Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not know whether or how to forgive my husband

86 replies

Icanonlydomybest · 03/06/2019 20:45

NC as could be outing.

AIBU to not know whether to forgive my husband for telling me he hopes my parents choke. I’m still not over him telling me a year or so ago that he hopes they drown.

My parents do like him though he has had disagreements in the past.

This evening my OH refused to come downstairs for dinner as they were here, he didn’t come home from work until he knew they were out of the house on a walk with me.

The back story/ the catch. We live in their house in the UK. They live overseas, they are back every 4-6 months for a week or less usually.

His apparent reason for refusing to come down to dinner was he didn’t like the way my dad spoke to me on a video call a few weeks ago. OH speaks to me 10x worse though.

I am struggling I’m not going to lie and say I’m not. I don’t know whether I’m BU or NBU for not knowing how to forgive his comments and also his behaviour this evening.

OP posts:
BenWillbondsPants · 03/06/2019 20:49

I'd be telling him to fuck right off to be honest.

Givemeamartini · 03/06/2019 20:51

So he doesn’t like them but is happy to stay in their house? Cheek!!

Oysterbabe · 03/06/2019 20:51

Interesting ad I have displaying on this post.

AIBU to not know whether or how to forgive my husband
timeisnotaline · 03/06/2019 20:52

The good news is it must be easy to kick him out if it’s your parents house. He can’t even pretend he has a right to live there.

Atalune · 03/06/2019 20:52

There’s obviously so much more you’re not saying.

He doesn’t sound all that nice though.

PeoniesarePink · 03/06/2019 20:53

Treating people like that whilst abusing their generosity is the lowest of the low.

Suggest he fucks off and finds some other mugs to house him.

whittingtonmum · 03/06/2019 20:53

OH sounds horrible. I'd ask him to be more respectful towards my parents.

TooManyPaws · 03/06/2019 20:54

I'd be asking my parents to have him removed from the house. What sort of things does he say to you? If he objected to what your parents said to you (and blind about his own verbal abuse of you), is it possible that you don't realise exactly how verbally abusive he is after being conditioned to it by your family? Is it only verbal abuse and does he otherwise treat you well?

He sounds like a sulky adolescent and not a very nice person overall.

TheTrollFairy · 03/06/2019 20:56

That’s pretty disgusting way to talk about your parents?
Funny how he doesn’t hate them enough to live in their house (which I assume you get cheaper than renting elsewhere)

Absolutepowercorrupts · 03/06/2019 21:06

There is no rule that says you have to forgive your husband for being a scrounging ungrateful dickhead.

Bollockwort · 03/06/2019 21:12

I've never said this before on Mumsnet, but LTB.

He's completely vile and disrespectful.

Even more so considering he's benefitting from your parents' generosity and can't even muster up some gratitude towards them for it.

This should be your number one reason for leaving him: OH speaks to me 10x worse though

You can do better than him.

SimplySteveRedux · 03/06/2019 21:23

His apparent reason for refusing to come down to dinner was he didn’t like the way my dad spoke to me on a video call a few weeks ago. OH speaks to me 10x worse though.

Your OH is the problem here.

thegreatcrestednewt · 03/06/2019 21:26

Your oh is the problem. Disgusting behaviour. Bin him off and get him to move out. He sounds awful - abusive and disrespectful.

GruciusMalfoy · 03/06/2019 21:29

Does he have any redeeming features? Because he sounds like a horrible person. He says terrible things about them, but he's happy enough to rely on their generosity in housing him. What a dick.

BlueSuffragette · 03/06/2019 21:29

Sounds like you need to really think about the quality of your relationship with OH. He sounds disrespectful to you and your parents.

kbPOW · 03/06/2019 21:31

I think you're perfectly placed to kick the nasty bastard out and he more than deserves it.

motherofcats81 · 03/06/2019 21:33

I would be absolutely horrified if my partner (or even a friend) said they wished anyone would die, let alone my parents. That's a horrendous thing to say.

What other stuff does he say?

kaldefotter · 03/06/2019 21:39

Bloody hell, does he have any redeeming qualities?

He sounds vile, and his behaviour in response to your parents’ generosity seems unforgivable.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/06/2019 21:41

You have a house to live in. Time to take out the rubbish.

Rosielily · 03/06/2019 21:43

How does he talk to you?

7yo7yo · 03/06/2019 21:43

Why are you with him?
What are you standards so low?
Why do your parents allow him to live in their house cus I certainly wouldn’t let the disrespectful little twat live in mine.

Dvg · 03/06/2019 21:50

Hes living in your parents house and treats them like that? says a lot about him, what a nice catch.

XingMing · 03/06/2019 21:50

Your partner doesn't get a positive vote from me either. Family relationships are often awkward and hard work. It doesn't( to me) sound as if your partner has much interest in making a success of your relationship. I hope I am wrong.

TheGrapefulDread · 03/06/2019 21:50

Doesn’t mind living in their house, but how jolly terrible of them to still exist, let alone have the temerity to try to enjoy their own property. Not my usual response but LTB !

EmeraldShamrock · 03/06/2019 21:51

He is a controlling dickhead. I think he likes to control you, make you feel awful so your parents can see it, to make them feel so unwelcome they stop visiting.
OP he is a bully, I am sorry you are in this situation.
Please find the strength to get away from this man, my parents are local and a pain in the arse, my Dad is very opinionated, he is always right, DM asks for lots of help, yes it gets to DP as they are demanding but he would never ever be rude.
My ex would have sulked like a TODDLER, he took all my confidence, he made me nervous around family, I loved him very much but I now see it was his attitude, to be so dam rude.