He cancelled and know I feel like an idiot

[Milliemoohead]

I was speaking to someone OLD for a while, and arranged to meet up a distance from my house. He was travelling over and so we where going to an Airbnb

I kinda fussed around and kept saying I would book it on the day etc.

He went distance last night and has just text me saying he's "not really feeling it anymore" and "maybe another time"

I honestly feel like such an idiot. I got my hair done today and was really excited. I just replied "ah okay"

I don't have a aibu just feel like an idiot

Don’t feel like an idiot - there could be any number of reasons why he got cold feet and probably none of them have anything to do with you!

You deserve more that "not really feeling it".

Block. Move on. Forget about him.

He probably thought you weren't feeling it because you said you would book the Airbnb on the day. Why did you fuss around? Was he pressuring you into meeting for sex?

Air bnb for a first date? No no no. And if you live so far apart it needs an overnight stay it was going to be hard work anyway.

Entirely your business, of course, but was it wise I book airb&b with a person you have never actually met irl?
Is that why you were prevaricating?
We can all be charming over the Internet. Meeting someone you dont know, somewhere you cant easily leave and are not easily visible, is pretty dangerous imo.
Perhaps your subconscious was trying to tell you something

Any friends you could go out with? Especially with a new hairdo, would be a shame not to show it off

Don’t feel like an idiot, he’s the rude one for cancelling with short notice.

Also I’m not sure about meeting at an Air bnb for a first date, maybe this wouldn’t have been a good idea.

You need to be careful OP. Maybe aim for OLD closer to home.
Can you go out anyway.

If you were acting reluctant to book etc I presume he thought you weren't interested?

The subconscious comment is interesting @hazell42 I have had a few wobbles about it in the last week or so.

The plan was to leave our stuff there and go out in the day and then obviously I could leave if I wanted to.

Maybe I know deep down that it's not a me situation! I just wanted a bit of fun, and rejection is always tough!

You were meeting and going to a B&B on your first date?

OP, look after yourself.

Well that was a daft plan when you had never even met him.

When you mean an Airbnb, do you mean separate rooms in a house with others within or private accommodation with just the two of you present?

When you get emotionally attached to someone (and that can happen with chatting OLD) your body produces all kind of bonding and love hormones. It happens very quickly for some people and slower for others. When you are rejected or cut off, there is an actual physical reaction due to those chemicals floating around. it's normal. It will pass. Feels shit at the time but knowing it is normal to feel low can help!

Good god woman. NOBODY should be booking houses to stay in on a first date. Can't you just in future go for a coffee or drink or a meal?

you had a lucky escape op.
be more careful

WTAF? You were going to hook up with a total stranger you only 'knew' online in a AirB&B on the first date? Your boundaries are WAY off. Never mind his cancelling, your regard for your own personal safety needs a lot of work before you date again.

Don't feel like an idiot.
Your subconscious was telling you something - that's why you didn't want to book the AirBnB in advance. He's maybe picked up on you not being 100% convinced that it was a good idea.
He might have just been a timewaster or was looking for sex and maybe thought it wasn't a "sure thing" so couldn't be bothered to drive over what must be quite a distance.

In future, don't agree to a first date in an AirBnB with some bloke you've never met before. It's not safe.

If your going to dabble with OLD then I’m afraid you need to toughen up a bit. I have been stood up many times and ghosted, yes it hurts but it happens a lot.

Not sure I would arrange a stay over for a first date, I tend to meet for a coffee or a walk in a very public place.

Don’t feel like an idiot. If he wanted to actually pursue a relationship your dithering wouldn’t have put him off. You probably had a lucky escape. As others have said you should not have agreed to the air bnb.

Whose idea was this?

OP, what were you thinking agreeing to spend your first date with a stranger in an Air B&B? Such a bad, reckless idea. Please don’t do anything like that again. And don’t feel offended over a guy who cancelled on your who you have never met! Maybe feel a bit put out if you had actually met him in real life and then he cancels

Don't feel like an idiot, dating is full of this stuff. But also, try and push first dates to be casual going forward- less risk, but also it's not going to feel so major if they bail on just a coffee or a drink.

This sets of alarm bells for me though- if he was travelling, it would have made sense for him to book the AirBnB for him... which makes me think that he didn't want the cost showing up because he's already got a partner or something.

Maybe OP is actually capable of deciding that she wants a hook up and making appropriate arrangements. Air B&B sounds reasonable the way she describes it: meet in the day time and see how you get on, with the option of going home if you decide against spending the night together - or having sex. The other sensible move is to have a check-in buddy: someone you can call or text to say that you're safe enough.

I never see the point of attempting to meet someone who doesn't live within reasonable travelling distance.

Even if OP was just after a hook up it’s still pretty risky. In the past when I have been looking for a no strings hook up I still meet them for a coffee for the first meeting rather than jumping straight into bed with them, they could be anyone.