To feel so bloody nervous to go out to event on my own ?

[TheGardenisMine]

There's a village fair starting in twenty minutes literally a two minute walk from my front door.

It's sunny, I've nothing pressing to do, they may sell plants but am shaking at thought of walking out the door on my own.

Recently separated from an abuser. But thought I was "getting there" then this !!

Is it worth putting myself through feeling this sick ?

Another one here saying we’re with you, you can do this! I’ve been there too and totally get how you feel. Go buy that plant, come home the minute you think ‘enough’ and if you can manage it think how good you’ll feel! If you really aren’t ready, then that’s ok too, but this is you taking back control from your abuser, really hope you can do it - and second the sunglasses - they are great for hiding behind if you need them

Not unreasonable at all, but if you do go you'll rightly feel proud and empowered!

Even a walk just to see how busy it looks is better than sitting at home worrying about how busy it might be and then missing the chance all together. Good luck!

Baby steps OP. You can do this. Just a little five minute wander round then back home. Just a little leg stretch. Deep breaths. It's going to be all right.

Yes yes to paper..

Apart from the odd hello to passing neighbours ( rural) I've not made any connections here so am not worried anyone would ask where H was.

I too couldn't leave my home for a long time after an abusive ex.

The very fact that you are even thinking about going to the fete, is really positive in my opinion.

As pp have said, stick your shades on and go and have a mooch, you can leave whenever you want. The more you do things, in time, the easier it gets.

Hats off to your bravery. I hope you do go and have a nice time.

You will get there, take things at your speed.
I wish you every happiness and success with your baby steps

Hand hold here too OP. You can do this!!!

You can do it OP. Even if you stay 1 minute it will be an achievement. I know it sounds silly but when I start feeling really anxious I try to identify the physical feeling and concentrate really hard. For example there's a sensation in my chest but I can't quite put my finger on what exactly it is, a counsellor friend taught me this technique and it tends to help in the short term for me.

Also definitely reward yourself when you get back!

Thinking of you. You can do this! Baby steps, little and often. Let us know if you buy anything.

Oo. I do love a good village fete. O hope you go for a few moments. The cake stall is good to visit first. They will sell the yummiest stuff first. If you want to talk you can ask "which groups got involved in making these" .....followed up with "I'm quite new here I didn't know there was a (wi/church group/guides etc) - what else is there to do for someone like me with (no kids/interest in walking etc etc)" change the bits in brackets to suit the situation. You don't actually need to want to join anything it's just to have a polite chat. Same on the gardening stall...."I've recently moved into X. I know nothing about gardening but I notice some beautiful displays in the village. I wonder what I could get that might work in my garden.... " These all put the onus on the other person to talk to you. Have a lovely time.

You can do it!

And a fete will probably have a cake stall so you could buy yourself a yummy slice of something nice to have with a cuppa when you get home.

Do it, you’ll feel so much better.

You’ve got this!

If you do buy the plant, it will forever be a symbol of your bravery. If they have anything like tomato plants, you could get one of those too and then every time you ate one, it would be a positive reinforcement of your achievement.

Go for it! We’re all rooting for you.

Remember to pop back in and tell us how you got on all your friends are here waiting to hear and congradulate you .

Good luck. Sunglasses are a great idea. Perfect place to find your feet. Have a smile ready. You will feel so good if you can manage this.

As a past sufferer of anxiety (including fear of events and at one point leaving the house) I am sending you an un-mumsnettty hug and my advice would be to do it - go to the fair, even if for a short while and see how you get on. Home is very close by if you decide you've had enough and 100% these things always feel worse in your head than they truly are. If you push yourself to do things and face fears you will gradually feel less fearful over time - even if it is a long process, every little victory will be worth its weight in gold in terms of your confidence and self esteem. You can do it, you really can - but if you decide that today is not the day then don't feel guilty about it, just take small steps when you feel you can. You will get there. The reality is that the event will most probably be full of nice people, nobody there wishes you harm, quite the opposite, and you may see some interesting things. You don't have to speak to anyone if you don't want to - you could just do a wander for 10 mins and pop back home, no biggie :-). Take things at your own pace.

My day has become about rooting for thegardenismine

Good luck. Feel the sun on your face and the breeze in your hair. Love the idea of a plant forever being a symbol of this brave step forward.

Keep posting on here about anything and everything. People diss MN but it's been a lifeline for me recently.

There are so many people with crippling anxiety, we understand how you feel and we will get better x

Why not go out defining yourself in a new persona. You are an independent woman recently moved into the area looking to get into gardening. Single people and single women are not new and these days are a big norm in society. Almost all adults have been or will be single at some point.

Remember People on the whole like people. They will welcome you, even to just sell you stuff.

How about if you just walk there and see how you feel?
Set the goal as walking there rather than going in so if you feel that’s as much as you want to do you’ve still achieved it
Anything more is a bonus
Good luck x

I hope Gardenismine is on her way to the fete. Great idea to buy a plant, plant stall people are very friendly, usually have lots of information to offer.

If you are still lurking Garden, ask for a bee friendly plant, bees need friends too! Come back and tell us how you got on.

Headphones and a podcast might be useful. Good luck OP.

I hope you are there now buying a lovely plant and delicious cake. If you didn't manage it don't worry, you were considering going and that's a good first step.

I suffer from anxiety.

Well done. You are doing brilliantly.