AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

IDon't be daft. It's prudent to be absolutely sure before you get outside agencies involved with accusations of neglect*

I don’t think she should start making any such accusations, but I was specifically responding to the poster who had suggested there might have been someone else at home, when OP had already posted details of the conversation that tended to suggest there wasn’t

There is nothing really wrong with leaving a baby for 10 minutes to pop across the road.

Would I do it ? No.

In the UK, this obsessive/worry filled kind on mothering is pushed so heavily which is why judgment is passed on mothers.

Her child is safer than yours.

Why would you report her to the school? You only know ur “information” because ur nosey and listen to other people’s conversation rather than you saw it first hand/she said it too you.

MorondelaFrontera

People make lots of choices that don’t concern me at all. This one concerns me.

Erm you overheard a conversation. I say quite often I left one of mine at home while popping out but it is always with a neighbour or relative.

Unless there are other concerns you already have about this parent I wouldn't report it to anybody. Let her make her own parenting decisions.

MN is such a weird, weird place. I remember a thread years ago about a mother who took her son to school with no coat on. About five hundred people piled on to say it was neglect, and that the mother should be reported to SS. But leaving your tiny baby alone and defenceless while you go out is a “parenting decision”.

stayathomer
you took each of your baby with you in the loo until they were 6 months?! Really!

if you knew that to be the case for absolute definite you should have reported it.

I absolutely would have reported but it she was describing this years after she actually did it. It didn't give me much faith in her parenting but I assumed it wouldn't have been taken seriously by SS since it was no longer going on.

But leaving your tiny baby alone and defenceless while you go out is a “parenting decision”.

she is not "going out", she popped out to collect a child which is 1 to 2 minutes walk. Taking less time than it takes me to hang the laundry out.
If she had gone on a shopping spree in Primark or on a spa day, I would agree with you.

Report the to the school.

MorondelaFrontera

It isn’t 1-2 minutes outside the house. It’s a school pick up. It doesn’t take 1-2 minutes.

You took each of your baby with you in the loo until they were 6 months?! Really! Had a carry seat/ moses basket so parked outside the door in full visibility, yes!!maybe ott but just the way I did it

stayathomer
Not being sarcastic, genuinely wondering how you managed to sleep for 6 months if you were that anxious.

One of the (many) luxury of going home after giving birth is that you no longer have to drag your poor baby in the toilet with you!

Until there is a house fire and a neighbour says its ok she'll be collecting the kids from school, I saw her going that way, and no one will realise the baby is inside!

It reminds me of a friend who slipped on ice, smashed her head and was unconscious for some time when she took her bins out. She was lucky to be found by her husband and not to spend too long freezing on the floor.

So of course accidents to happen. Do you stop going outside when the baby is inside until another adult arrives just in case?

Do you stop going down the stairs just in case? People getting badly injured in stairs are not that rare.

I understand people not choosing to do the same, but getting "concerned" and reporting because they make other choices is ridiculous.

Not being sarcastic, genuinely wondering how you managed to sleep for 6 months if you were that anxious.

I actually slept grand ( they all slept from 3 months until ds4 when everything blew up and we started to understand about night times being with them all taking turns to land in at various stages. Now, 5 years on mo one sleeps )

MorondelaFrontera

Again, I would not be reporting because this is something I would not do. I would be reporting because I think this is something nobody should do.

I wouldn’t do it, but I’m struggling to find much of a difference between that and a 10 minute shower? Or as the woman said leaving them in a playground alone? Surely the latter is worse than at home?
I’m quite undecided on this one. It feels wrong. But I’m not sure why.

Pinkgin22

Perhaps because it’s so early in the child’s life and the mother already feels comfortable behaving in ways that every clinician, SW, police officer etc. would advise her not to? If this is her attitude at 4 months, what’s next?

the mother already feels comfortable behaving in ways that every clinician, SW, police officer etc. would advise her not to?

what on earth are you on about? You are entitled to your opinion, but do not pretend everybody shares it.

Logically, it is a fairly low-risk thing to do.
But instinctively we are against it, because for thousands of years of evolution, leaving your tiny, defenceless baby alone was massively risky.
However much you know your baby is unlikely to freeze or be eaten by a wolf when it is safely in a warm cot in a secure house, your mother's instincts will be screaming.

MorondelaFrontera

Wait a second. You think you could tell one of the people I just mentioned that you were doing this and they would say, “Crack on - it’s your call.” You actually think that?

You think you could tell one of the people I just mentioned that you were doing this and they would say, “Crack on - it’s your call.” You actually think that?

as I know at least one Paediatrician and one police officer who do very similar, I am pretty sure your opinion is not as unanimous as you think it is.

MorondelaFrontera

I don’t believe that for a moment. But if it is true, please report them.

I wouldn't do this myself but you are just 'nebbing' and don't know for sure if there was anybody else in the house. Now you have caused a furore on here.

Nobody on here including you knows the truth. Keep your beak out unless you have concrete info and stop listening into other people's conversations abd then publicising.