DSS and puppy.

[Itactuallyneverends]

DH and I after a period of grief have decided to get a puppy. Great. Told DSS he is beyond excited. Great. DSS told his mum, she wasn't happy. She thought she should have been consulted. Doesn't want DSS to ever be left alone with dog due to breed. Is insisting on contacting the breeder to find out more about nature etc. Demanding we get DSS allergy tested. I have dealt with the breeder they send me pictures, which I send to DSS. I got a message from her saying I wasn't to contact DSS, it's not my place. Only DSS's dad is to contact him. AIBU that this isn't really anything to do with her and that she should just leave us alone to get excited about our new family member ?!

Every - yes EVERY - dog can turn nasty if not trained properly. my parents probably most dangerous dog was an irish setter mix (very, very anxious), a friend has a jack russell mix who in other hands would be dangerous.
train them properly and make sure you treat them appropriately to energy levels and personality, and you will be fine

I think the issue with staffies is that they require a fair amount of training and a lot of exercise. If they don’t get all of these things they can develop behavioural problems. This coupled with the reputation for being a “status” dog for those, looking for a trophy means that lots of dogs become unmanageable and end up needing to be rehomed.

So I’d say if you are prepared for a lot of hard work and aren’t going to leave your dog home alone for long stretches, go for it. They can be very sweet.

These days I have a cockapoo. I am too ill to have a dog needing intensive training. Never had a staffie. But had a lab, who was so lovely but not the brightest and high energy that he was a bit of a challenge to train because life was a massive game and he liked to tease and be naughty. Every walk for a long time (a couple of years) wasn't just a walk but also a training session, lots of training at home etc. I can imagine it would be much the same with a staffie.

Posted too soon. His mother doesn’t get to dictate what goes off in your household. You just need to know your dss is on board and will respect the training regime...

I don’t have any opinion on this, to be honest (would need a lot more information), but @Drinkofwater @Oliversmumsarmy, please don’t keep perpetuating the “nanny dog” myth. It’s never been the case. Thorough research on the topic, though admittedly from an anti-pitbull/Staffordshire site: thetruthaboutpitbulls.blogspot.com/2010/08/nanny-dog-myth-revealed.html?m=1
As the site says, even a pitbull advocacy group is trying to dispel the myth because it leads to injuries and death for children (59 children killed in a six-year period in the US).

I have a cockerpoo now. The most loving, softest, nicest, obedient and clever dog I have ever owned. Its a breed that doesnt need "specialist" owners unlike a staff. I am very anti staff myself

I have a friend who has a cocker poo it's quite honestly the worst behaved dog I've ever come across. It jumps up, scratches, runs over your lap, in your face, no matter if you're holding hot tea etc. People have stopped visiting her. It's a horrible uncontrollable nightmare.

DSS's mother is trying to control, you wouldn't dream about all this shit the other way round. To all the posters saying she's trying to make a safe environment etc, his father is well able to do that himself. Sone women think they are the only ones able to parent.

BUT OP YOU MUST COME BACK TO POST A PHOTO WHEN YOU'VE GOT THE PUPPY OR YABVVVVU.

I would never have let my DC be in a house with a SBT. YABVU. To have a dog known for its unpredictability with locking jaws and bulky muscles with a child visiting seems perverse. Could you not get a Spaniel or a Labrador?

She’s his mum, she had a right to be concerned. However, she can not dictate to you what you do in your own home.

I love dogs, staffies included, but because of their rap I would be nervous about dd being in a house with one, whatever her age.

Have you had staffies before? What training are you planning on doing with the puppy?

'To have a dog known for its unpredictability with locking jaws'

You'll now receive many posts claiming her 'locking jaws' myth

Standby

....

I think you should get the puppy that you decide on, engage in proper training, ensure it is properly exercised and set some rules for your stepson. Your OH should tell his ex it’s none of her business. I have a friend who had a staffy and did all of the above and it was an amazingly friendly people loving dog. They had 2 tiny girls and never had a problem. I had a golden cocker spaniel and did all of the above and the dog couldn’t be trusted around other dogs or people. Had it from a puppy so no previous background. You just cannot guarantee one breed is going to be better than any other.

I have a cockerpoo now. The most loving, softest, nicest, obedient and clever dog I have ever owned. Its a breed that doesnt need "specialist" owners unlike a staff. I am very anti staff myself

A cockerpoo isn't even a breed!

I would get such a good laugh if my stepsons mum gave her opinion on what we can and can't do in our home.

A cockerpoo isn't even a breed!

No, they're just a very expensive mongrel.

Also, I don't know about the Staffies other people have met, but they don't strike me as a particularly energetic dog - their little stumpy legs suggest they aren't built for speed. Every single one I've met has the energy levels of a potato.

A lot of these posts are just ridiculous. Of course you can get a dog if you want to. Since DSS is a teenager of course you can contact him if you want to. If DSS's mum approaches you in a polite, reasonable manner it would be nice to offer her reassurance that you've selected a suitable dog to be around young people. Staffies are often mistake for dangerous dogs but people who are actually knowledgable about dogs (rather than working from vague ideas they've picked up in the park) actually recommend this breed for children.

Completely agree with bouncydog get the breed you want & properly train the puppy.
We too had a beautiful spaniel (that many people wanted to pet) however he was unpredictable & did end up biting a family member.
We have since owned two bernese mountain dogs (probably not what you are looking for as large & hairy) they are a wonderful breed for temperament however don't expect to ever go to the loo on your own again!
Go for it OP his mum is being overprotective.

Rightyes that is about pitbulls. Not staffs.

And here's a pic (Well hopefully).

He is in his fathers care in your home. Unless his father is not a reasonable person he can decide what happens at home. You are the stepmother so obvs he is a child of your family, you will have some input. Don't wind her up, but don't let her get to you

I'd be worried about that breed if I was the DM. Yes smaller dogs can nip and bite, but as they are smaller and less strong are less likely to cause serious injury. I know people who own and talk highly about staffies, but I still think with a teen who's not a constant presence in the house it would be safer to get a breed known to be completely gentle, rather than a big strong one with a mixed reputation.

Provided you're prepared to train the dog, and your DSS isn't the type of kid to torment the puppy then there shouldn't be any issues.

it would be safer to get a breed known to be completely gentle

There isn't one.

@rookiemere out of all the dog breeds in the UK, it's the Labrador that is most likely to bite.

Labradors have a reputation for being docile, good with children, calm and obedient - which is true - when they're fully grown and well trained!

I meet very few young labs who are not absolutely mental. The jump, mouth, nip abs are incredibly strong (much stronger, bigger and heavier than a staffy) and yet they're always recommended as great family dogs.

Dogs are what you train them to be. Good training, consistency and lots of hard work make a good family dog. Breed rarely comes into it.

It's absolutely none of her business what happens at your house just ignore her! We got a dog recently and wouldn't dream of even discussing the matter with DSC's mother as it has nothing to do with her, the same as she doesn't discuss anything with DH that happens at her house. My DSC are younger than teens as well and I still don't consider it her business. My DH and I are responsible for ensuring safety of the children and the dog when they are in our care! As for allergy testing is she having a laugh

Frankly I'm not "breed racist" or whatever some idiot upthread said. I just don't like dogs. Children are killed and badly injured by dogs every year. Its not a risk I would take with my children.

As I said upthread though the mum doesn't get a say so her best bet is to advise her son how to act around the dog and warn him of the dangers.

Giving examples of your gentle dogs is not helpful. Its anecdotal. Of course most dogs don't harm people but some do.

And I know lots of people are dog people and that's their choice. As a non dog person I can understand her being uncomfortable. I doubt anybody who loves dogs is going to see it as anything other than spiteful but believe me there are plenty of us who would feel the same. Almost 2000 children a year in UK injured by dogs

www.google.com/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/nearly-2000-children-savaged-dogs-7635027.amp

I wouldn't want a dog near my children after witnessing the damage they can do. I'd be furious if my ex decided to get a dog putting his need for one before his children.

Those saying they wouldn't let their children around one. You know you wouldn't get a say right?