AIBU to think this is absolute rubbish - bullying at work

[artichokehearts]

I am sorry but I am really gobsmacked at this article in the Daily Fail today. I have only ever been bullied at work once - and that was by a man. I can't be that untypical surely? The women I've worked with have all been perfectly normal and generally nice.
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7108281/Woman-reveals-shocking-toxic-femininity-shes-experienced-work.html

Sounds like this will be an unpopular opinion, but I don't understand how adults can be bullied?

You sound like all those men who say that as THEY have never witnessed sexual harassment in the work place it can't possible happen as much as all these hysterical women think it does.

Yes, think women tend to be more sly about it. Men a bit louder. Both bad though. I had a part time job in docs surgery, couldn’t believe how nasty the staff were. Lasted about 6 weeks and was glad to see the back of the place.

I think gets right to the heart of misogyny: when a woman is in charge, her behaviour is either judged differently (and more negatively) than that of a man, or the way she behaves is considered typical of women in a way that rarely applies to men.

I was bullied out of a (ridiculously menial) job by a woman. She was utter poison. Used to sit with her cronies in the locker room and fondly reminisce about how they’d been the school bullies back in the day.
She took against me properly when I called her out for bullying a child.

I've been bullied twice. First was a guy who was a pretty nasty piece of work when mistakes were made or I did "silly" things (I was very young), but after a while and I got used to what needed doing, how to do it, etc., he was fine. At least you knew where you stood with him and after a bit of a rant, he was fine (until next time) and never brought things up again once they were sorted.

Second was an absolute bitch. It was persistent and constantly reminding me of previous instances, many of which weren't my fault, they were hers, but she just constantly chipped away with snide comments, manipulation, etc.

I could work with the first guy, but I couldn't wait to escape the bitch!

Plenty of women and girls are bullies, both at work and at school.

Never been bullied by a man in any job i have had. Only.times I have been bullied it has been.women. once by a manager who was useless but took it out on everyone else. Current job has 3 who think they can.say what they like to.p.a demean you or outright rip you to bits and its ok cos they have been.there longest. Nasty, self centred, lying, back stabbing women. Everyone knows what they are doing yet nobody does anything about it. No excuses for the way they talk to people. I hate the place but stuck there for now.

Nearly what else are you going to call someone who bullies others in any situation? Get a dictionary!

All the bullying I'm aware of in my current workplace is bullying of women by other women.

I've had a couple of terrible female bosses in my time. However, when I looked at it, the only conclusion I could draw was that they were were bad bosses, it wasn't anything to do with their gender.

It my 20s and 30s I found some woman really bitchy and rude to me and some men very inappropriate. Now in my 40s I don’t seem to have any issues with female colleagues, some men are the same but feel very much on an even keel with everyone.

Definition of Bully : a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.

^^ I put that there for a reason - I've been bullied out of a job and I'm no push over, I know employment law, I'm strong and outspoken, but when the balance of power isn't with you, it's insidious. I know the difference between bullying to undermine and eg a clash of personalities, or banter out of hand.

I've also worked with people who claim to be bullied, and this claim persists from job to job. And having worked with them, any form of being brought to account for poor work, laziness, sick leave, time keeping is automatically deemed 'bullying'. It isn't.

I do think there is often an over use of some words - 'bullying' is one of those words. Eg Child A systematically excludes Child B and manipulates others into excluding Child B - this is bullying . However Child A wishing to play elsewhere today or make a wider circle of friends is not bullying child B. There are fine lines and these also extend into the work place and social places too.

Sounds like this will be an unpopular opinion, but I don't understand how adults can be bullied?

In the same way a child is bullied.

You can be bullied by exclusion, by intimidating and overbearing behaviour and a number of other ways.

It's why any half decent organisation will have bullying and victimising as disciplinary offences.

Or they would be in breach of the standards of behaviour expected.

In my job I deal with these allegations, although they are sometimes made by employees when their manager is simply managing them.

I've been bullied by women at work too, it's normally so sly that it's difficult to pin down or prove.

On the one occasion a man looked like he was going in that direction but it was quite easy to challenge him outright about what exactly he meant by his demeaning comments and he never did it again. When I tried the same with one of the women they laughed it off and said it was a joke and I shouldn't be so fragile, and scuttled off to giggle with the other bully. It wasn't a joke, and it only got worse.

Generally I prefer working with men, they seem more straightforward. I have amazing women as friends but there's something about the work environment that brings out the worst in some people.

I've been bullied by both men and woman - pretty even split.

Definitely true. I am dealing with an instance of it right now infact

Thinking about it, while I've known bad male managers and men who have behaved in ways which cross lines, the only people I can think of who exhibited sustained bullying behaviour were women.

I can't be that untypical surely?

Any one person's experience is untypical. There will be a huge spread of experience because everyone is different and most people are basically decent so bullies of both sexes are outliers

You can only be bullied if you allow yourself to be. All bullies are cowards. Ifyou stand up to them and face them down the first time they try it, they won’t do it again.

A couple of people have tried it with me over the years. I am a very nice person 99.9% of the time, but I don’t take any crap from anyone, no matter who they are, and the other 0.1% of the time I am definitely not someone you want to fuck around with.

All my negative experiences, in and out of work, are with other women. Women are bitches. I love my male dominated job. Whenever I see all the 'Women in STEM' stuff I want to cry. I find the women who end up in STEM of their own volition are fine...I work with a couple of women and they're the type of women who like working around men and aren't bitchy. I don't want to see a 50/50 workplace. That'd be hell on earth!

You can only be bullied if you allow yourself to be.

This really is not true. In a work environment some people have power over you and it's not always possible to resolve situations.

I have been bullied at work and am certainly not someone who is unwilling to challenge wrong behaviour.

The one workplace bully I encountered happened to be a woman. I think the type of bullying she was guilty of was more likely to be done by a woman. That said DH had an awful bully who was a man. Luckily we're both away from those situations now. It's utterly demoralising.

Definitely true that women are bullies. I'm currently in the orbit of a particularly nasty one who utilises traditional high school mentality - creates a 'clique' of sycophants who think she's the nicest person ever, then systematically isolates, ostracises, and picks off individuals - if 'the group' thinks that you're amazing, then the single person complaining about how they're being treated must be in the wrong.

Unfortunately the only person to have ever called her out was a male - let's not open that can of worms.. apparently men can never be bullied by women. Cue closing of ranks, a laughably inadequate HR investigation, and complete denial of her actions in the face of witnessed and documented evidence.

You may ask why I haven't tried to raise my concerns - well, having watched how my male colleague was treated and the damage that was done to him not just professionally, but personally... I'm genuinely afraid for what would happen to me and my children if I did.

All within an organisation which is a "national institution" and "most reputable" in its field. Thanks, but like most sane people when faced with a bully, I'll be leaving to get away from her.

I wouldn't say I've been bullied but I have definitely experienced toxic, territorial women in the workplace. About ten years ago I was part of a team that merged with another team and you could tell the women were fuming about new women being introduced to their workplace. Lots of passive aggressive digs about 'the old team', leaving the new staff out of social gatherings, bitching and nastiness. It was so pathetic. Ten years on I now have some great friends in the 'old' team but there's still one or two who to this day are funny about it.

Pathetic.

It’s just not true that adults cannot be bullied or that you can only be bullied if you allow yourself to be. I’ve stood up to bullies more than once and each time the bullying got worse

It's a children's term, seriously, and you won't find it popularly applied to adults if you go back before the 90s. Its current proliferation says more about how people think of themselves today than it does about behaviour.