4th child dilemma - AIBU?

[AwfulMum123]

Is it wrong/unadvisable to have a 4th child knowing the only way you can afford to go back to work is to leave the child with your retired parents (who have already looked after the first three 3-4 days per week from the end of Mat leave until school?) They also cover the majority of school holidays for you for the existing three. Child 1 would be close to 13 once child 4 is born so a broad range of ages.

If you talk to them and see how they'd feel about it.

Even if they wouldn't be able to, would childcare be an option?

Poor parents! Let them have their lives now they are retired. Pay for childcare, and if you can’t maybe you can’t afford a 4th child. You are asking your parents to do at least another 13 years of childminding- how old will they be then? What is their health like? Remember it can change in a short period of time!

I think 3 is enough xx

Would you even consider this if you had to look after the child yourself, or pay for childcare?

It sounds like you can't comfortably afford a 4th child so YABU. Why do you need a 4th?

I really wouldn't have expected my parents to look after my children on a regular basis. They looked after me. And my sister. Their work is done. My children should be my responsibility in the main. I'm not talking about occasional babysitting here, rather the day-to-day child care.

However, I do get that my views are just one set amongst a great raft of varying opinion

It's totally unreasonable to dump this child on your retired parents.
Why does anyone need 4 kids anyway, what if we all just had as many children as we wanted without thinking of the wider consequences.
Your parents have done their bit and deserve a relaxed retirement.
What if one of them becomes ill, who will look after your child then?
You should only have lots of children if you can afford all the childcare and can provide for them.
I'd love to have had lots of children, I had one because that was all I could afford without having to claim benefits.

Why have a 4th? What will that bring to you and your family?

Those who have large families in developing countries use LESS resources/energy than a single person in developed countries.

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted

why should OP have her family choices restricted when plenty of people in less developed countries and those of different cultures have multiple children

Oh yes, why should anyone do anything if other people aren't also doing the same thing

Women in this country are well educated and have vast contraceptive choice. Women in developing countries are often denied those two rights, hence large families. Why would we, knowingly, make the problem worse?

There is just absolutely no need for a fourth child. It's self indulgent.

No - you're basically asking your parents to commit to another 13 years of covering school holidays ( never mind the years before school starts) - unless you are going to ask an older sibling.

Seriously think this through. My sil uses her parents for child care and now mil is sick. It’s left everyone in a tricky situation with working out how to juggle everyone’s needs. I think you should only consider this if you can cover childcare yourself some way

You are being massively unreasonable. Give your parents a break and let them enjoy their retirement!

Things can change very fast, we lost a parent unexpectedly. If your parents are happy to commit to childcare that is one thing, but if you can’t afford it if things change, then you can’t afford another child.

why should OP have her family choices restricted when plenty of people in less developed countries and those of different cultures have multiple children

Jesus!

@Parrot who has been vile??

Sigh. Let your parents enjoy the rest of their lives while they still have their health.
Or pay for childcare like lots of other people do.

Another post and run?

This is so obviously unreasonable I'm not even convinced it's true.

OP are you around?

Not fair unless you can afford to pay someone to look after your child.
Be grateful for the children you already have.

As a mother of four children I don’t think you should have another child if you are relying on your parents for child care. I’m actually jealous of any grandparent help, I’ve never even had a few hours to have s meal with my DH. We knew that though before having any DC that we would have no help at all. We afforded them all on one income for a while, cutting back on luxuries where necessary. Yes I feel very fortunate to have been able to have have four DC.

I’m raising four future tax payers who are very aware of the future of the planet as well. They tell me that WALL-E is going to become a reality if we don’t change our ways

If you really want a fourth child go for it but find a way of funding your own childcare

Are you already pregnant OP?

Is this a reverse? Are you the parents?

Are you the grandparent? If so, you have done enough and you are quite right to be upset about your life being disrupted again. Tell her no! There are always other options whatever you might be told.

Your parents have already been doing this for 13 YEARS. Give them a break!