DSS and puppy.

[Itactuallyneverends]

DH and I after a period of grief have decided to get a puppy. Great. Told DSS he is beyond excited. Great. DSS told his mum, she wasn't happy. She thought she should have been consulted. Doesn't want DSS to ever be left alone with dog due to breed. Is insisting on contacting the breeder to find out more about nature etc. Demanding we get DSS allergy tested. I have dealt with the breeder they send me pictures, which I send to DSS. I got a message from her saying I wasn't to contact DSS, it's not my place. Only DSS's dad is to contact him. AIBU that this isn't really anything to do with her and that she should just leave us alone to get excited about our new family member ?!

Also, I don't know about the Staffies other people have met, but they don't strike me as a particularly energetic dog - their little stumpy legs suggest they aren't built for speed. Every single one I've met has the energy levels of a potato.

They are very energetic! You can't tell by the build. Look at whippets and greyhounds - clearly built for speed but happy with a couple of 15 minute sprints a day and complete couch potatoes for the other 23.5 hours.

A lady who used to live near me ran daily and did a few miles at the weekends. Her staffie ran with her, every step of the way. He was the leanest, fittest staffie I have ever met and had the most fantastic temperament: gentle, biddable and utterly charming.

I love staffies but wouldn't have one because they need a lot of exercise.

@Ladywillpower I too have had two beautiful Bernese Mountain Dogs. Such a lovely breed...my last one sadly crossed the 🌈 bridge last year. I agree...perfect family dogs as they are so sweet-natured...but very hairy 😂. You also need a large toilet...as you say, you never get a private wee ever again with a Berner in your family 😂

@Itactuallyneverends yes you're right sorry, she can object but ultimately she doesn't get a say what happens in your house.

I would not want my kid visiting a house with a young staffie (fil keeps them and whilst the old ones were fine with the kids, the new ones are hyper and crazy, I'm scared of them to be honest and I have a dog!)

Btw cockerpoos are stupid dogs in my experience, next doors dog is one and it has no common sense but it's sweet enough and is respectful and subservient to our dog.

She’s being ridiculous. He’s a TEENAGER. He’s more than old enough to learn how to behave safely around a puppy.

If he were 3, I would be more sympathetic to her concerns. Not because of the breed, to be clear - but because pretty much all puppies and adolescent dogs are difficult, whatever the breed. They bite, they jump, they scratch, because they’re teething, they’re excitable and they don’t know any better. We have a gorgeous 5 month Labrador puppy (yep, a Labrador - great reputation as a gentle family dog!) I love him to pieces and it’s getting better now but we’ve had to put up with 2 months of near constant puppy biting and mouthing every time we handled him. I wouldn’t have wanted a young child anywhere near him during this phase. We’re still working on jumping up, too.

But as he’s a teenager I think her concerns are unfounded - presumably you’re going to train your puppy and teach your DSS how to behave safely around him. So I think it’s nothing to do with her.

Actually we do get a say, we are the kids other parent. The children's needs and safety should be put first every time.

Wish you hadn’t mentioned the breed OP as this has now turned into a slanging match!

Breed aside (because it is actually completely irrelevant), I think DSS mum should trust his father to make safe decisions for his son. If she doesn’t, why is he coming to stay with you at all?

I think this is a bit of her own prejudice mixed with a desire to control the situation. I would agree to her demands regarding DSS to stop the situation escalating, ie. not allowing him to be alone with the puppy and not sending him photos BUT I would not give her breeders info as your dog has nothing to do with her.

The child is a teenager, the dog is a staffie and the mum is bonkers. Enough said.

Allergy testing is a daft idea. I’m allergic to dogs apparently but not mine. All dogs have different types of coat and dander.
Puppies bite. Dogs need proper training and supervision. Never mind the breed. She’s allowed to be concerned. (My pup drew blood and ripped clothes!) I would be prepared to say what measures you will take to keep the child safe and train the dog.
Enjoy your dog. I do love a staffie laugh! (They need too much exercise for me.)

janetforpresident
Not true that you will get piled on. What really pisses me off is parents, who let their little kids, little more than babies, approach my dog without watching or asking. He is a cockapoo and quite sweet but also a nervous dog. I don’t think he’d bite but he’s a dog. Then there are the two dog owners, who were nasty to me when I was teaching my dd not to just approach a dog because of course their dog was just fine. That’s not the point. Parents should ask dog owners first and ensure the child is as safe as possible.

My cousin got her face mauled as a toddler by a Rottweiler.

My other aunt had two Rotties who were super protective and sweet, guarded the babies and walked around with them, honestly the gentlest.

I don't judge by breed.

actually we do get a say, we are the kids other parent.

And how would you prevent them getting this dog? All you can do is say no.

You contacting your DSS directly, about the dog, was downright provocative after she had expressed misgivings.

Every parent has a right to be reassured their child is safe.

Let your DH do that and then get on with it.

Rightyes that is about pitbulls

Pitbulls in the right hands are lovely dogs too. They so have an unfair reputation.

I'd never have rescue Staffie as so many when we looked were crosses with no history. A pure one though, if I was prepared for training would be no problem. Friends who have them have all loved their gentle temperament.

To go against the grain.
I can to a certain extent understand her concern, I suppose. Is age much of a defence. Look at that poor girl Jade who was savaged and killed. She was around 14. I'm not suggesting that's what will happen, but like I say. I do get where she's coming from.
They don't stay cute squishy pups forever.
That said any dog can turn at anytime. Therefore if you thought like that. No one would own a dog

You contacting your DSS directly, about the dog, was downright provocative after she had expressed misgivings.

Rubbish OP is involved in the DSS upbringing His father is happy for his partner to contact his DSS who is a teenager and able to confirm or deny he's happy with texts etc. His mother needs to understand the DSS has his own opinions and doesn't need to defer to her. As OP said he's excited and looking forward to the puppy arriving and his mother sounds controlling and jealous.
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Every parent has a right to be reassured their child is safe.*

And I'm sure his father and partner will ensure that. They are getting a puppy not a pet lion.
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Let your DH do that and then get on with it.*

Sone people like to make joint decisions and interact and become blended families. Not have this "it's your child I'm not interested at all" attitude. Obviously the Dh Has ultimate responsibility but nothing wrong with OP being involved.

I think the mum is an overprotective, ridiculous drama queen. And you can do what you like in your house. Teenage DSS is in YOUR life and you have every right to contact him whenever you want, unless HE said not to. Just ignore her, let your DH deal with her and carry on as you were.

Just wanted to say that everything me I know with that breed are amazing dogs, the ex is clearly jealous and wants to rain on your excitement.
I’d try to ignore her as much as possible and get dad to remind her that son is under his care and he is putting safety measures in place.
What a horrible woman.

She's being a complete fanny over this.
YADNBU.
Ps Staffies are THE best - I'm jealous!

@Fireandflames666 you really don't get a say.

No court in the land would allow you to ban your child from their fathers house on account of him having a new puppy

I guess she's not confident about the dog being trained properly, perhaps your husband can reassure her that the dog will be trained properly and you'll be competent owners so her child is safe - any child outweighs a dog in my book so perhaps be a bit more of a grown up and stop whinging about her, and just get that reassurance in place
FWIW any dog can be a softie or a killing machine - it's the competence or sensibilities of the owners to try to ensure they aren't the latter, or less likely to end up that way

@Fireandflames666 no you really really don't. You'd have to prove in a court that the child was in danger. So you would not get a say on wether a household that you are not apart of decides to get a dog.

She’s not horrible for being frightened. Is there a history of her being controlling or difficult, OP? It sounds as though she’s scared.