He cancelled and know I feel like an idiot

[Milliemoohead]

I was speaking to someone OLD for a while, and arranged to meet up a distance from my house. He was travelling over and so we where going to an Airbnb

I kinda fussed around and kept saying I would book it on the day etc.

He went distance last night and has just text me saying he's "not really feeling it anymore" and "maybe another time"

I honestly feel like such an idiot. I got my hair done today and was really excited. I just replied "ah okay"

I don't have a aibu just feel like an idiot

It's just the way he said "I'm not really feeling it anymore".

There's so many other things you could say if you felt that way. Its really disrespectful. It's basically "eh I thought about it and you're not worth the drive"

My boundaries are 100 percent off.

Wow. Op. You need to give you head a wobble. An air b&b for a first date? Was it a date from Fabswingers or something?? 😳

You are over thinking it. He doesn’t owe you a explanation, he may have met someone else who lives closer, he may have just decided that it’s too far to drive for a shag? It’s nothing you did wrong.

Get used to it, most guys just like to chat as their wives object to them meeting up with other women.

Why is it disrespectful? Just not feeling it anymore is a valid reason isn’t it?

He's not really feeling it anymore. That's a perfectly fine explanation for not wanting to meet and you shouldn't take it so personally. It would be rude if you'd already met but you haven't!

I never see the point of attempting to meet someone who doesn't live within reasonable travelling distance

Maybe they both have a kinky fetish that would be worth traveling for 😂

"I'm not really feeling it any more" = he is thinking that since you dilly-dallied about booking the b&b that you are highly likely to back out of the shag deal at the last minute. Seems like unless sex was a dead cert he wasn't bothered.

OMG by the way - arrange to meet new dates in a public place next time!!!

Hope you are ok OP. The problem is his though, not yours. I agree its very disrespectful and hurtful! Sod him.

Agree he just wanted a shag though.. better off without

Jeeez. Thank god he cancelled. I'm sorry you feel like an idiot but OLD 101 is to meet in a public place. An air bnb?!

Like I said my boundaries are well off, I made it clear I would like to have sex... Its stupid I know.

He knew I wanted to sleep with him. I'm cringing at the explicit texts he has

I don't think it's because he's not feeling it anymore, he's probably feeling someone else - sorry OP but you're best off without him - also, please don't arrange to meet total strangers (which he is, chatting or not) in a hotel room - so dangerous

Maybe that’s why he wasn’t feeling it. Sometimes it’s a lot of pressure when it’s been set up too much.

Too much pressure

Nothing wrong with meeting for sex, but please be more careful next time.

A hotel room is a lot safer - you can even order room service at a specific time to ensure someone checks on you.

He’s entitled to change his mind about sex though. Especially since you’ve never met, you hasn’t booked it yet etc. Just a case of cold feet. I can understand you are disappointed but it doesn’t make him a bad guy.

I once had this-said we’d meet in town and I stood like a lemon for 4 HOURS waiting for him
(My phone had died)
Finally got home and he hadn’t even bothered to come up with an excuse
So I binned him off and finally met my dp about 8 months later
Don’t give up-get some glad rad on and make a night of it to show off your ‘do and have fun
He’s the one that’s lost out

Do you think your faffing about put him off at all? Perhaps he took that as a signal that you weren't keen on him so he just felt he should not bother with tonight?

You stood for 4 hours?! Why on Earth did you wait that long?

I don’t think it’s surprising that he cancelled if you ‘kinda fussed around’ about booking a room. I think it’s ok that you fussed about but I also think it’s ok for him to say he isn’t feeling it anymore. I wouldn’t want to drive to meet someone I thought was unsure about whether they wanted to meet or not.

I also think using the phrase ‘not feeling it anymore’ is ok. It’s not mean and it’s not being critical of you. I don’t think it’s disrepectful either. It’s putting the focus on himself whilst being clear. He has bookended the situation.

(It’s a low bar but I have a little respect for him for not lying to you and making up a lame excuse.)

For one thing;

A first date should be a coffee and nothing else.

Second of all;

If you were going to a B&B then he should book it and pay!!

Block, delete and move on. There is every chance he's a cat fish anyway.

Why should he book it and pay?

oh OP we have all been there. I honestly think that you can learn from this - don't put so much emotional /thought etc into someone you haven't yet had a coffee/ glass of wine with. Slow down a bit - absolutely nothing wrong with wanting sex on a first date - BUT - I do think it's impossible to know if you will want to until you have met.

Ahhh op, please don’t give this man anymore headspace, I know how shit it feels when you have been rejected and in such a shitty way too. You went to a lot of effort and spent money to be told that he’s not really feeling it, pp said that he doesn’t owe you anything and that’s true but some basic human decency wouldn’t have gone amiss.
I’m not going to comment on the fact that you booked a b&b with intentions to have sex, that’s up to you, your an adult woman, it’s no different to a one night stand, the fact that you’ve been chatting is more than some do before jumping into bed.
Work on your boundaries and realise that you are worth far more than a hook up. Hook ups work for some people but not many. They wouldn’t work for me, I’d feel used.
I sincerely hope your not too upset.
Block him so he can’t try his luck in a months time.