Being a boring wife...

[Alicewond]

So I don’t want to bungee jump, I hate heights. I also don’t want to swim with sharks. Also terrifies me. Should I feel bad that I’m withholding experiences from him? I’ve been told I’m boring. Maybe I am

The op doesn't make sense. You need to explain why you not wanting to do something affects someone else doing them.

I'm quite boring with hobby type stuff, I have no desire to get an adrenaline rush, cycle down country lanes dressed in Lycra or run marathons. My husband does like to do all these things and more, so he either does it with friends or on his own. He'd never call me boring and insist I take part with him. I'll go and cheer him on in a marathon sometimes but only if I feel like it.

I'd be eye rolling at my husband if he called me boring and I'd have a few choice words for him.

Sit down and work out what interests each of you and see where there is commonality or compromise.

We essentially had this when we emerged from a busy decade of full time work, teenagers, elderly parents etc. Suddenly we had time on our hands, or rather I did because I had taken redundancy because of the elderly parents, and money.

DH loves watching sport...of all types so I bought him a Sky subscription, and we decided to jointly support a football Club near my mother and go to matches. (His heart is still with Leeds....) He goes alone to cricket and rugby league but often selects matches near either our student daughter or his parents. I have found I enjoy the human angle, the progression of young players, and the survival of older players who rose from lower divisions.

I like walking. DH does not. He marches to the destination as if this is the sole point, with me tailing behind. He likes history. Walking holidays in interesting places with someone else setting the pace, works. (We both tend to duck out of group activities in the evening.)

He likes obscure films and heavy books. But we go to the theatre together. I am more sociable, and have a good group of friends who I see without him.

It works.

And please those who are saying but why don't you like it, try it, it's brilliant are really missing the point. I did stuff like this a bit in My 20s on hen dos etc but always hated them, even relatively tame stuff like go karting or paintball. Once I hit 30 I decided I absolutely was not going to do stuff I know will make me nervous, scared of falling etc and go to the bits I would enjoy. I think once you reach a certain point you mostly know the sort of stuff you enjoy and I hate it when people tell me I will love X because they do.

Just explain to him that this kind of high adrenaline stuff just isnt your bag!, My husband would always go on fast theme park rides with our children , and encourage me to go with them .I refused ,and then one day thought oh I will give it a go .Never Again!! felt sick ,shaky and had to sit down for 30 mins to stop my heart pounding!. Since then he has accepted its just not me .You are not boring just different to him !

If he thinks you are boring he does not hold any respect for you.

If you think you are boring then going bungee jumping is not going to change that, you will just think of yourself as a boring person who jumped once.

Know your mind, don't do stuff just because someone else wants you to or you think you should. You are not withholding experiences from him - he can do all these things with friends or in groups of like-minded people -

but... you don't seem "happy" - what has changed...?

How are you withholding experiences from him?
Surely he can do these things himself or he could go with a group of friends.
Sounds like he needs you to hold his hand - pathetic.
Tell him you'll go with him and watch and then you can go for a meal together afterwards but no way are you bungee jumping for his benefit.
Pathetic man.

Is it a matter of you not wanting to do these things, or are you wringing your hands and whining that he must not do them either, because they are scary and dangerous and silly?
It's fine to send him off to do stuff with his mates that you don't fancy, but unreasonable to insist he avoids risky leisure activities because they are risky.

I think the op has done a runner. But if not op is he pressuring you? Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something, you are not happy doing and that includes swimming with sharks!

Why is it such a problem that you don't like these things?? It doesn't make you boring!

Is he having a mid life crisis do you suppose??

Will he be asking to buy a yellow Ferrari next with black windows and super sonic sound system?

One might also call you the smart wife!

Anyhow, trying new things is still great imo. But for yourself / because you want to try them.
do you like mountainbiking? Wind surfing? Rowing? Aerial fabric? Pole dancing? Bouldering (that one might be good if you can deal with low heights), skating etc...? Belly dancing? Survivalist courses?

Find something you are passionate about. Would be my advice I guess.

*smart / intelligent because you don't want to go near sharks. I'm not sure if I made that clear....

longwayoffit’s surely the biggest opposite of adrenaline high ever to get to the top of Everest and have to queue up.

I like to watch my husband do his crazy shit. From a nice bar or cafe and a good book

I cannot agree with the comment about women giving birth do son't need "cheap thrill" at all! I don't agree with the "feminist equality" nonsense that tries to erase of the positives of womanhood, but women enjoy extreme sports and events just as much.

Some do. Some men don't.

Why can't your husband go without you? It's not like you are forbidding him to do anything. He does his things, you do yours and you meet in the middle.

In a way it's nice if he's willing to share something with you, and would rather go with his wife than some maters, but as you don't like it, he'll have to go for the friends option.

*Maters? MATES!

Put it this way. If you go swimming with sharks they almost certainly won't eat you. But if you don't go swimming with sharks they definitely won't eat you. And you've saved the cost of hiring a boat and equipment into the bargain. I'd call that a win.

I wonder whether you're deemed to be withholding experiences from DH because he was expecting you to organise the trip?

Why is you not wanting to do these things holding him back?

Does he need you to hold his hand?

And being called 'boring' is just insulting.

Do you have children? If not, LTB, he’s a twat.

Why on earth can't he do such things on his own? There have been times when dh has wanted to do things I knew I'd hate (e.g. White water rafting) but he's happy to do them alone.

Anyway, such things are usually expensive so even more of a waste if you're not going to enjoy them.

I was once urged (largely by dds!) into parasailing, which I knew I'd probably hate (I did) to save being a boring old wimp. IIRC that was 180 Barbados dollars down the drain.

Nowadays I'm glad to say I've reached an age where if I don't want to do something, I just say so and don't give a toss what anyone thinks.

Has he actually called you "boring" because you don't want to participate in these activities? I'm completely in agreement with you and most others on this thread - plus, I'd say that wanting to do the same things with the same person all the time is far more "boring" than having some diverse interests some of the time.

I've met a couple of people recently who've said that, apart from school, they have never read a book. I find that much more peculiar.

And to a PP, I am an accountant...... 😀

Put it this way. If you go swimming with sharks they almost certainly won't eat you. But if you don't go swimming with sharks they definitely won't eat you. And you've saved the cost of hiring a boat and equipment into the bargain. I'd call that a win.

Yes, exactly!! My stepfather's wife is a diving instructor (not as a source of income, just for... Fun, I suppose)and was on a shark diving safari last year.

It's apparently very low risk. And yet... On the very last day of their stay they learned that their had been a very bad accident (aka an attack) just a week prior!

Even though they were apparently a 'non-aggressive' breed of sharks.

Btw, if it's just about adrenaline... May I suggest ice swimming? No heights or sharks. But the 'flash' you get is really awesome imo. (and it's said to be healthy, isn't it? makes me sleep like a baby.

Do you know what I find really boring? People who sneer at others because they don't enjoy the same things that they do. It's just so tedious, having to justify why your idea of 'fun' isn't necessarily the same as theirs.

Why can't he do those things alone or with his friends? If his friends don't want to jump out of a plane with him is he going to get the hump with them and call them 'boring' too? I doubt it.

My ex-boss used to go ski-ing with friends once every year. In the summer her husband went sea fishing, every year, with friends. Because he hated to ski and she hated fishing. To save using annual leave 'enduring' something they hated they did split holidays. Then, later in the year they'd have a great beach holiday together somewhere hot (because they both enjoyed swimming and hot weather). That way they enjoyed their past times without having to worry what the other person was doing or having to hurry because the other person may be getting bored. They each came home with stories from their holidays and have a great marriage because they appreciate the fact that being married doesn't mean joined at the hip. I mean, even if you enjoy the same past times, there are times when you all need a bit of 'just me' time.

lingerie is the solution. Not boring!
Glad I could help.

Has the op responded?
Slightly unsure why a grown man who's already married would not have done these bog standard activities, I mention it because I have before I had children and I'm not even a huge adrenaline junkie but everyone had that bucket list phase... so is he having a mid life crisis all of a sudden and he has no mates to do these things with or

Was this a made up thread???