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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 and 12 year old alone overnight?

114 replies

ponyprincess · 03/06/2019 06:44

Would you do it? I have to be away for work and they are insistent they would rather be at home than stay with friends. Neighbour across the road would be on hand if needed. I am a single mom, no family etc nearby... They are sensible and it probably will be fine-just wonder of others would do this, or set up a different arrangement

OP posts:
WitchyBollox · 03/06/2019 09:57

Yep, serious parenting fail if a NT 16yo cannot cope in an emergency

Missingstreetlife · 03/06/2019 10:15

It's ok. Have a backup plan. Ring them late evening. You are only an hour away if dire emergency. Main problem will be if youngest plays up, hence call and neighbour as back up

SoupDragon · 03/06/2019 10:36

What if there was an emergency?

I imagine they would call the neighbour who the OP has clearly stated will be on hand.

Glitterfisher · 03/06/2019 10:39

In all honesty how equipped are any of us in an emergency?! I am guessing even as an almost 40 yo adult I wouldn't miraculously be able to deal with any emergency myself so I would call 999, my dad, a neighbour etc depending on the emergency, just like a 16yo would be capable of doing.

Whatnotea · 03/06/2019 10:45

I would leave them. You have the neighbor over the road and you will talk to them at different times during the evening you can even Facetime them.

This is how children grow up and take on responsibility. It would be good bonding for them as siblings.

Go, it will be good for them & good for you.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 03/06/2019 11:01

Is this a one off? I'd probably get the 12 year old to stay with a friend.

Hecateh · 03/06/2019 11:12

I used to leave mine alone regularly at 13 and 14. Great neighbours who always knew when they were alone and who they would be happy to call on. You can be married at 16 ffs.

If they are reasonably mature and get on well there is no issue.

I stayed home alone for a week when I was 15 with just my neighbours keeping an eye out for me.

usernamerisnotavailable · 03/06/2019 13:37

I'd do it. You're only 40 miles away if there was an emergency. So what, an hour tops?

I regularly looked after my 14 and 12 year old sisters when I was 15 and 16. For more than a night. We were boarders though so very independent.

happyhillock · 03/06/2019 13:47

I would, a 16 year old is quite capable of looking after a 12 year old, ask your neighbour to keep eye out.

Oneminuteandthenallgone · 03/06/2019 13:49

I think you were lucky ss didn't get wind of that!

HaHa. Firstly it is totally legal and secondly if you think that ss even have time to even take a call on this you would be wrong.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 03/06/2019 13:50

I went to Berlin for a month with a friend at sixteen, if the sixteen year old is sensible they'll be fine for one night

FishCanFly · 03/06/2019 13:51

in terms of safety - they'd be totally fine. If you trust your 16yo not to throw a wild party

adaline · 03/06/2019 15:59

@RabbityMcRabbit why on earth couldn't an NT 16 year old cope in an emergency?!

Chouetted · 03/06/2019 16:06

"What if there's an emergency?" - at 16 I was the one who would have been dealing with an emergency, my mother has never been very good at keeping her head in a crisis.

I'd done a first aid course by then and had had to practice telling adults what to do Grin

RabbityMcRabbit · 03/06/2019 16:08

@adaline it depends on the 16 yo in question, but I do know for certain that my NT 16 yo would not have coped and nor would I have put her in that position

BlueMerchant · 03/06/2019 16:09

No. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all.

bluebellation · 03/06/2019 16:16

Of course it's fine, as long as the kids are happy with it. 16 year olds can leave home and get married and often babysit more than one younger child. How will today's youngsters ever learn responsibility and how to assess risks if they're never allowed to do anything unsupervised.

Chasingsquirrels · 03/06/2019 16:17

I debated leaving my 16yo and just turned 13yo alone overnight a few months ago, in the end my parents had them because my mum and I were both "they'll be fine, but...", and my parents could and were happy to have them.

You know your kids, neighbour across the road on call, you 40 miles away so maybe an hour - could you come home if absolutely needed?
When do you have to leave, ie are they coming home to an empty house plus overnight and then getting themselves to school or is it literally overnight?
It definately wouldnt be an outright no from me.

DramaAlpaca · 03/06/2019 16:18

Thinking about my own DC, yes I'd have left them for one night at that age if I was only 40 miles away with someone on call locally. And of course if they got on well & were comfortable about being left. Mine would have been fine & enjoyed the responsibility.

RabbityMcRabbit · 03/06/2019 16:18

@WitchyBollox no I'm not joking otherwise I wouldn't have written it.

user9827 · 03/06/2019 16:19

Depends on the maturity of the 16yo but at 16 years old I was a parent myself so can't imagine not being trusted overnight at that age!

Freakingouttt · 03/06/2019 16:21

God yes.

16 year olds went to war ffs. They can get married. I left home at 16. No wonder there are so many useless adults around

Glitterfisher · 03/06/2019 16:32

Rabbity- I just can't imagine any scenario where a NT 16 yo could not stay overnight alone for just 1 night unless there are other issues which obviously change things.

RabbityMcRabbit · 03/06/2019 16:41

@Glitterfisher, without saying too much that could be outing, I left my 16yo in the house and went out. It wasn't for the night but I planned on a late return (11.30pm). I got a call from her at around 10.30 crying her eyes out as someone (she says a man) hammered repeatedly on our door. I had to come home and she was extremely shaken. Not something I had anticipated at all.

Glitterfisher · 03/06/2019 16:57

Rabbity - that is totally understandable so apologies for maybe appearing flippant. I can see why she wouldn't want to stay home alone, even someone in their 40s may feel the same after an incident. However, in reality you cannot foresee everything that could happen so without knowing that there is 100% guarantee nothing would happen then most people would expect a 16 yo to be capable of staying home alone.

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