To be annoyed at nursery

[Bobbiepin]

DD has been at nursery for 10 months (she's 19mo) and recently moved into the toddler room. We had no complaints with the baby room (except for them being a little over zealous with the sick policy). She adored her key worker, formed strong bonds with the other staff and loved it.

Since moving up rooms I've got some concerns but don't really know how to go about dealing with them.

1. Dd had settling in sessions over a week in the new room, all fine, very happy. They allocated her a key worker but this woman was on later shifts for the first week so wasnt there for drop off which made it much much harder (DD has never cried at drop off but cried every day that week). Couldn't this have been delayed a week so the key worker would be there on an earlier shift?
2. In 3 days she's been bitten twice. I realise this happens, but twice in 3 days seems excessive. The staff can't watch every kid every second of the day, and won't tell me if it was the same child but they also won't tell me what is being done about it (e.g. if the kid's parents have been informed, what discipline is happening etc.) The first bite broke the skin.
3. Today I was also told she was chewing on a block and its cut her mouth. Fair play she's teething and chewing on stuff, but should they have things around that can cut her?

Usually the nursery are great but it seems like there's been so many things in a shirt space of time in the new room. I'm not really sure what to do.

None of those things would worry me at all tbh.

I think your just, understandably, struggling a bit with the difference between a baby room and a room full of older more mobile toddlers.

Even the biting? I suspect it's the same kid and I want to know it's being dealt with. I realise the can't be there all the time but if it's happened twice then it must have happened to another kid too.

Honestly, none of that sounds that concerning to me? It’s upsetting to watch your child cry at drop off but I’m sure she’ll settle in and it’s only been a week. I doubt they co ordinate staff shifts with when kids change rooms, unfortunately.

If the biting continues I’d push them for a strategy to deal with it but I’m not sure twice so far is a huge deal. Chances are it’ll be your kid doing the biting/scratching/hitting at some point!

I think with the first one, they could have perhaps organised the transition so that her new key worker was there. Obviously you can't do much now but maybe mention it so that in future they can plan for it.

With the biting - it's not nice I know but they won't give you any details about the other child/children. I would expect them to mention it to the parents and keep a close eye on children who are going through a biting phase. Perhaps ask them how they are monitoring things to reduce the risk of biting.

The you cutting her mouth is quite worrying - young Kids chew things and toys should be safe enough for them to do that. Mention it to the room leader - toys should be regularly checked.

Hopefully, it's just teething problems with the new room and it will settle down but keep an eye on things closely.

Interesting responses.

@riotlady how many times would it happen before you become concerned? (I know that sounds goady but genuine question).

They said they took the block away from her but I don't know if they've done anything with it.

I don't think any of that would worry me, either. It's normal not to tell you which child it is - I think (could be wrong) they're not actually allowed to tell you things like that, because there are quite strict rules about disclosing info about other people's children?

I never really found it mattered whether DD had her keyworker there or not - her current keyworker happens to be someone we think is really great, but her previous one was (though perfectly nice) not a particular favourite of DD's, and it didn't matter.

I do think, though, that sometimes seemingly trivial issues stick in mind more because what you're really noticing is that something just isn't quite right. If it were me, I'd not do anything in particular, but I'd be a bit on 'alert' to see if maybe in the next few weeks there's something you or the nursery could do to make your DD settle in a bit better.

(And, FWIW, when my DD is teething her gums do bleed. Sometimes in her sleep. I can imagine maybe it wouldn't take very much to cause a bleed, if the tooth is very near to the surface?)

My little girl moved into the toddler room and I knew I had to move her. Nothing specific, just small things. I wasnt keen on the staff, key worker never there, staff didnt try to settle her or even engage when we arrived.

I found another nursery and so pleased we changed. Go with your gut instinct. You are not happy, don't try and justify it, look at other nurseries and do what you think is right.

Biting is really common at the toddler stage. It could well be the same child twice, and it doesn't mean he or she is a mini psychopath. Ironically it could be a child that your own DD is particularly drawn to! I suspect you may find the toddler room rather more chaotic and rambunctious than the baby room, but your DD will learn invaluable skills like making friends, saying NO in a loud voice when something she doesn't like is happening, sharing toys, taking turns, saying sorry etc. Nothing in what you say would concern me.

They won't tell you about which kid it is that's biting but they should have a strategy in place to deal with it. Mine was also bitten by another but our nursery had a plan to deal with it.

Not sure about cutting a mouth by biting on a block. Are they sure she didn't fall over? Or maybe was chewing it but awkwardly somehow?

I don't know if they'd delay a week of later starts though. The key worker might have had a good reason to need to start late that week. That might have just been a spot of unfortunate timing.

I’ll be brave and be honest about the biting thing. I’ve been in tears over it. I had 4 months of almost daily bites, yep, it was my son!!

He was just turned 3 and had a new baby brother, we moved house and a lot of nursery staff moved round. Every day I had an incident form to sign, the Nursery was fab though, kept a close eye on him, monitored it. We bought all the children’s books like stories about being kind, charts, rewards, the thinking chair and time outs. You name it we tried it. And literally overnight he stopped. Just like that.

It was horrible, I dreaded seeing other parents and wanted the nursery to assure the parents I was doing everything I could and that we were a nice normal family.

So if you got through that, it’s horrid but also very very normal.
Just one of those things sadly.

@Bobbiepin I would say if in a few more weeks, your kid is still being bitten a few times a week, especially if it’s breaking the skin again, I’d bring it up again and want a firmer answer about how they’re dealing with it (you can’t expect them to tell you what which child it is though, they won’t be allowed)

No one wants children to bite each other so the nursery will definitely have done something. I'm not sure how they could have avoided a block cutting your child's mouth. Doesn't sound like it will happen again. Is your child hugely impacted by any of these incidents? Surely they have just moved on and forgotten about it and that's what you should do too.

None of that would be worrying to me. My son's key worker wasn't there for whole days during his settling in weeks (we needed specific days and those weren't her days, which is fair enough).

My older one used to be bitten quite regularly (as it turned out, by her best friend). I would say at least once a month for probably 2 years, until friend grew out of it. If you trust the setting, you should trust they are handling it. They will have their own methods and will be addressing it with the other child and parents.

Injuring themselves is just one of those things. It happens. That doesn't sound like an issue of negligence, just something that happens. My oldest jumped off a climbing frame face first into stinging nettles. She came home covered head to toe in blisters on every non-covered bit of skin. It happens. They need to give them space to explore and only reign them in if it's truly dangerous, and even then not every injury is going to be preventable.

I think all these things are just part and parcel of choosing nursery care.

Toddlers bite sometimes. Staff won't tell you anything about another child.

Staffing isn't always organised with children's attachment needs in mind - it primarily meets the logistical needs of the nursery.

Blocks, pens, train track etc all could possibly cause injury.

I've got a two year old and a three year old, both in nursery from 11 months. My three year old screamed at drop off every day for about two years but otherwise has been fine. My two year old is a biter. He's never bitten at nursery but he's bitten me and his brother countless times. I warned nursery to be vigilant with him and they were quite laid back and said they would be 'but they are all a bit bitey at this age'. It's normal. He's been bitten a couple of times and not by the same child.

I really wouldn't worry, there is a big difference between a baby and a toddler and therefore a big difference in the rooms. She cut her mouth, but that's normal too really, accidents happen. My youngest has been to A&E for various things six times in the last 18 months, and those were accidents that happened on my watch. He's just accident prone, but lots of kids are.

These things seem normal and wouldn’t worry me, although if the biting continues I would want reassurance about their plan to protect my child.

However at the same time I agree with a pp that if you’re not happy with the nursery then there’s nothing wrong with having a look at the alternative options. At the end of the day it’s important that you feel comfortable with the way your child is being cared for.

I wouldnt like the biting

Nothing out of the ordinary here. The kids are more mobile and toys very different so socialising will look different too and accidents will happen.
My DD is 3 and has bitten 2 different kids in the last 2 weeks. Same day each week. Apart from trying to find out if there is something upsetting her on those days, I can't really "do" anything. I have asked her why and threatended consequences if it happens again but I can't do anything else. And trust me - as the parent of "that child" I am more upset about the biting than you!

I think you are being over sensitive but I understand why.so she cut her self on a block as she is teething, that could have happened with almost anything anywhere even at your house.
The biting is upsetting and it happened to mine but hopefully it will be dealt with.
The key worker not being there is a non issue to me.

I wouldnt like the biting
Who does!!
But it happens and has always happened.

Thank you for your replies.

I know they wont tell me which kid it is, but I would like to know if it was the same kid both times and if it was, what they are doing about it. If they have a plan in place I'm happy, but they won't tell me even that.

DD is completely unaffected by it all. I realise I sound a bit precious but I'm actually quite laid back about bumps and tumbles. She's a very resilient girl and only ever cries if she's really hurt or shocked herself.

@riotlady that seems reasonable. I know the risk is so minimal but with it breaking the skin I did worry about her catching something.

Maybe it's all just a bit new and I need to get used to it. Dd was running around like a blue arsed fly when I got there. I'm sure if she was miserable we'd know about it.

If you ate this bad now wait until she is in year 5 and 6!
You won't survive!!!

I had a child that was bitten and my second child bit.

Having felt that I'd never have a child that bit I was mortified.
It is what happens if you chose a nursery. There are lots of pros to nursery and lots of what you describe is normal. Go and talk to the manager about your concerns. Be reasonable and calm. Seek to understand.
Itll give you practice for when your child goes to school.

They won't tell you anything about the biter(s) or what is happening to them. They will not share information about other children.