Haircut Drama

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

I have a terrible relationship with my mother in law and for the past few months now I no longer have any contact with her, she picks up my DS from my partner on a weekend and drops him back off a few hours later, she also has him from 5pm till 7pm every Tuesday when he goes to her house for tea, again we have no contact.

My DS will be one at the end of this month and has the most perfect blonde wild hair which I absolutely adore although I do admit it is starting to get a bit long and uncontrollable but I have never discussed this with my mother in law and neither has my partner. Partners cousin is a hairdresser and while my DS was out on Saturday with my mother in law I got a text from partners cousin saying she couldn't wait to see me and DS later, I text back saying I wouldn't be coming but I was happy mother in law was taking him for a visit and asked her to send me a photo of DS playing with her children as they haven't seen each other for a while. Cousin then replies "I'll do it before his haircut so he's still on a good mood"
My mother in law had arranged with cousin to cut my DS hair and me and my partner had no idea. I made it clear to the cousin under no circumstances was she to touch my sons hair. I'm annoyed that not only was it arranged behind my back but he hasn't had a haircut yet and he's my first child, I want to be the one who takes him for his first haircut and make a fuss of him.
My mother in law has now kicked off saying that I have made a fool out of her in front of her family and I shouldn't undermine her when it comes to her grandson

Am I right to think she's a bloody lunatic?

"I could drop dead tomorrow" is her favourite sentence."

I think I'd respond with 'here's hoping 🤞' 😂

She's crazy, the cousin 100% was checking you were aware of what was happening.

you shouldn't undermine her?

Is she on glue?

I'd go NC, and no unsupervised contact.

Thank fuck she didn't take it into her head that he should be circumcised, or have his ears pierced.

She's a complete loon and doesn't have adequate boundaries.

she works in the hospital and would change my appointments to suit herself

I remember that thread! She really is one mad fucker.

When I was pregnant and we discovered my DS had a growth restriction and would have to be born early, myself and my partner discussed with the Doctor wether a C-Section or induction would be the best option, eventually we decided on the C-section as the Growth scans showed he was around 2lb 3ozs (he was born at 2lb 9oz) and the doctors asvised that small babies do not do well under the stress of an induction and that I could be in labour for days and still end up needing a C-Section anyway, the doctor said it was absolutely the right decision for DS as all the risks for the induction were to him and the risks of a C-section were mostly to me. I called my mother to let her know and she was very supportive, my DP then went up to my mother in laws office to let her know what was happening.

She was furious that my mother had been informed first and then demanded to speak to the doctor to make sure I wasn't just being dramatic and made a joke about me thinking I was "too posh to push"

@LakieLady

😂😂 well remembered

It's only got worse I'm afraid

Absolute grounds for no contact. Cannot be trusted and your second post is beyond ridiculous.

This would send me crazy. She does not have boundaries and sees grandson as an extension of herself to do as she sees fit.

I'm struggling to understand how you've not lost the plot!!! You must just want to scream at times.

@EAIOU

Oh I have screamed and shouted but then she got my her daughter who is a nurse and lives in Australia to email my Partner leaflets about Bi-Polar suggesting I have it

I remember the thread too. I thought it was you when I read the op. That woman is psychotic.

I remember your other thread too, I don't know how you cope. I have an overbearing MIL but it'yours takes the biscuit! I think you should consider cutting all contact, you can't trust her with your DS on her own, and you can be around her for your own sanity - she has driven you to this. And really don't worry about what she says to others about you, they are clearly wise to her batshitery!

Jaw dropping stuff!
You're partner needs to grow a backbone - she will still be his mother even if he makes it clear her behaviour is unacceptable. She had her chance to raise her children, now it's your chance to raise yours.
I'd be very frightened leaving me child with her - she clearly has no boundaries.
If your partner isn't disturbed by her behaviour, there is doming not right with him.

Fuck op there's no way I would send my innocent child to be around that absolute cunt

I knew the hospital appointment changing rang a bell but you never know here how many MIL nightmares there are.

OP, you've done a lot better putting up with her than I would!

So it’s fine for her to her to undermine you and your son but somehow you aren’t allowed to be involved with her relationship with her grandson? What an absolute loon!

"I could drop dead tomorrow" is her favourite sentence.

My MIL also says this on a regular basis.
I'm still living in hope.

OP, YANBU. Absolutely not. Your MIL really is batshit crazy. Well done to the cousin who was clearly tipping you off, and obviously has the measure of MIL.
I wouldn't be letting her have your DS unsupervised anymore.

You and your partner have boundary issues, she shouldn’t be able to get away with 99% of this rubbish!

My mother in law has now kicked off saying that I have made a fool out of her in front of her family and I shouldn't undermine her when it comes to her grandson

Yeah, she wouldn't be seeing my child again.

Sorry you now have a dh problem-cant he see what shes doing-what did he say about all the appts and caling you mad and demanding to know things first

He doesnt have your back which means it will get worse still

It's the mentality of the whole family really It's the mother,father and sister, they are like A pack of wolves, in their eyes none of them can do any wrong, I mentioned earlier how I couldn't breastfeed when DS was first born because he was Premature, so once we were out of hospital and my milk came in I started trying to get the hang of breastfeeding and was expressing tiny amounts at first and topping up his formula with it hoping to eventually to be able to express more and as DS got older he would get the hang of latching on and I could breastfeed (didn't end up happening unfortunately, but oh well as long as he is fed that's the important thing). Anyway one afternoon DS was asleep and I was sat on the sofa with the breast pump attached expressing, I was so made up that I'd finally managed more than 20mls, suddenly father in law let's himself in with the so called "for emergency's" key. Sorry for the language but I shit myself, jumped up and dropped the expressed milk all over the floor and woke the baby up in the process. I was furious and embarrassed at being caught with my boobs out by my father in law. My partner did have a go at his dad for letting himself in but then 2 days later got an email off his sister who lives in Australia saying that I make the father feel uncomfortable coming to our house and if I'm so sensitive about breastfeeding then maybe I should express in the bedroom

It's my house!!!

Omg please tell me they no longer have a key.

No keys, no sharing information, no chit chat.

Build a massive wall!!!!!! Literally!!!!!!!

Can I ask why you have contact with them and why they see their grandchild?

Get the key off them or change the locks 🙏

They no longer have a key.

I have no contact with them now, when they come to collect DS they call my DP to let him know they are outside and he takes DS out to the car then same when bringing him home

I have thought about stopping contact but I do think as awful as they are to me I know they love my son. I think it's also because I grew up in a Very fractured family and had very limited relationship with my paternal grandparents and my maternal grandparents both passed away when I was very young so I Want my son to have a relationship with his grandparents while he can because as I said earlier they are in their 60s and have some health issues so may miss out on his later years. But I have made it very very clear that if they ever talk negatively to my DS about me or tell him anything about these arguments then contact will be stopped I have also told my DP that If he has a problem with that he knows where the door is

Woooaahh. Yeah...they’re a set of absolute weapons. Fuck me!

Bloody hell lass.

Just read your update. They take barking to a whole new level!

Nope. Sorry but nope. I don't think they love him the way you are hoping they do. Sorry but if they were capable of that they wouldn't behave in such insane ways.

If I were you I would ensure they were nowhere near my child again. They cannot be a good influence on him - they've shown this time and time again. If they really cared for his wellbeing they would stop treating his mother this way.

Why is a relationship with deeply disturbed people somehow preferable to no relationship at all? Not to mention - how will you ever know what sort of poison they will drip into his ears about you (and just general poison given their personalities) as he gets older and understands more - until the damage is done?