Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teen doesn't deserve to go to camp but if they don't go I won't get a break from them!

96 replies

Campgate · 07/06/2019 08:28

I'm a single Mum to a previously lovely but at the moment not so lovely 16 year old who has some SEN. I've said about the Sen so as not to drip feed. It's not relevant to her behaviour at the moment imo.

Teen DD is due on camp tomorrow and is very much looking forward to it. However their behaviour this week has been quite frankly rubbish.

Completely ignoring me , saying she doesn't have to listen to me, I can't tell her what to do, saying okay in a sarcastic voice when I speak to her, waiting until I've gone to bed and then getting up messing about half of the night.
She won't lift a finger in the house, she's leaving food everywhere, she won't help me despite the fact I have some medical issues going on. She's just been horrible tbh.

We have some discipline in place but honestly she really doesn't deserve to go.
The downside however is that is she doesn't go then I literally have no break from her. I am on my own with her apart from school and work and 24/7 in the holidays and I get no break.
I have a lovely time planned for myself with the cinema booked tomorrow night to see Take That at the cinema and some time to myself and if she doesn't go I lose out too as she is not capable of being left home alone normally never mind when she is in a mood.

Wibu to let her go for my own benefit even though she doesn't deserve to?

OP posts:
Lumene · 07/06/2019 08:30

I would let her go but something else as the consequences of her behaviour.

Allyg1185 · 07/06/2019 08:32

I'm sure there will be alot of people along to say you have decided on punnishment stick to it and I would usually agree but you sound very stressed out and in need of a break. Unless you have family that could help?? If not I would let her go on the trip

herculepoirot2 · 07/06/2019 08:32

Let her go. Another consequence would be better.

janetforpresident · 07/06/2019 08:33

Yes same as lumene I wouldn't prevent her from going. It won't help the situation and will punish both of you. Find some other consequences for when she gets back.

BlueSkiesLies · 07/06/2019 08:35

Let her go. God knows you need the break and the rest!

Maybe you both just need a reset and you can start with the slate wiped clean on her return.

Whoops75 · 07/06/2019 08:35

Send her and enjoy the break.

Oblomov19 · 07/06/2019 08:36

Agree. Send her. Because that helps you.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 07/06/2019 08:36

What blueskies said.

Ragwort · 07/06/2019 08:37

Absolutely let her go, maybe a week with other teenagers and different adults ‘in charge’ will do her good.

Enjoy your own break.

Wintersnowdrop · 07/06/2019 08:38

I’d send her to camp. Sounds like you need a break.

IM0GEN · 07/06/2019 08:38

Send her.

Think of it as your reward for not murdering her.

Bluerussian · 07/06/2019 08:38

Let her go. At the very least you will have a break.

LoafofSellotape · 07/06/2019 08:39

Let her go,see it as a necessity rather than a treat.

KnittingSister · 07/06/2019 08:41

Send her. If you keep her home you'll just resent her stopping you having a good time. So it will just escalate Sad
Enjoy your time off!

juneau · 07/06/2019 08:42

I'd let her go. Right now you need to think of you and that means having a break from your self-centred teen.

Rachie1973 · 07/06/2019 08:42

Let her go. Take this time for yourself and decide how you want her behaviour to change when she’s back. Plan a conversation about it and have a clear cut set of consequences to adhere to if she doesn’t respect the rules.

lorribella · 07/06/2019 08:45

Let her go some time away will do you both good and might make her appreciate you more. I'm assuming she will have to do what the other adults tell her aswell as taking turns with chores on the camp which will be a positive aspect for her behaviour.

Piffpaffpoff · 07/06/2019 08:47

Oh absolutely send her. Sounds like a break from each other will do you both good. My two were at camp a couple of weekends ago and the peace and quiet was bliss.

Mrsjayy · 07/06/2019 08:47

She sounds gobby and exhausting send her the break will do you both good. Btw that " you can't tell me what to do" is normal 16 year old behaviour she is asserting independence.

HelloYouTwo · 07/06/2019 08:49

Oh good grief don’t think twice about letting her go, for your own sake and sanity.

The break from each other will do you good. As you say the behaviour has been bad this week is there a chance that she’s nervous about going on camp, even if it’s something she loves? My dc get antsy and irritable when nervous.

If she’s still awful when she gets back, deal with it then. But I’d also mentally wipe the slate clean and don’t hold this week’s behaviour over her on her return.

thegreatcrestednewt · 07/06/2019 08:50

Let her go then give her a different punishment when she gets back. Enjoy the break.

SignedUpJust4This · 07/06/2019 08:50

Send her without a sleeping bag!

CapybarasLoveCake · 07/06/2019 08:51

I’ve had a bad week with my teen dd so I sympathise. She’s been invited away this weekend and after the way she spoke to me this morning I very nearly said she couldn't go. But that would have escalated things. Plus a break from each other has its benefits!

She sent me an apology text after she got to school, saying that she has a lot on her mind. There is always an underlying reason for stroppy behaviour I find and it’s not pleasant when they take it out on us but I remember finding the teen years tricky myself.

Spudlet · 07/06/2019 08:52

God no, send her. Do it for you, because you sound like a woman sorely in need of a break.

You can have another consequence when she gets back - change the password on the WiFi, and she can earn it back through being helpful at home or something like that. But have your break, we all need one from time to time!

Uptheshard · 07/06/2019 08:53

Send her and enjoy your ME time. Buy the book ' How to talk to teens' and prepare some rules for when she gets back.

My son isn't a teen yet but upon reading it , it has helped massively with his awful attitude...