Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being a boring wife...

84 replies

Alicewond · 10/06/2019 03:32

So I don’t want to bungee jump, I hate heights. I also don’t want to swim with sharks. Also terrifies me. Should I feel bad that I’m withholding experiences from him? I’ve been told I’m boring. Maybe I am

OP posts:
IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 10/06/2019 03:35

How are you stopping him doing those things?

I'm scared of height, so my husband does a bungee jump and a zipline and all that stuff while I just wait at the bottom.

He's scared of deep water so I went scuba diving while he chilled on the beach.

Unless you're physically joined at the hip, he can do all those things on his own, right?

PregnantSea · 10/06/2019 03:54

If he can't do a short activity without you getting involved then it sounds like he is the boring one

Kiwiinkits · 10/06/2019 03:56

What she said ^

dreichuplands · 10/06/2019 03:58

DH lives track driving, I don't. So he goes and does it.
I do stuff he doesn't like.
We do lots together but not everything.

Mummaofmytribe · 10/06/2019 03:59

YANBU
I have never been able to get my head round doing something that sounds potentially fatal as a hobby or a treat.
I'm also petrified of heights like you and last time I looked the kind of sharks you do the diving with have fucking great teeth and would like to snack on you.
If my OH wants to jump out of a plane, abseil down a mountain, get dangled in a cage in the midst of a shark frenzy he can knock himself out. He has good life insurance Wink
I'm not boring. I just don't want to risk a grisly death unless, you know, there's no choice.
Each to their own.

Russell19 · 10/06/2019 04:16

I swam with sharks.... no cage....it was amazing!

YANBU it's your choice what you do. You can always support or watch your husband BUT it's fun to push yourself and try new things. Why not try it once and see how it goes?

longwayoff · 10/06/2019 05:51

I'm with tribe,all that chest-beating alpha stuff is bloody tiresome. Let others get on with it. That lengthy bus-queue at the top of Everest the other day? The absolute epitome of self-indulgent Westerners 'proving themselves' and 'pushing boundaries'. Yawn.

Weenurse · 10/06/2019 06:01

Mine likes to dive, I snorkel.
He does not like queues and fast rides, I went to a Disney with DD2 and met him in Hawaii.
He went diving, I went shopping. We then went to see the turtles together.
Let him do his thins and you do yours, as long as you do some things together

BarbaraofSevillle · 10/06/2019 06:01

What you need to do is find something you like and be better than him at it.

I've tried all sorts with DP and some I've hated (skateboarding, surfing and snowboarding as I have no balance and was just too scared of falling off and hurting myself), some I've quite liked (mountain biking and rock climbing) and then scuba diving, which I've taken to much better than he has and I am now a much more experienced and qualified diver than he is.

We can still do both on holiday, go off with friends to do, or bike or dive together but at the level of the least confident person.

Shequakes · 10/06/2019 06:01

Maybe you just arent compatible.

If he wants to go off and have 'adventures' with you, theres nothing wrong with that. But he should be with someone who wants to do that too.

Theres nothing wrong with you not wanting to it either. But it may just be that you need someone who isn't bother by doing this stuff either.

Whisky2014 · 10/06/2019 06:06

Bungee jumping and diving with sharks...these are so stereotypical of "I'm so wild, look what I did" but they are so common it's not very impressive. He needs to think outside the box. He's the boring one, for sure.
Yanbu!

mumto2babyboys · 10/06/2019 06:06

Why has he never gone and done any of this stuff before by himself? Apart from swimming with sharks he can bungee jump in lots of places in the uk

WMPAGL · 10/06/2019 06:09

Is he the one telling you you're boring? That's mean.

I doubt he likes doing everything you like doing either so tell him to put his big boy pants on and do some of these things with friends or by himself while you do some things you like and you can meet up and do the things you both like together.

My DH pushes me out of my comfort zone with things like this but also respects my opt-outs or if I try something and don't like it. I'm not a big risk taker, and by the sound of it nor are you, and that's OK.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 10/06/2019 06:11

whisky I think it all depends on the spirit it's done in.

Some people do it for the likes and show off about it and think they're the big man for doing that shit. Personally, I don't really get those people, it's not actually adventurous to do something that is pre-packaged and pre-arranged and that anyone on a gap year can do. If you went mountain biking alone through the Himalayas or trekking through the Amazon, it would be much more impressive.

But if people do it just cos they fancy it, fair enough. I've done stuff like that and enjoyed it, so why not? But if other people don't want to do it, that's ok too. I don't show off about it or think it makes me special though.

ChipSandwich · 10/06/2019 06:26

How are you withholding experiences from him? Can't he do it by himself, or with a group of likeminded adrenaline junkies?
Why do you have to do it too?

AnyOldPrion · 10/06/2019 06:33

Did he tell you that? If so, he’s telling you he neither likes nor respects you. He’s an asshole.

Hahaha88 · 10/06/2019 06:37

Come on you're not withholding those experiences from him. This is one of the most daft things I've read. You're married, not one person, you can do things without each other

KatherineJaneway · 10/06/2019 06:39

Do you do any activities together? Maybe he is trying to get you to do something as a couple rather than not being able to do things on his own?

I wouldn't bungee jump but would swim with sharks. It's fine you won't do either and certainly not boring.

megrichardson · 10/06/2019 06:39

How dare he call you 'boring'! I suggest that there's no one as boring as someone who things that their own way of having fun is the only way to have fun. Think Bear Grylls.

Is your DH really so interesting, himself? If he says you're boring, again, perhaps you need to firmly explain how much he's upsetting you the insensitive git

OnlineAlienator · 10/06/2019 06:41

You arent witholding, its fine for him to do it himself. I preferred more high octane activities than my husband, he just let me get on with it and i didnt push him past his comfort limits with things. I wouldnt like that, so why would i do it to a partner???

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/06/2019 06:44

You not liking the high-risk activities that he does does not equate to you being "Boring".
Something else is going on if he's said that to you.

Most couples have different hobbies and interests, and most couples will just get on and do their hobbies individually as they're not, as said, joined at the hip.

So if he's suggesting that you're holding him back and you are boring, he's being a) ridiculous and b) there's something else that's bothering him.

Gemma93 · 10/06/2019 06:51

Is this something he wants to do regularly...?

If so, no reason why he can’t do them on his own. Maybe sometimes you could come and watch, to cheer him on etc. And in return he can do some things you care about.

AJPTaylor · 10/06/2019 06:51

I literally cannot get on a boat without up chucking. Or rides at theme parks. We have managed to remain happily married!

Fucket · 10/06/2019 06:53

Tell him to get some friends and a social life.

Tinkobell · 10/06/2019 06:56

Presumably HE has told YOU that you're boring.....cos you won't hold his hand and do stuff with him??? Silly. He's a big boy can pull up his own pants and do stuff all by himself if he wants to.....unless he's actually a bit chicken too of course and looking for an excuse. Might be worth checking the life insurance would be valid with some risky activities beforehand though. DH Recently drove the Nurburg ring.....big risk of accident/fatalities not uncommon, no lid ever insurance cover.

Swipe left for the next trending thread