To think a real friendship can take some honesty

[AliceRR]

I suppose what I’m asking is, is it ever a good idea to tell a friend if they’ve annoyed us or upset us, where we are upset enough that we otherwise might not speak to them for a while?

I have a situation with a friend where I’m a bit upset with her. She seems largely unaware and is talking about meeting up. I don’t want to meet up and wasn’t sure whether to be honest about how I feel (as nicely as I can), make an excuse for not meeting up, just not reply for a bit and maybe I’ll feel better in a few days / weeks or just “suck it up” and be a good friend to her.

I haven’t said what I’m upset about as it’s not a massive thing (it’s more about her not being v supportive) and the AIBU isn’t about what’s happened, it’s about how we handle a situation where we are annoyed or upset by a friend.

I believe that in a good friendship we should be able to be honest but I expect I’m in the minority.

Notabedofroses

What an amazing post. Sadly we are not all as kind or intuitive as you. I wish we were.

So I texted my friend. It was an excited about her pregnancy, does she know what she’s having and house is great so she and DH should pop over sometime...

I’m not in a hurry to see her. I often don’t feel up to seeing the friends who have been making an effort to keep in touch with me. I will give her a chance and l’ll see how things go but I won’t be forcing things if I don’t feel like it. I’m trying not to be ruled by my emotions 😬

How do you feel now you have messaged her? Do you feel relieved and happy you did or rather annoyed that it is you doing all the kind messages when she didn’t make the effort when you needed her?

I think I feel pleased that I messaged her and relieved that I’ve sort of dealt with it. I can’t force anyone to be a “good” friend to me or behave in a certain way but I am in control of what I do. If our friendship flourishes, then great. If we’re not friends going forwards, so be it, but it won’t be down to me throwing my dummy out. That doesn’t mean I don’t still think she should have got in touch with me but I won’t write off our friendship because of that.

I hope she manages to be as a good a friend to you as you are to her,
Wishing you love and light for the future.
Use your time wisely with friends that have your back. We don’t have infinite energy or time.
Let her come to you now, you have offered an olive branch. Let her make the effort for a while, that will tell you all you need to know.

Thanks @Notabedofroses I agree with everything you’ve said and, if she does get in touch, I will respond depending on how I feel at the time. My opinion of her has changed and I don’t think our friendship will ever be the same but I feel I’ve done enough. I won’t be spending my time and energy worrying about her tbh unless something changes.

Keep the friendship on your terms. It is unlikely you will see her in quite the same way, but there may be a point in the future when it comes together or not. Thankfully you seem to have other friends that are far more caring than her.

Yes I think I will @notabedofroses I am not writing her off, as I’ve said, but I think she has some making up to do and the likelihood is our friendship might wane as I’m not likely to make any more effort if she doesn’t. I don’t mean that in a tit for tat kind of way but I feel let down and I feel I’ve made the effort to get in touch and even made clear the door is open but it’s up to her now whether she wants to step up 🤷🏻‍♀️