4th child dilemma - AIBU?

[AwfulMum123]

Is it wrong/unadvisable to have a 4th child knowing the only way you can afford to go back to work is to leave the child with your retired parents (who have already looked after the first three 3-4 days per week from the end of Mat leave until school?) They also cover the majority of school holidays for you for the existing three. Child 1 would be close to 13 once child 4 is born so a broad range of ages.

That’s a LOT to expect of your parents. Fine if you can afford alternative but they’ve insisted but you have them held ransom by not actually being able to afford your kids without them. It’s really not right. So I would say YABU to keep having kids you actually can’t afford.

Why have a 4th if essentially you will not see much of them and someone else will be bringing them up?

I think OP is the SIL.

I have got 4, and would have loved to have more if I could afford them. In a happy family, the more the merrier! Mine really seem happy to have each other.

Posters on here might moan, but someone will have to pay their healthcare and pensions, where do they think the money and the staff will come from exactly?

I think you are very wrong if your plans depend on free childcare, at any point. Gracefully accepting help being offered to ease a bit the cost of childcare is one thing, and grand-parents love to spend time with their kids.
Using them 3 -4 days a week is a complete piss-take.

Also people get unwell, make other plans, it's not a good idea.

If you cannot afford your children, don't have them. Anything else is entitled stupidity.

Why have a 4th if essentially you will not see much of them and someone else will be bringing them up?

being a working parent doesn't mean someone else bring your kids up, let's not be stupid here.

😪

Yabu

Of course it is. It's too bad the parents don't tell them they won't be looking after another one.

Reverse!

The odd day of babysitting from willing gps is fine. 3-4 days a week is a huge amount to ask and an unfair commitment. It's like asking them to sacrifice half their retirement.

So I think it would be unreasonable.

Unreasonable to ask so much of them and unreasonable to have so many children environmentally.

Your retired parents have done their stint of child rearing. And then some.

Three kids is enough.

I'm not reading the OP as by the parent!

Surely this is by the grandparent or a sibling? Though I suppose the title makes it more parent-y.

Just stop having kids. Think about all the things you can do for the ones you have and yourselves with the money. That's always been a good enough reason for me!

NO one should choose to have a child they cannot afford.

It would be a massive piss-take.

FWIW, my immediate thought is that OP is the (grand)parent.

What do the grandparents think?

Personally I wouldn't have a fourth unless I could afford childcare. Another 10-12 years is a long time to expect them to be fit enough to do childcare, particularly for multiple children.

The grandparents in this case should just say NO.

It’s a whole sentence here on MN

They have looked after three grandchildren, plus their own. Job done and some!

Go on a six month cruise and when you arrive home, book another one.

I don’t think anyone should expect this level of childcare input, buy in some childcare if you are planning a 4th!

I thought the OP was a sibling or a SIL

but the point remains! if the grand-parents are too nice to say no, unfortunately CF will keep going.

Posters on here might moan, but someone will have to pay their healthcare and pensions, where do they think the money and the staff will come from exactly?

Oh that old chestnut. You do realise that not all children will grow up to be useful, productive members of society? There will be a fair sprinkling of the feckless, the criminal and those who contribute precisely zero too.

The GPs are mugs and must be exhausted. FFS you can't even look after the three you've got. So selfish.

You would be very selfish to have a 4th child.

Your parents have brought up their own children, brought up your 3 children for the last 12 years and now you want them to bring up your 4th child.

When do you expect your parents to enjoy their lives and retirement?

When will you stop having children? What if, after the 4th, you want another? Would you expect your parents to bring that child up?

You do realise that not all children will grow up to be useful, productive members of society?

I do, but the kids of existing productive members of society tend to be just as productive. I am not worried about mine

my friend used to have childcare from her mum & MIL. when she had her third they both refused to carry on & so the 3rd had to go to nursery.

Posters on here might moan, but someone will have to pay their healthcare and pensions, where do they think the money and the staff will come from exactly?

Let's keep having 3+ children we can't bring up ourselves but have to rely on Grandparents just so those children can pay tax to help us later in life. Odd reason.

I call reverse and OP is the SIL