/06/2019 13:55

I think you need to travel and experience different cultures.

Yes, all those people who go on AI package holidays and never leave the resort really experience different cultures, don't they?

My SIL is always going on about how "weird" it is that we don't go abroad and is, frankly, sniffy about it. They go abroad twice a year, but have only been to Spain, Florida and Australia's Gold Coast. DP and I had visited more countries by the time we were 21 than they have at 50!

And they have hardly been anywhere outside the Home Counties. Never been to Cornwall, the Lakes, Yorkshire, anywhere in Scotland, Wales or Ireland and consider visiting their friends in Suffolk as "a really long way".

They've certainly been further afield and travelled far more miles than we have, but they know sweet fuck all about other cultures.

RosaWaiting · 11/06/2019 13:59

iano you want to know why? I just don't enjoy it. my parents took us to a few countries. My sister loves it. I don't. Does there have to be a why? I love running. I can wander around an art gallery for hours. I can read for a whole day. I do creative writing.

I don't know "why". It's just what I enjoy doing. I will also add that the cost is offputting - I don't go anywhere much in the UK either, last went to Wales a few years ago and managed to get a good discount to stay in a very quiet cottage in a beautiful peaceful area, but I gather it's more than doubled in price since then.

Uist and Cornwall on the list for future years but currently don't want to overnight anywhere as have elderly mother with heart condition (and yes I'm aware this could go on for years).

I've also been hospitalised abroad. OMFG. I never want to go through that again but I'm not sure how bothered I'd be even if that hadn't happened. Hospital was lovely btw - but even worse than being hospitalised in a place where you do speak the language!!

RosaWaiting · 11/06/2019 14:02

btw some posters are implying that other posters think "abroad" is the same. I don't hear that at all. I hear that they don't like leaving the country generally, which is completely understandable IMHO.

RosaWaiting · 11/06/2019 14:03

PS iano you mention London being the bees' knees, I hate it now. I avoid central as much as I can. I did enjoy growing up here though but now only here because of mum. It was a lot different in the past!

LaMarschallin · 11/06/2019 15:11

Thats by Mark Manson.

Oh. Right. Colour me embarrassed.
I now realise that all your opinions are right and anyone disagreeing is wrong.

Mark Manson, eh?
Gosh.

leghairdontcare · 11/06/2019 16:19

Lol. Like a pp, my grandfather went on a walking holiday from North Africa to Germany. He flew back which he said was the most terrifying part of the whole thing and never did it again.

Lifecraft · 11/06/2019 16:56

Like a pp, my grandfather went on a walking holiday from North Africa to Germany.

It seems to have been very popular during the early 1940s.

RottnestFerry · 11/06/2019 16:58

It seems to have been very popular during the early 1940s.

Along with a sudden boom in air travel.

goingonabearhunt1 · 11/06/2019 17:02

I don't think it's that weird; lots of people can't even afford to go on holiday or can only afford a weeks camping in Wales or whatever. I think it's more sheltered to assume everyone has had the same experiences and opportunities you have had TBH.

marywinchester · 11/06/2019 17:36

I'm getting on for 50, never had a passport so never been abroad. The furthest i've been is 150 miles from my front door to get to the start line of a race. Travelling really doesn't interest me.

RosaWaiting · 11/06/2019 18:01

mary was it you I saw on another thread, someone giving you a hard time because you hadn't been to London? I posted to say I completely understood that as well, each to their own etc, but some posters were a bit horrified.

apologies if I am totally misremembering.

JoyceDivision · 11/06/2019 18:33

@Amalfime

No, it's not ignorance. What I enjoy as a holiday is available in the UK.

I don't care for overseas holidays. I'm very much aware that there are lots of different places (gasp!) But for a myriad of reasons, I'm not bothered about overseas holidays.

But thankyou for taking the time to guess what I'm like Grin

AnthonyCrowley · 11/06/2019 18:37

About 20 years ago I met a woman in her mid 40s in Rutland and she was adamant it was the first time in her life she had set foot out of Lincolnshire. She had been sent by her work for a course and she wasn't very impressed!

RosaWaiting · 11/06/2019 18:54

I'm actually jealous of people who lived all their lives somewhere pretty and peaceful - though of course individual definitions will vary - and never had to leave or go far.

The world feels horribly overwhelming and complicated. One school friend left London as soon as he could, lives in the Lake District, doesn't go anywhere much except now he has children he feels obliged to take them around. He does visit London once a year because of friends and because he felt he had to show it to his children. He married a woman who was local and had a similar outlook.

they have a house, a huge garden - well huge to me - two cats and as peaceful a life as you can have with DC - certainly pre-DC it was a quiet idyll. Sounds marvellous. and probably v good for mental health.

bookwormnerd · 11/06/2019 19:04

I'm 34 and haven't been on a plane. My trips abroad include a day trip to France and day trip to Belgium at school. I grew up in a family where we did not have money for holidays and didn't holiday even in UK apart from a couple of trips when I was tiny, my parents were struggling for money to pay to keep a roof over our head and food. I was then busy working every holiday to pay for university and then after working hard for career and then had children and we have taken them on holiday in UK while little. I am really interested in other cultures and history and we will go abroad when children older. I grew up in a place which attracted tourists. Alot of people I grew up with didn't go abroad so dont think it's that unusual. My husband grew up with a family who went on yearly holiday which mostly consisted of pool and lying in the sun so I dont think I missed out huge amount. One day I want to go and see alot of the history and culture but I have never been bothered about going away just for the sun.

marywinchester · 11/06/2019 19:46

@RosaWaiting it possibly was me because I haven't been to London. I have no interest in going, quite happy here in my bit of the West country.

MorondelaFrontera · 11/06/2019 20:15

I'm actually jealous of people who lived all their lives somewhere pretty and peaceful

I think you appreciate it more if you have experienced somewhere else. I do have friends who (rightly) say they have everything on their doorstep and will never go anywhere, I would get claustrophobic but it works for them.

IGottaSeeJane · 11/06/2019 20:29

I've never flown in my life. All my overseas rips have been by ship or through the tunnel.