To be annoyed at nursery

[Bobbiepin]

DD has been at nursery for 10 months (she's 19mo) and recently moved into the toddler room. We had no complaints with the baby room (except for them being a little over zealous with the sick policy). She adored her key worker, formed strong bonds with the other staff and loved it.

Since moving up rooms I've got some concerns but don't really know how to go about dealing with them.

1. Dd had settling in sessions over a week in the new room, all fine, very happy. They allocated her a key worker but this woman was on later shifts for the first week so wasnt there for drop off which made it much much harder (DD has never cried at drop off but cried every day that week). Couldn't this have been delayed a week so the key worker would be there on an earlier shift?
2. In 3 days she's been bitten twice. I realise this happens, but twice in 3 days seems excessive. The staff can't watch every kid every second of the day, and won't tell me if it was the same child but they also won't tell me what is being done about it (e.g. if the kid's parents have been informed, what discipline is happening etc.) The first bite broke the skin.
3. Today I was also told she was chewing on a block and its cut her mouth. Fair play she's teething and chewing on stuff, but should they have things around that can cut her?

Usually the nursery are great but it seems like there's been so many things in a shirt space of time in the new room. I'm not really sure what to do.

I'd just ask them to keep an extra eye on her as you're concerned she's encountered a few injuries of late. I wouldn't be too worried about any of it, though I would be if the biting continued frequently. I would have thought they'd have an official policy on biting, or hitting?

@Underhisi I know that, I've said that in a previous post. I don't care who it is, I care what they are doing about it but staff weren't able to tell me today.

Maybe I'm coming across a bit hysterical, I don't know. I'm asking here before I speak to the room leader because I wasn't sure if IWBU. I really would hope by year 5 or 6 no one will be biting...Of course there are issues to come but I'm not throwing my toys out the pram.

I used to work in a nursery and that sounds pretty standard for that age. The biting will be dealt with but they won’t tell you how as it’s another child’s information. Biting is really stressful for everyone involved but it just happens so quickly.
The block was an accident.
The key worker won’t always be in the room (holidays, part-time staff, breaks, in the office, talking to a parent...) so it’s fine for other staff to greet the child.

I know she wont always be there but if they knew she would be on later shifts could they not have waited to move her until she would be in?

Maybe I am being a bit precious.

There might have been all kind of logistical reasons for your DD needing to move up that week - maybe they needed her place in the baby room, maybe the key person needed to cover shifts for someone on holiday.

The staff won't tell you what they are doing about it in terms of discipline etc. They can only tell you about how they are keeping your child safe.

My daughter was never bitten at nursery. I wouldn’t have been happy if she was, and would have wanted to know their policy on the matter.

FWIW I think they’ve handled her transition to the toddler room really badly. Her KW should have been there for her first week.

What if she missed important parts of the new room routine by going in later?

I think you're really overthinking this.

Biting is normal. They won't tell you anything.

Bleeding from mouth is usually when they've bitten something and a tooth has come through. This happened a lot at home with mine, on train tracks, duplo, a spoon etc.

I don't understand what sort of policy some people are expecting them to have.

You don't sound hysterical. You do sound worried.

I know my DP would be the same, FWIW.

Overall, none of those things that you mention appear to be unusual or out of the ordinary for a nursery

DC1 went into nursery from 6 months and never cried at drop off...until they moved up into the toddler room. It's all new for them, the room, the children, the adults etc

There are biters at nursery- as there are everywhere else, it's what little children do. I think it's just unfortunate that your LO got bitten more than once/in a short space of time.

but should they have things around that can cut her?
Well, no, obviously not, but if a child is teething and biting everything there's a chance they will get hurt

My instinct is that you should discuss your concerns with the nursery, to make them known, but overall I wouldn't think that these things point to anything terrible about the nursery

What difference would her key worker being there have made? Presumably they are all new to her so she would have cried anyway. If she’d just settled with the key worker and then come in next week to find her not there she’d have been upset all over again. Really she just needs to learn to settle regardless of which adults are present. You’ve chosen a nursery setting, what if the key worker leaves altogether?

@Bobbiepin I was just given a rota each week and my hours didn’t always match all of my key-children’s hours.

@Gruzinkerbell1 they should give you a copy of the general biting policy if you asked but they couldn’t tell you what they were doing for a specific child. Say one child always bit at story time so that child was going to be doing something else in that time it would make it easier to identify them if you knew that.

If they have a plan in place I'm happy, but they won't tell me even that.

They can't tell you about a plan if it relates to a specific child (children bite for different reasons, meaning different approaches might have to be taken). They should, however, have a behaviour policy that sets out how they deal with incidents like biting and hitting.

Sorry meant to add....a behaviour policy available for you to read.

I wouldn’t be happy with this either but then I never liked the idea of nursery full stop at that age, just don’t think it’s the best environment for them having to battle it out all the time with loads of other toddlers all day. I’d favour a child minder in a home environment until they’re 3, just my feeling though. Follow your instincts I’d say! Look for other settings if you’re not happy.

Omg some kid bites ur baby twice in the same day and your just meant to be fine with it. Not being funny this is what annoys me on here heaven forbid anyone say anything about nursery workers. Nursery's are paid a hell of alot to keep our kids supervised and safe. Being bitten once yes forgivable twice on the same day? Do your job people.

I say this as someone who has worked in nursery's, care homes, respite homes. And these are people with severe disabilities who lash out of impulse. If there is a child biting other kids should they not be supervised at all times.
I don't think your being precious at all your being fair. All you wanted was some reassurance it is not going to happen again.
Also the block thing as other people have said it could be one of them things with teeth coming through but after the biting incidents your within your rights to feel a bit peed off. I would.

Move your Child to a different nursery. Your right not much thought has gone on with moving her. Or be completely blunt with them say I would like to know what is being done about the biting incident, and say that your DD finds the change overwhelming and you would prefer it if they moved her next time when her key person is in.

I'll have a look and see if they have the behaviour policy online. @AshQ thank you for that, that's understandable, albeit annoying. I would want the same for DD if she was to be the biter.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat you are right, as much as I don't like to admit it. DD got on so well with all the staff in baby room, they all adored her and she was happy to go to any of them. We thought she would settle quickly in the other room because she spent so much time in there and was so happy but I suppose drop off is still new and different.

the nursery may recoeve a lot of money but the people “keeping your kids safe” are paid minimum wage!

@Amy326 she's absolutely thriving at nursery. She's so social, will play with anyone and such a happy little girl usually. Nursery is also the right choice for us as a family.

I'm not looking to move her, I don't believe she's at risk of serious harm but I am annoyed at the biting. Maybe more so at the lack of information.

It’s not an overreaction to be upset by your child being upset and hurt at nursery, OP. All these super easygoing parents telling you they wouldn’t bat an eyelid if it were them... well, I see these comments a lot and I think it’s the culture of AIBU

If you ate this bad now wait until she is in year 5 and 6! You won't survive!!!

As for this comment - well it’s plain nasty.

Thank you, that's very kind (especially for AIBU ).

I think I'll do much better with primary school, at least with a verbal child I'll have her view of what's happened at least.

If you ate this bad now wait until she is in year 5 and 6!
You won't survive!!!
Why? Mine are 12 and 14 and at the local comp and fine but i worried more when they were at nursery as they are so much more vulnerable at that age.

Op can I ask what you expect them to do about the bitting, you mentioned a plan but what would that look like to you.
I’m curious as a nursery manager what parent expectations are: I currently have a child that pushes, very hard and bites and it’s turning into a logistical nightmare in regard to staffing:
So far I have applied for funding for a one to one, this could take up to 8 weeks from then to decide, they often say no.

then i have to find someone nice who will work for a pittance,
I have to vett them which will take a few weeks particularly the references as people aren’t great at returning them, so the whole process is long and time consuming.

So in the mean time I allocate a staff member to be responsible for the child, however this leaves the other staff looking after all the other children, therefore the care the rest of the children get is diluted.
I can’t afford another extra member of staff, and the one I employ is already busy with another child.

My nursery is a pre school nursery, term time with charitable status, we break even by the end of the year.
However I used to run a day nursery and the money situation was pretty similar.

I’m just curious what you expect?

@Freddiefox you have my sympathy, I'm a teacher and I do understand how difficult it is to manage the needs of a SEND child (or just a badly behaved one) against the needs of other children.

To be honest I was hoping for some sort of naughty step, time out type thing. Obviously if there are additional needs in play then that child needs more attention (for their sake but also to ensure they don't hurt others) but I would expect my dd to be disciplined in an age appropriate way if she did something wrong.