AIBU to be a shocked at a parent leaving their 4 month old home alone for 10 minutes

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

I overheard a conversation at school the other day, a mum was telling another mum how she left her young DD (4mo) at home while she picked up her DS (aged 5 or 6) from school.

I believe she lives around the corner and across the road from school, maybe 1 or 2 minutes walk. But pick-up would probably take 10 minutes in total to get the kid, get him ready, leave school premises and get home.

Of course I rationally know that no harm is likely to come to a 4mo left alone for ten minutes. But even if it's very very unlikely that anything bad would happen (to the baby, or the mum, or the older kid), it still gives me the chills to think about it.

Instinctively I want to say something, whether to her or the school. But I don't know if I'm being over cautious.

[MorondelaFrontera]

I wonder if real cases of abused kids get ignored because of the busy bodies focusing on non sense but ignoring the real nightmares.
This thread is ridiculous.

Next someone will call social service because the mother of a new born had a shower whilst her baby was sleeping downstairs.

[BertrandRussell]

“All she had to do was place the baby in its pram and push it onto the school, why risk leaving it home alone?“
Why is leaving it in it’s cot riskier than taking it with you?

[BertrandRussell]

“Anything could happen”

Like what?

[nokidshere]

It is a heck of a risk and it is illegal

It is not illegal. There are no laws regarding leaving children home alone regardless of their age. You can be prosecuted if it is deemed you left them "at risk" and that's the same for a baby as for a 15yr old.

[JamieVardysHavingAParty]

Fire, SIDs?

[CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook]

I did it as a single parent with zero support. Lived 5 minutes away from the school. Not clever, not something I did willingly or easily.

Why the judgement? A nice question might be "I wonder why that person felt they had no choice but to do xyz" or 'I wonder if there's some way I can help'

But no you want to go directly to blaming, and reporting it to the school. Have you even talked to the person? Jeez.

[BertrandRussell]

Fire. Well yes. But less likely than being hit by a car. SIDs? Once again unlikely at 4 months- but could happen while you’re downstairs or in the bath.

[SoupDragon]

“Anything could happen”

Like what?

The parent being hit by a car and no one realising there's a baby alone.

[SoupDragon]

No one thinks these things will happen. Sometimes they do.

[Celebelly]

I don't really get the hit by car argument. Surely a baby at home alone in their cot is preferable to both of them being hit by the car?!

[herculepoirot2]

The reason I'd mention it to the school @nokidshere is because they would know what to do, they are trained in safeguarding, they are mandatory reporters if they have any safeguarding concerns, I am none of those things. I'm just a nosy-parker who overheard a conversation in the playground which left me feeling uncomfortable.

That’s rather an odd attitude. You are aware of a child st risk. You should report it to SS straight away. Why wouldn’t you? You’re just adding work to the safeguarding lead’s plate, and the child doesn’t actually go to the school.

[BertrandRussell]

“The parent being hit by a car and no one realising there's a baby alone.”
Is that better than parent being hit by a car while holding the baby?

[JamieVardysHavingAParty]

Which is why people buy very expensive baby monitors to keep beside the cot to alert them if the baby does stop breathing while they're downstairs.

[SoupDragon]

You take more risks as an unencumbered person than you do when pushing a pram.

There is never a good reason for leaving a baby alone in the house. It's not hard to take them with you.

[SoupDragon]

That’s not to say that there are no laws on leaving children home alone. Under the Children and Young Persons (England and Wales) Act 1933, the Children and Young Persons (Scotland) Act 1937 and the Children and Young Persons (Northern Ireland) Act 1968, parents and carers can be prosecuted for neglect. This means that they can be fined or sent to prison if they are judged to have placed a child at risk of harm by leaving them at home alone, regardless of where in the UK the child lives.

There might not be a specific legal age to leave children alone but it’s safe to say babies, toddlers and young children should never be left alone, even if it’s just while you pop down the road. Even if they’re sleeping peacefully when you leave they could well wake up and get very upset when you’re not there to look after them. They would not be able to protect themselves in an emergency and may even try to leave the property to find you.

[herculepoirot2]

I actually don’t think the risk is being left alone for ten minutes. It’s true that nothing is likely to happen in that time and the baby is probably relatively safe. However, if a parent is prepared to leave a 4 month baby alone in a house for that amount of time in a non-emergency, when else might they be leaving them? How often? Are they bonded with the baby? Are they coping? It’s definitely a concern.

[Mummyshark2019]

Tell the school.

[User8888888]

There is something about social norms though as well as the actual risk. It isn’t the norm to leave a small baby alone, especially since the SIds guidance has been in place. I suspect that’s why so many people feel uncomfortable when the chances of something bad happening are pretty small.

My eldest managed to nearly strangle herself when she was 5 months old through some unexpected movement. Not sure how she did it but I was able to get to her quickly. At least when they’re crawling etc you know they’re dangerous. I had no idea she could move in the way she did before she did something risky. If I hadn’t been there, I hate to think what could have happened.

[MorondelaFrontera]

However, if a parent is prepared to leave a 4 month baby alone in a house for that amount of time in a non-emergency, when else might they be leaving them? How often? Are they bonded with the baby? Are they coping? It’s definitely a concern.

how more idiotic can you get?

If nothing else, I would be more concerned by someone leaving a baby in an emergency, when they don't know how long they will be!

If the mother has a partner or family, she can safely know that they will eventually come home should she be run-over on the school run, which really happens so regularly in this country.

shall we ban mothers from showering as well? You slip, you crack your head, you die and the baby is left alone. That's a concern I'd say.

[BertrandRussell]

This really is magical thinking. “I wouldn’t do this I am therefore a good mother and my baby will be safe” When in objective terms, her baby is actually safer than yours. It’s making a pact with fate.

[herculepoirot2]

MorondelaFrontera

I think leaving a 4 month old baby unsupervised is an example of how much more idiotic you can get.

[NotMyUsualNameNoSiree]

@CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook

I did wonder about the mum, and whether she is okay. I know the father is present, that she had a grandparent with them a few weeks ago, but nothing really more than that. My instinct if she’d told ME about it, would be to ask if I could help, maybe pick her DS up and drop him off on my way past. But I don’t think we’ve ever said more than “hi” at the gates so I don’t want to make her uncomfortable by prying. I will try to be warmer with her, in case that helps - and offer to pick up/drop off DS, as their house is between mine and school. I guess she’s always been a bit prickly, but that isn’t necessarily proof that everything IS okay.

[Drogosnextwife]

YANBU, I don't even like leaving kids in the car at school pick up and I'm literally 20 meters from the car and can see it the whole time (takes me approx 45 seconds).

[MorondelaFrontera]

I think leaving a 4 month old baby unsupervised is an example of how much more idiotic you can get.

I don't know anyone who had obsessively kept the baby at their side at all time for 4 months.

I am sure posters have genius babies who could climb out of their cot and open the cupboards at 4 months, but most of us don't.

[Drogosnextwife]

There no point saying anything though, she won't thank you for it and probably won't change what she's doing.