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Original poster

I have been reported to SS

402 replies

mooning123 · 08/06/2019 08:02

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 14:38

RuffleCrow

I thought she did speak to her.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 14:39

RuffleCrow

But anyway, it’s not necessarily a good idea to tell strangers you intend reporting them to SS, nor to stand there discussing the issue with them. It can cause more problems than it solves.

stucknoue · 08/06/2019 14:42

Ps I'm a safeguarding officer and I'm told I should report everything, even if it happened away from my site eg I hear two of our youngsters talking about what happened at a party elsewhere. As responsible adults we have a duty to protect children even if it means parents answering difficult questions. We've made 3 reports since I took over and none were as severe as this

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/06/2019 14:42

You see I think if a 10 year old NT boy is doing this routinely, then I do think they are sexually harassing girls

Would the term girls include middle aged women?

Because that is what is happening near us.

RuffleCrow · 08/06/2019 14:43

ASD is a spectrum and we don't know whereabouts the op's son falls on it. My ds also has ASD but i wouldn't pretend to know anything about another child's abilities just from living with and caring for him. If you've met one child with autism you've met one child with autism.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/06/2019 14:44

I hear two of our youngsters talking about what happened at a party elsewhere. As responsible adults we have a duty to protect children

You know children lie because they know what you will do.

When I was younger it was a game to see how gullible the adults were

jennymanara · 08/06/2019 14:47

Oliversarmy Yes I think that is sexual harassment.

RuffleCrow · 08/06/2019 14:51

I'm not suggesting she should have told her beforehand she was planning to refer, Hercule, but it wouldn't have cost her any time or effort to have a quick chat aling the lines of "Sorry to bother you, but is that your ds?" Which would have given the OP a quick opportunity to get her two cents in and if she's anything like me it would have been something like "oh gosh I'm so sorry. He has ASD and is really struggling with appropriate behaviour atm. I literally just popped inside to get my phone and this is what he does!" Whilst attempting to help him cover up. It might not have changed anything - the HV still might have reported but the crucial bit of safeguarding info about him being disabled could have also been provided to SS.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 14:53

RuffleCrow

On the second page of comments, the OP says the woman knows this already.

DesperadoDan · 08/06/2019 14:56

Finessa your post has me shaking with anger!
Ops son did not expose himself, he did not show his penis.
As for saying ops son shouldn’t even be outside alone shows your absolute ignorance to SN. You disgust me. Do you have any idea how much discrimination our children receive on a daily basis. This is the first time he has done this, it’s more than likely a one off. For all we know the other child was staring rudely at him, because you know, that’s what other kids do to SN kids, they stare. Maybe parents of NT children should teach their kids NOT to stare?
Maybe they should all be taken away at birth and put in asylums, would that suit you better.
I can honestly say if my DD (precious snowflake she was not) at 7 years old saw a boy mooning at her she would laugh, as would most 7 year old girls.
Now take a minute to think how the op feels reading some of these comments about her child, her baby who she probably is slightly overprotective of anyway.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/06/2019 14:58

Well in that case there is going to be at least 40 or 50 young boys going to be on the sex offenders register.

Oh wait a minute, this is the same police force who when my friend dialled 999 when armed men broke into her house and chased her upstairs and she had to barricade herself into a bedroom came out hours later and gave her a crime number for insurance purposes. They didn’t do any fingerprinting and even left one of the weapons on her dining room table.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 14:59

I can honestly say if my DD (precious snowflake she was not) at 7 years old saw a boy mooning at her she would laugh, as would most 7 year old girls.

I have a lot of sympathy for your post, but in turn this made me angry. Girls do not have to laugh when people flash them and our expectation should not be that they have to find it funny. No.

RuffleCrow · 08/06/2019 15:00

That's ironic decomposing given that the first thing the HV did after reporting was march up to the OP and tell her she'd reported her. Clearly her safeguarding training needs updating.

jennymanara · 08/06/2019 15:07

Oliversmummy I am well aware that we have too few police in our country these days to respond adequately to crime. Just because police do not respond, does not make something okay.
Police rarely respond to shoplifters. Shoplifting is still wrong.

DecomposingComposers · 08/06/2019 15:12

That's ironic decomposing given that the first thing the HV did after reporting was march up to the OP and tell her she'd reported her. Clearly her safeguarding training needs updating.

Quite. I agree with the HV reporting to SS. I don't agree with her telling OP tbh.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 08/06/2019 15:14

No one said they had to laugh hercule

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 15:18

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook

The implication was that this is funny enough for any “normal” girl to laugh. It isn’t.

DesperadoDan · 08/06/2019 15:28

herculepoirot2 I’ve raised a bio DD and 2 stepD to adulthood, I know girls and yes they would have all laughed at another child showing them his bum. Bums are quite an innocent thing to 7yr olds. Bums are funny, as are farts and poo. I find it’s adults who twist things and make them sexual when they are clearly not.
A 10yr old boy who bared his bum is very different to an adult man exposing his penis to get sexual kicks.
I didn’t say girls had to laugh, I said most of them would.

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 15:31

DesperadoDan

Because you have daughters you know what “most” girls would do? The girls I know would be confused and upset. Guess not everyone is the same?

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/06/2019 15:33

But little boys mooning at you as you drive past is funny. It is the way they seem to think they are trying to shock you.

From my experience even adults try to shock people by recounting explicit stories in a public place or once went to a hairdressers and was waiting for someone when this girl decided to French kiss one of the hairdresser's directly in front of me. Knew she was trying to shock me as she had one eye on me all the time.

A report to social services every time a kid mooned at me and I could really clog the system up

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 15:35

Oliversmumsarmy

I don’t find it funny. It’s odd, concerning, shows a lack of boundaries. The OP’s child has SN and doesn’t understand which parts of his body are private, but most children do and do not behave like this.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/06/2019 15:40

Again that word most.

Just because children in your area ATM don't do this doesn't mean in other areas it isn't a thing

I think it is a craze like saying Wazzapp in a long drawn out way or the ice bucket challenge
It might come to a town near you this summer.

Then SS are going to be really swamped

herculepoirot2 · 08/06/2019 15:42

Oliversmumsarmy

I don’t really know what to say other than we have different views on this. I would find a ten year old boy dropping his trousers at a seven year old girl a concern. Being concerned, I would report it. That’s all I have.

OneForkAtATime · 08/06/2019 15:44

...is possible that any concern might not be about him flashing in front of her DD, but that a child without age appropriate boundaries is potentially at risk from others if unsupervised.

I think this was the concern. You worded it better than me

Everyone's debating if the child's behavior is an issue to others, but the HV's complaint and potential reporting is that she wasn't protecting him sufficiently from others.

DesperadoDan · 08/06/2019 15:44

herculepoirot confused and upset, really?? By a pair of another child’s bum cheeks? These girls you talk of need to toughen up, it’s a hard old world out there, don’t think they will be ready for it if they would be upset by a bum.
I taught my girls to open their mouths and shame boys if sexual remarks were made to them as teens, I have 3 young women who were well prepared for the big ugly world, they were not wrapped in cotton wool and repeatedly told that they are vulnerable because they are female. We need to make our girls tough enough to not get upset at the sight of a bare bum.

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