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AIBU?

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Original poster

Haircut Drama

98 replies

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 06/06/2019 16:44

I have a terrible relationship with my mother in law and for the past few months now I no longer have any contact with her, she picks up my DS from my partner on a weekend and drops him back off a few hours later, she also has him from 5pm till 7pm every Tuesday when he goes to her house for tea, again we have no contact.

My DS will be one at the end of this month and has the most perfect blonde wild hair which I absolutely adore although I do admit it is starting to get a bit long and uncontrollable but I have never discussed this with my mother in law and neither has my partner. Partners cousin is a hairdresser and while my DS was out on Saturday with my mother in law I got a text from partners cousin saying she couldn't wait to see me and DS later, I text back saying I wouldn't be coming but I was happy mother in law was taking him for a visit and asked her to send me a photo of DS playing with her children as they haven't seen each other for a while. Cousin then replies "I'll do it before his haircut so he's still on a good mood"
My mother in law had arranged with cousin to cut my DS hair and me and my partner had no idea. I made it clear to the cousin under no circumstances was she to touch my sons hair. I'm annoyed that not only was it arranged behind my back but he hasn't had a haircut yet and he's my first child, I want to be the one who takes him for his first haircut and make a fuss of him.
My mother in law has now kicked off saying that I have made a fool out of her in front of her family and I shouldn't undermine her when it comes to her grandson

Am I right to think she's a bloody lunatic?

OP posts:
SecretLimonadeDrinker · 06/06/2019 16:47

Yup, she is batshit. She had no right to organise that without speaking to you first, especially since it's his first.

tenredthings · 06/06/2019 16:48

NYANBU !
My GMIL did this to my DD and she wasn't a hairdresser ! I was so furious and will never forgive her even though she's dead now ! The first haircut is a big deal and it's definitely the mum's call !

notlikelybyhalf · 06/06/2019 16:49

She’s off her head.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that if she ever tries something like that again it’ll be the last time she sees her grandson.

DirtyNell · 06/06/2019 16:49

I wouldn’t give her all that solo access- what’s the purpose of it?

Hanab · 06/06/2019 16:50

Agree with secret 👆

And by the way .. undermine her when it comes to her grandson .. big clue her grandson not her son .. 🙈 I have so many words but none good at all

Treaclesweet · 06/06/2019 16:51

She has proven herself untrustworthy and would not be getting any more access to my child. Noone would think that was acceptable! She will continue to undermine you.

BumandChips · 06/06/2019 16:51

Undermine her? I would remind her you’re his parent!!

RuggerHug · 06/06/2019 16:52

I think they already know she's batshit. Would the cousin normally be in touch with you or was she finding a way to mention the cut if MIL was insisting you knew? She looks an idiot in front of her family because she is one.

foreverhanging · 06/06/2019 16:53

Yeah I don't understand why she's having this arranged access when she's clearly not nice to you!

mbosnz · 06/06/2019 16:54

Thank goodness the cousin got in touch with you. Your MIL has made a total fool of herself, and shown just how much you can rely on her common sense and understanding of boundaries.

Knittedfairies · 06/06/2019 16:54

I thought the cousin was checking whether you knew about the haircut too.

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 06/06/2019 16:54

@RuggerHug this is actually the first time the cousin has ever text me, I was a bit shocked when she did saying she couldn't wait to see us. Usually when taking DS up to them for a visit I would contact the cousins mother

OP posts:
MustBeAWeasly · 06/06/2019 16:56

You 'shouldn't undermine her when it comes to her grandson' right OK 😂 what's with these grandparents thinking they're parents
She's batshit. And I'd go mental.

RuggerHug · 06/06/2019 16:57

Aha. I'd say she's wise to MIL then and had no intention of doing the cut without hearing from you. (Thankfully!!)

Miniloso · 06/06/2019 17:00

Ignore her, she’s 100% in the wrong.

Have a conversation with her/email whatever and lay down the law in no uncertain terms. He’s your child, therefore your rules. If she doesn’t like it tough luck.

CookieDeal · 06/06/2019 17:00

Wow, I guess the cousin was savvy enough to figure out this might not be a good idea and subtly tip you off! nicely done.

As for MIL - yea totally wrong, and YANBU

fairislecable · 06/06/2019 17:01

How lovely the cousin was to give you the heads up on ‘the plan’.

She obviously knew it was wrong and was very tactful in the way she dealt with it.

Your MIL is stupid and shown herself in her true light to her family.

caperplips · 06/06/2019 17:03

My aunt did this to her grandson, she cut his hair herself (used be a hairdresser back in ye olde days). Her daughter in law rightly went mad, a huge row ensued.

My mother (aunt's sister) was 100% on my aunts side - 'cheeky daughter in law' how dare she etc etc

Until I told my mother in no uncertain terms that if she ever pulled that stunt with my dc it would be the last time she would have them.

She was shocked! But...she never ever cut dc's hair! So it was a win

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 06/06/2019 17:04

We have a horrendous relationship which is why I have no contact with her but now I feel like she's trying to wind me up to get me to kick off because then she knows me and my partner will fight. She texts my partner at least one a fortnight reminding him that there will always be a room for him at her house if he decides he's had enough of the fighting, the thing is SHE is the only thing we fight about.

We actually got on quite well until me and my partner moved in together after 18 months of being together, which is now 3 and a half years ago. It started slowly with her being annoyed when we viewed houses without inviting her along. She had the spare key for emergencies but would regularly let herself in which lead to a few embarrassing moments 🙈😂
One evening I came home from work to find her going through our bank statements

When we got engaged she made a guest list and a seating plan for the wedding without once consulting me, out of the 80 people on the list for the daytime I knew 35 and not once did she ask for a list of my friends or family

When I got pregnant with DS it became worse again, she works in the hospital and would change my appointments to suit herself (I know I could have reported this but didn't want to cause even more arguments) she signed me up for breastfeeding classes before I'd even decided if I wanted to breastfeed (my DS was premature and my milk hasn't come in when he was born so this choice was taken out of my hands anyway)
When my DS was born he spent a few weeks in neo natal as he was only 2lbs 9ozs due to a growth restriction and I had to have an emergency C-Section at 33 weeks, as I already said she works at the hospital and tried to get in to cuddle my son before I had even held him

I could go on and on

OP posts:
MrsMozartMkII · 06/06/2019 17:06

She's batshit crazy.

How about her not undermining you as the parent of your son...?

44HuntJas · 06/06/2019 17:07

You need to remind her that DS is your son and she only sees him because you and DP allow it. She has no claim to him.

yermawyabas · 06/06/2019 17:09

I think the The cousin text you to make you aware

NewFoneWhoDis · 06/06/2019 17:11

Fair play to the cousin for that very diplomatic text giving you the heads up. She's got the measure of the MIL for sure.

I'd stop all contact, and kick DH out back to his mothers if he's got such an issue with her undermining the mother of his child, his own wife.

CalmdownJanet · 06/06/2019 17:15

Seriously after all that why the hell does your son even have contact with her? She sounds like a lunatic!! And to the text about undermining her with her grandson I would be saying "I think you need to remember your place. Contact from now on will be once a week and supervised only, like it or lump it and never undermine me when it comes to my son, you will be the only one to lose out"

GabsAlot · 06/06/2019 17:16

Why do you let her see him then-dso you want your son to grow up with hatred about you from his gm?

I think you need to seriously consider withdrawing all contact-whats next taking him out or away without your knowledge?

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