Have a 4th at 47 or not?

[baby4ornot]

I will be turning 46 this year and have been on the fence about conceiving a 4th child.
Back story, we had a difficult time getting pregnant due to my endometriosis. We finally had our first child via IVF at the age of 40. Then we had twins (boy&girl) at age of 42. I was wiped out after the twins and had a severe umbilical hernia which I was told by my dr that I needed to get fixed before I ended up in an emergency room. I opted to get full muscle repair with no mesh. I was 44. At the time I couldn't think of having a fourth. Now my oldest is about to start K, and the twins will start next year.
We have 1 embryo left in storage. I have this immense guilt about leaving it in storage and that I should attempt to go through and try having this baby. The embryo has already been tested (after initial MC with first 3 IVF, we had all the embryos go through PGD testing), so it should be free of chromosome defects which would lead to a MC (miscarriage) or birth defects. It would just be a matter of it surviving the thaw and implanting.

I go back and forth on if I can physically handle a 4th at 47 (assuming I start the process this year and give birth next year)? When I was pregnant with the twins at 41-42, my BP was a concern, now I will also have to factor a pregnancy with a sewn stomach. Also we would be going back to square 1 baby stage and infant daycare costs. My husband doesn’t want to give the embryo up for adoption but I don’t want to destroy it either. Hence my dilemma. Anyone w similar situation or thoughts?

I’m 47 OP, with 3 kids. I think about number 4 a lot, but definitely won’t be having a 4th.

In your position and with an understanding of your ethical dilemma, I personally would go for it because I’ve had uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries. I’d be very worried though if I had your history, which is risky, and wouldn’t opt for number 4.

It’s ok to stop. Pour this remaining broodiness into something positive. Do you have a family dog?

Get a cat?

No. From what you have said, absolutely not. For numerous reasons. Be happy with what you have; 3 children is plenty.

No way, I wouldn’t have a 4th at 32 never mind 47 🙈

you said you think you should and about the guilt.but do you want one.

Agree with someone on here, if your doctor clears it, do it

I had IVF twins at 42 and as much I would have loved a third child, my mental cut off was 45. At 45 we were not ready to go through IVF in order to increase our family, so we made the decision to donate our embryos to research. Like you, I had health problems and I could not put my twins through the risk of loosing their mother.

My twins are now 12 and we are happy with our decision. We felt that donating our embryos for research was a good decision and could play a microscopic part improving the chances of improving the chances for others.

What would a 4th child give you that your other children don't?

escapade1234 the OP's bunch of cells are at such an early stage it wouldn't be an early miscarriage, just a period. IVF embryos are fertilised eggs in day 5 or maximum 6 - used to be day 3 post fertilisation. That's a week before the first missed period. If it were not IVF she wouldn't know the egg had been fertilised if it didn't implant. Naturally 50% of fertilised eggs - 5 day embryos - never implant and it's just a missed period.

Too late and too old, it's a no from me.

I second mybigsis

47 with three already. Absolutely not.

I would go entirely on the advice of your Dr.

Back in the ölden days"before contraception it was quite common for women to have a change of life baby. For instance my DM was the youngest of 6 and most of her siblings were adults by the time she was born. Her DM was 48.

DC don't take notice of how old other mums are. They are all just mums.

My best friend takes her two DGC to school and people presume that she is their DM.

AngelsonHigh in the olden day’s it was also very common for teenage unmarried pregnancies to be passed off as a late sibling of the teen Mum. Many people grew up thinking their Gran was their Mum. Are you 100% sure that your DM was your Gran’s child?

OP, you have been incredibly lucky to have 3 children by IVF. Please count your blessings, don’t risk your 3 losing their mother and get counselling about the embryo. I say this as someone who had one at 43, also IVF. I sadly had no extra embryos though.

I'm 41 and pg with my 4th (due next week). I'm a horrible raging mess. Don't do it.

OP, you can't go thinking about all the potential babies that never made it, you'd go insane. And this is only a potential baby - it's not a baby. There is absolutely no shame in saying you're done at 3 children. You are not depriving a baby of a life - you're making the best decision for your existing children, who must come first.

I look at the kids I have now and I think this embryo could become a person like them and I love them so much

Which is the very reason that you shouldn't go ahead with another baby. Your responsibility is to the children you already have.

What if there were several embryos left? Would you still feel the same way? Xxx

Absolutely don’t do it. What a waste of time getting your stomach muscles repaired too.

Op I don’t know about ivf but I do know I desperately wanted a 3rd child. I was advised for my health not to. I couldn’t risk making my dcs motherless.

I think pp donating to research is a brilliant one.

I understand your dilemma & if you were healthy I’d say go for it. My gran had a change of life baby - my dad. She was 48 & lived to be 99/100. Age is irrelevant but health isn’t.

Not at 47 , it’s not fair on the child and the health factors aren’t even worth thinking about

I'd say ignore what others think and if you want to try, go for it. Where everyone is saying how old you'll be, well you have 3 others that will also be teens whilst in your 60's so one more really wont make that much difference. But the health issues is a concern - maybe look into a surrogate to carry for you?

Donate it

47 wouldn’t be fair on the child

No guarantee it will make it but don’t I owe it a chance?

No, you don't.

It has no personality, thoughts or feelings. It has no sense of existing and no sense of 'missing out'. It has no sense of loss because it doesn't experience anything. This guilt is in your imagination only, for a child who does not exist. I understand why you feel this way, but it is an imagined problem about a fantasy personality you have created around a person who does not exist.

For me it is not your age that is a factor but the fact that you don't seem to want another child and it could risk your health and ability to care for your real and existing children.

I'd say ignore what others think and if you want to try, go for it. Where everyone is saying how old you'll be, well you have 3 others that will also be teens whilst in your 60's
What if OP hernia scars and previous complications affected the birth.
How would the 3 young DC cope.
If it was your first, yes risk it, but 4th no way.