Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

16 and 12 year old alone overnight?

114 replies

ponyprincess · 03/06/2019 06:44

Would you do it? I have to be away for work and they are insistent they would rather be at home than stay with friends. Neighbour across the road would be on hand if needed. I am a single mom, no family etc nearby... They are sensible and it probably will be fine-just wonder of others would do this, or set up a different arrangement

OP posts:

firstimemamma · 03/06/2019 07:55

If the 16 year old is mature and the 2 of them get along well then it's a definite yes from me.

When I was 15 I used to babysit 3 young children (but I know that's not the same situation as it was never overnight).

Lovemusic33 · 03/06/2019 08:03

My dd’s are 15 and 13, I would leave the 15 year old over night, my 13 year old has ASD so probably wouldn’t with her.

I think at 16 it should be fine and they should be able to watch the younger one, when I was 16 my parents went to France for 2 weeks and left me at home.

JinglingHellsBells · 03/06/2019 08:04

I think a lot depends on what you allow them to do now.

You say you leave the 16 yr alone for some of the day- that's fair and normal. I'd be shocked if you didn't!

If she is sensible and knows what to do in terms of a fire, unwanted callers, pressure from friends to have a party, then it's fine.

You need to do a lot of prep beforehand, talking through the worst scenarios, such as a fire, either of them having an accident at home or feeling very unwell, how to safely prepare their meals etc, locking the house, pulling out plugs where there may be a fire risk- all the things adults do before they go to bed each night.

I'm sure this has been done before?

TwoleftUggs · 03/06/2019 08:05

I would probably do this for one night with my two. It depends on the children I guess, mine are always fairly sensible. I would be more worried that they forgot to shut internal doors at bedtime leaving my Guineas and dogs free to party together all night

Isatis · 03/06/2019 08:06

We left our 15 & 17 year olds for a week.
I think you were lucky ss didn't get wind of that!

Social Services would not waste 5 seconds on that.

16 year olds are able to get married and be left in charge of their own babies. Being in charge of a sensible 12 year old: no problem.

EpicDay · 03/06/2019 08:09

I left my 16 year old and 10 yr old at home overnight. 16 year old girlfriend also there which helped as she is super sensible and the 10 year old loves her. We have lived in the same house since they were born and know all neighbours plus their old childminder was on call if they needed her. But seriously I would think it a bit odd if (barring special needs, obviously) it was thought inappropriate to do this if the kids are happy to be left.

Drogosnextwife · 03/06/2019 08:10

I used to babysit people children into the early hours of the morning between the ages of 14 and 16. Sometimes responsible for 3 kids in a house I didn't know. They will be fine OP

Moominfan · 03/06/2019 08:13

I would, I'd assumed this was pretty normal but thread says otherwise. At 15 I was babysitting three younger siblings over night. Relished the freedom. I thought most 15 years old could cope one evening.

applesarerroundandshiny · 03/06/2019 08:15

I would leave the 16 year old if they are happy to be alone but would try to arrange sleepover for the 12 year old.

I think a 16 year old should be able to take care of themselves fine but not sure of leaving them in charge of the 12 year old.

If it was just a day or an evening I would say fine.

legolimb · 03/06/2019 08:15

Yes I would.

You know your own DC though . Will they be responsible?

Get in some easy to prep foods for dinner and suggest a movie night so they are doing something fun together.

stucknoue · 03/06/2019 08:17

With a good neighbour yes, it's a tough call but if they are trustworthy kids and they have neighbours number

Berrylin · 03/06/2019 08:20

When I was 16 I often babysat other people’s kids until 3 or 4am - and those kids were much younger than 12.

I really don’t see why leaving a sensible 16 and 12 year old together overnight is such a big deal.

Marinkazurie · 03/06/2019 08:23

I had moved out and was looking after myself at 17, so I'm pretty sure I could of looked after a 12 year old for one night

Gatoadigrado · 03/06/2019 08:29

16 year old- fine. 12 year old- no.
And while it’s quite true that a 16 year old could get married, or have a baby and be looking after it, these things would be their choices. Being made responsible for a 12 yr old sibling is different.
(Of course they might be fine, but it’s not something you should leave to change. I would arrange a sleepover or something for the younger one )

LillianGish · 03/06/2019 08:29

You know the answer to this because you know your kids - other people are answering with reference to their own kids and other kids they know. Do you feel happy leaving them or are they siblings who fight like cat and dog? Are they often alone for short periods so you basically know how they will behave? Are they happy with the arrangement? I wouldn’t see this as a problem as a one off, but not if you then see it as a green light to just let them get on with (a couple of ds’s friends are in this situation and while perfectly capable of fending for themselves have confided in ds that they don’t really like being on their own all the time. Just to be clear I think 16 is fine - it’s the 12-year-old who still needs you).

SisyphusDad · 03/06/2019 08:32

I have two DSs, as you do, and yes, I've left them alone overnight.

The older one has been left before and was fine - loved the experience, behaved impeccably and the house was perfectly tidy when I got back (why can't he do it when I'm there?) They are both mature, capable and independent - can feed themselves, look after the cats, get themselves to school and bed. And most importantly we have brilliant neighbours who knew I was away and were the emergency backup.

The younger one can't wait for me to go away again (Dad, can I sleep in your bed when you're away? It's so comfortable!)

So yes, with the right children in the right circumstances it can be absolutely fine.

NoSauce · 03/06/2019 08:39

OP going off your updates, in your shoes I would.

SoupDragon · 03/06/2019 09:05

Oh, if it's only one night rather than the whole week then yes, I would leave them.

WitchyBollox · 03/06/2019 09:28

I can't imagine that it wouldn't be ok to leave a 16 yo overnight, what sort of 16 yos are people raising that they are not able to do this. A 17 & 15 yo should not be an issue at all for a week, just ridiculous.

It's the issue of the 12yo that changes things maybe, my DS1 at 12 would have been totally fine overnight with an older sibling but DS2 I am not sure. I would leave DS2 (11) with my 15yo niece for the evening but not overnight.

I left my DCs age 12 and 10 at the time from 730-11pm when I have been round the corner (3 min walk) and they were fine. DS2 is now 11 but he suffers from anxiety in the evenings, it has got worse so I couldn't leave him at all unless with family or very close friends.

So I think it really depends on the 12yo but seriously not an issue for 16 yo. I am so shocked by some of these responses.

Babdoc · 03/06/2019 09:39

I despair for the present generation of young people, if this is the level of mollycoddling they are suffering!
16 year olds can marry, join the army and (in Scotland) vote in referenda.
If your own 16 year old can’t cope without mummy for even one night, you PPs objecting on here have seriously failed as parents. Please start belatedly preparing your DC for adult life - you do them no favours by infantilising them.
My own 15 year old (at the time) managed fine for three nights while I was in Prague - she even baked me a cake for when I returned. And she’s autistic!

adaline · 03/06/2019 09:44

I'd be pretty ashamed of my parenting if my NT 16 year old couldn't cope on their own for one night, tbh.

RabbityMcRabbit · 03/06/2019 09:47

No way! That's far too much responsibility to put on a 16 year old. What if there was an emergency?

WitchyBollox · 03/06/2019 09:49

Babdoc - couldn't agree more. DS2 (11) is autistic but I fully expect him to be able to be ok overnight by 15. He's pretty good now with the exception of this anxiety issue at the moment which we're working on.

WitchyBollox · 03/06/2019 09:49

Are you joking Rabbity? Why couldn't a 16 yo cope in an emergency?

Isatis · 03/06/2019 09:56

No way! That's far too much responsibility to put on a 16 year old. What if there was an emergency?

When I was 16 I was as well equipped to deal with emergencies as many adults, better in some cases. I'd be horrified if my children weren't similarly capable at that age.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread