DSS and puppy.

[Itactuallyneverends]

DH and I after a period of grief have decided to get a puppy. Great. Told DSS he is beyond excited. Great. DSS told his mum, she wasn't happy. She thought she should have been consulted. Doesn't want DSS to ever be left alone with dog due to breed. Is insisting on contacting the breeder to find out more about nature etc. Demanding we get DSS allergy tested. I have dealt with the breeder they send me pictures, which I send to DSS. I got a message from her saying I wasn't to contact DSS, it's not my place. Only DSS's dad is to contact him. AIBU that this isn't really anything to do with her and that she should just leave us alone to get excited about our new family member ?!

Actually we do get a say, we are the kids other parent. The children's needs and safety should be put first every time.

You really don't get to dictate on a matter like this, thank god. It's totally unreasonable.

The mom is nuts. As are some of the posters on this thread. I wonder how they are all going to stop thier children ever interacting with dogs. Presumably by telling them all dogs are dangerous and could bite your face off at any time.

OP, When you say teen...is he 12/3 or 14/15/16?

Are you a fairly new feature in his life?

I'm just wondering because if I were in her position, if my kids were younger, and the step mum fairly new, I would probably feel a bit guarded/ insecure... I may have worried that my kids would prefer being there, and I would worry that the step mom got to be the fun breezy one, while I was the miserly hag who kept telling them to do their chores.
When I was in that situation, I had to bite down those feelings, and keep my eye on the big picture- that their step mum was interested and keen to build a relationship which was the main thing.

In any case, it isn't unreasonable for you to contact him- we live in a world where almost anyone can contact almost anyone else at any given time. But, maybe ease up on it for a bit.

Is the relationship between you and her normally ok?

Augh I hate when people say 'it depends on the breed'.... erm not really. My dd had a Rottweiler growing up and now I'm pregnant with dd2 this one will have a Malamute.

It's about how people treat the dog. Child. Adult. Neighbour. Anyone.

I think she's just a bit jealous, like you said, that dss will be more keen to stay at yours. And honestly YOU getting a dog is none of HER business. Would Dad be able to put his nose in if she was to get a pet?

Ignore her ridiculous demands, she’s being completely stupid.

FFS, what a load of shit.

RightYesButNo But they are nanny dogs.

I watched as taking Dd and ds out for a walk in their prams each day my dgirl would position herself between the pram and any dog that wasn’t a regular was trying to look in to the pram.

She was the sweetest little girl who I miss every day.
Friend has 2 Staffies who are equally sweet and dopey who love sleeping outside snoring away on the trampoline.

You are getting mixed up Pit bulls are a banned breed in the UK so talking about that breed killing isn’t really relevant.

You do know there is a difference between a pit bull and a staffie

She's batshit crazy. Was it a particularly traumatic divorce / very recent? I feel like the issue isn't really the dog at all, it's just that the dog is a flashpoint. Get the puppy, enjoy it, read up on proper socialisation, find a good quality positive reinforcement trainer and teach DSS how to behave around the puppy (eg body language signs of fear and anxiety, let sleeping dogs lie) and all will be well.

Does she have a history of taking so strongly against relatively normal life decisions at your house?

We have 2 ddogs off the top ten most dangerous, same as any ddog, never left unsupervised with dc. Even our other ddogs, not on the list - adult supervision and dc brought up to respect their furry family members. No issues with any of them. How you dc are around ddogs is as vital as the ddog itself ime.

It's not a recent split. DSS and I have good relationship. (10 years deep) I'm not interested in other peoples view on the breed. End of. I grew up with working dogs,I'm super fit so dog will be run a lot and training is essential. . Personally I think she's just an idiot, who wants control. DSS is in love with her and can't wait to bring her home.

Staffs and related breeds were NEVER known as 'nanny dogs'. That was made up within my lifetime.

Nor is 'breed racism' a thing. Dogs have been bred in different types, landraces and breeds for millennia, for different purposes which require different attributes, both physical and mental. While there is a huge range of abilities and personalities in any breed of dog, a Jack Russell terrier is not a pointer, and a pointer is not a border collie. Staffs and related breeds were bred for bull baiting and dog fighting. I'm sure some lines have been bred away from the attributes needed for those activities, but if I were to get a staffie (and I have known a real mix) I'd research the ancestry of the puppy very carefully, and I'd respect the dog's background when I came to train it.

Perhaps if you were to reassure you DSS's mother on that score, she might be happier.

The allergy testing is just batshit.

Another staffy lover here That said, they need to be well trained and do need a lot of exercise.

Training wise, I made sure my dog would drop anything on command. He had tonnes of cool tricks he'd trot out to amuse kids. A favourite of kids being shoot him and he'd die

His replacement is a westie, who could not be more perfect.

In summation, the mother is wrong. Staffies are beautiful. Your DSS can be actively involved in pups training and upbringing. Dogs are good for kids. Staffies are robust and love a good wrestle. Great to play with.

It's not the dog breed, it's the person on the other end of the lead ffsk. I'm sick of having this conversation with ignorant people. I've seen sausage dogs that are far more fierce than staff's. You train them and have them in a good environment walk them love them etc you will have no problems. The thing about the jaws locking is a myth, yes in the press they often get named as demon dogs and this is highly unfair as they are good loving dogs, actually named as nanny dogs. The problem being when people let their kids climb all over them and use them as a thing not teach them about being kind and respectful to any animal. The dog gets hurt and snaps. Who's fault is it? The kids and the parents. Please for God's sake educate yourself. Tell the mum to f off she just wants to control. A staff will be his best friend . It will be good for him to have some responsibility. She sounds jealous and controlling to me. I think your a saint to be so reasonable with her. I would have told her to do one ages ago. Enjoy your pup

Why are you getting a staffy from a breeder? There are so, so many in rescue. Even young puppies. Please consider getting one from rescue.

Aw I love staffys, most of the ones I’ve met don’t deserve the bad reputation the breed has! It’s also got nothing to do with her anyway, it’s your house you do what you want!

@Teacher22 Labradors are one of the breeds responsible for most bites....(insurance data). Not the breeds fault, but the fault of the idiots on the other end of the leash who never trained their dog. All dogs can be dangerous (the worst I‘ve ever met are Dalmatiens and golden retrievers)
I personally don’t like staffier, but there is nothing inherently wrong with the,

She's being absolutely ridiculous and dangerous by assuming breeds are the issue. Especially as dss is a teen so will know how to behave with a dog.

A lot of hysterical views from people about staffies whilst many of them also mentioning that they've never owned or known one. When I was 10. I was allowed to have my first dog WHICH WAS A STAFFIE PUPPY for passing my 11 plus. He was sweet-natured and very, very loving (Staffies are) and if he thought he had done anything wrong in any way (pooped on the carpet when a puppy as could not get out in time), he would lie down and roll over onto his back in a totally submissive pose until he felt he was forgiven. He never bit anyone (apart from normal puppy nipping by mistake). I have had other dogs in between but now have another staffie (cross) rescue and she is also very sweet-natured, needed hardly any training and is not aggressive in any way. My area has many staffies and I have not met one aggressive one yet (in 10 years).

The only aggressive dogs I’ve ever been around are various spaniel types - cocker being the worst. I had a springer spaniel for many years, gorgeous dog but so protective. You’d lose a finger trying to take a stick off of it etc. I’ve known a few cockers are each one was a fucker.
Still, spaniels are extremely popular dogs.
Have known many Staffies and whilst they aren’t amazing with other dogs if not socialised correctly, they are brilliant people / family dogs.
Despite all of this - ex has no say what happens in your house. We certainly didn’t give any thought to DSS mother when we adopted one recently. Sounds like an excuse for her to exercise control / power - which is same shit, different day in this house unfortunately.

I think people need to do their research here. Staffies will only fight if their owners teach them to fight. Their general nature is actually very sweet and they're total people pleasers. They are NOT pitbulls, which can be aggressive. If your step son is in their teens, and is ok around dogs, there's no reason why there should be a problem.

Actually staffies and other bull breeds were bred to be extremely people-safe precisely because they were fighting breeds. If you need to reach into a ring where your dog is going hell for leather will another dog or attacking a bull you want an animal that isn't going to bite you.

I've never met an aggressive staffy. I've certainly met aggressive labradors.

Anyway it's stuff-all to do with the mother if you get a puppy or not, particularly as your SS is a teen and not little.

Absolutely Spidey. They make great fighting dogs because they are such people pleasers :(

Im really fond of sbts. When out with the DC they are pretty much the only breed that consistently the owner has never said "best not" if the DC ask if they can stroke their dog. Lovely looking too!

Agreed Francis Crawford. Spidey 66 yes up to the point of pit bulls being dangerous it's not the breed when are we going to start demonizing the idiots that make these dog's behave badly? Not the dog. Remember not so long ago it was German Shepherds, before that Dobermans then Rotties.

She's being ridiculous. He's a teenager, not a little child.

Sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder.

We have a staffy that friends and family have said they trust more around their children than any other dog they know. Please ignore comments on the breed.