Haircut Drama

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

I have a terrible relationship with my mother in law and for the past few months now I no longer have any contact with her, she picks up my DS from my partner on a weekend and drops him back off a few hours later, she also has him from 5pm till 7pm every Tuesday when he goes to her house for tea, again we have no contact.

My DS will be one at the end of this month and has the most perfect blonde wild hair which I absolutely adore although I do admit it is starting to get a bit long and uncontrollable but I have never discussed this with my mother in law and neither has my partner. Partners cousin is a hairdresser and while my DS was out on Saturday with my mother in law I got a text from partners cousin saying she couldn't wait to see me and DS later, I text back saying I wouldn't be coming but I was happy mother in law was taking him for a visit and asked her to send me a photo of DS playing with her children as they haven't seen each other for a while. Cousin then replies "I'll do it before his haircut so he's still on a good mood"
My mother in law had arranged with cousin to cut my DS hair and me and my partner had no idea. I made it clear to the cousin under no circumstances was she to touch my sons hair. I'm annoyed that not only was it arranged behind my back but he hasn't had a haircut yet and he's my first child, I want to be the one who takes him for his first haircut and make a fuss of him.
My mother in law has now kicked off saying that I have made a fool out of her in front of her family and I shouldn't undermine her when it comes to her grandson

Am I right to think she's a bloody lunatic?

I think you're mad to let your son have that much contact with these toxic people. Twice a week is crazy.

What does your husband make of all this? Has he done anything about it? She sounds awful.

I wouldn't let them have that much contact with your son. Do you really want their behaviour rubbing off on him.

Just fuck no. I'm from a dysfunction junction family but if I were you I'd disappear in the middle of the night and change my identity and my child's name and be done with those lunatics forever (and I include your husband whose sound is made of jello)

^ I typed out spine is made of jello

I wouldn’t be comfortable sending my child to these people without me or my partner being there. How will you genuinely ever know whether they’re saying or doing anything that you would disapprove of?

Another one here who would be stopping unsupervised access. Your DP can take him if you really can't face it.as for the "I could drop dead tomorrow" turn that shit right back on her. Next time she says it reply "and that's exactly why DS can't be in your sole care, especially as he gets bigger and more of a handful. Wouldn't it be awful if he had to witness that?"
Both my own DM and mil are dead so my DC don't have granny's in their lives. My youngest does not remember mil at all and misses my DM dreadfully but she has formed a beautiful relationship with 2 of my aunts, which I did encourage. Can never replace her granny but she has two people in her life who love her and indulge her and can tell her stories about granny. DH and I are only children so no aunties or uncles or cousins. Again it's something I'm aware of so we make sure we nurture the relationships we have with the family we do have. My DC have people in their lives who they are closer too and have better relationships with than many children have with their grandparents. Don't get hung up on the "oh but she is his granny" thing OP. It's just a title. Build your own tribe of people who will treat you all with love & respect.

Op please. He might not be old enough but soon he will be. They'll start with the 'don't tell mummy' 'mummy wouldn't like that' 'oh mummy's so mean'. There'll be secret keeping and boundaries being stomped on for miles. Don't let them have him alone. It's completely bonkers!

What total bollocks

They don't love your son. They are being entitled and showing you they can do what they want. They don't care about you or your feelings. I don't understand why you tolerate this shit. Please stop all unsupervised contact. They are poisonous.

He wont be missing out on anything children dont need gps expecially toxic ones-they need good honest kind people around them not poison dripping in his ear you have no idea what theyre thinking-one day they could just run off with him

Your PILs sound quite unpleasant. I would limit contact otherwise their batshit attitudes will rub off on your DC.

My DS stayed overnight with ILs, she fed him food that he's allergic to "it's okay, I got his epipen ready" he was only about 2. He never went unsupervised again.

Don't do it, you can't trust her. Next time cousin might not be there.

"Health issues in their 60's", don't let this cloud your feelings, my FIL had health issues for years, took loads of medication and lived well into his 80's

She has no right to do that. Some grandparents think they have some form of rights to make decisions which they shouldn’t. My mil is similar.

Be thankful you found out before she actually had it cut though.

She sounds like a nightmare and the root of yours and your partners arguments. My mum went through this. My stepdads mum was evil and caused them to fall out a lot. Things got better when they decided to cut contact but I’m not saying this is right in your case as your son is used to seeing her.

My mil isn’t as bad but still bad at times. She tries to tell me what to do with DC and she knows I can’t stand up for myself so I let her talk to me like shit but luckily Oh had words with her and things aren’t too bad now.

Jesus, this is pretty bleak as far as MIL threads go. You sound very balanced OP I have thought about stopping contact but I do think as awful as they are to me I know they love my son.

People throw out no contact regularly on mumsnet as if it is something easy. Keep doing what you are doing, you don't need to engage with her at all; but if she is kind to your son, I'd still let her see him and your partner makes his own choice, she is his mother after all. BUT the haircut issue needs to be brought up by him and she should be given fair warning that those kind of decisions are dealbreakers in terms of her contact with her grandchild.

You know what op. Good on you. My mum was in an identical position yourself. She let me stay at my nan's and visit like you are doing. I had a wonderful relationship with my nan and she was wonderful to me. Her and my mother were ultra low contact as frankly nan was a ott ( but didnt realise this until I was 15). Nan knew better than to bad mouth my mum and she knew contact would vanish instantly. I'm glad mum did what she did

I would be cutting down contact. Once every 3 years should be enough. If they can not respect his parents they do not deserve a relationship with your son.

She's an absolute cunt, isn't she? But you're going to have to play a bit of a long game here because, if your H refuses to take your side to the point where you end the marriage, this cunt will then get unsupervised access to your DS as, while she has no legal rights at all, your H would, if you were separated, have the right to take his DS to his mother's house.
Do you think you could be tough enough to go with your DS when he sees Granny Fuckface? And be calmly, cheerfully indifferent to any silliness on her part? Or take DS and leave if she tries anything on?

There seems to be a plethora of MIL's/DM's who are obsessed with boys having short hair. What harm do they think long hair brings?

You absolutely should have reported her for accessing your health records. It's a sackable offence. And if she's looking at yours, who else's is she looking at.

Oh gosh I remember your previous thread . Your MIL sounds very nasty and manipulative and I really don’t think she should have unsupervised contact with your DS . She will start dripping poison in his ear .
What is it about GPs demanding time with DGC without parents ? I have a DGS who is almost 13 and I have never once demanded contact without DD being there.

This is absolutely batshit. There is no way that I would leaving my son in their care. EVER. You cannot trust them in any way, therefore you cannot trust them with the thing that means and matters the most - your son.