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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

16 and 12 year old alone overnight?

114 replies

ponyprincess · 03/06/2019 06:44

Would you do it? I have to be away for work and they are insistent they would rather be at home than stay with friends. Neighbour across the road would be on hand if needed. I am a single mom, no family etc nearby... They are sensible and it probably will be fine-just wonder of others would do this, or set up a different arrangement

OP posts:

Queenoftheashes · 03/06/2019 07:16

A 16 year old can have their own children so I’d see this as perfectly reasonable

NC4Now · 03/06/2019 07:19

Not my two but agree it depends on the kids. I occasionally (rarely) leave them for a night out but they are usually ringing me by 11 to find out when I’ll be home. I don’t think they settle well.

Bloomburger · 03/06/2019 07:21

Yes as long as the children weren't the sort to start fires or have huge parties or get up to anything which could endanger themselves or your property. But you know your children so you're the best judge of what they should and shouldn't be doing.

Remember your job as a parent is to bring them up to be able to go out into the world and survive without you and if they can't do an overnight alone without you at 16 you need to start making them be more responsible/independent and cutting the apron strings a bit.

Original poster

ponyprincess · 03/06/2019 07:27

Yes I agree the dd 16 should be able to do it and she is extremely sensible - it is partly just is it fair for her to have charge of ds 12--they do get along and he is also pretty sensible but still a 12 year old boy!

OP posts:

milkysmum · 03/06/2019 07:31

Yep I would if they were sensible kids. You know your own, they are all different. You'll get a huge variety of responses on mumsnet though. I think most woukd be horrified that my 10 year old has her own keys, and is frequently on her own for a few hours after school till i get in from work but this works for us so there you go.

TwoBlueFish · 03/06/2019 07:31

If they get on well, are sensible and have an adult nearby for emergencies then yes I probably would. L

As long as the neighbour has a key and can step in if needed or If they phoned you you could get to them if necessary then should be fine.

DoctorDread · 03/06/2019 07:32

If they're sensible. I regularly leave mine (similar ages) for a couple of hours in the evenings and they're fine.

Lmao at social services being interested in a 17 and 15 y/o being left!!! I was travelling through Europe with a friend at 15!

user1493413286 · 03/06/2019 07:34

What would happen if they called you at midnight saying they were frightened and has changed their minds? This happened to me when I was a teen and luckily there was a neighbour who my parents could call even that late at night.
Also are you 100% they wouldn’t have friends over?

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 03/06/2019 07:35

I don't think it's ok to leave a 16 year old in charge of a 12 year old overnight, sorry. I know a 16 year old can have children of their own, but there's a big difference between a baby/toddler and a 12 year old!

Babyduck3 · 03/06/2019 07:36

I wouldn't, I would spend my entire night worrying that something would go wrong, they would have a fight and all hell would break loose, they would forget to lock the door, leave the gas on, have a party etc etc. For peace of mind I would have someone stay with them, or make them stay elsewhere.

DerelictWreck · 03/06/2019 07:36

We left our 15 & 17 year olds for a week.
I think you were lucky ss didn't get wind of that!

What

As if SS would care. You do realise there are 15/17 yo with their own kids, or married, or living alone?

LuluBellaBlue · 03/06/2019 07:39

Yes I’d leave them, neighbour is close by and only one night. I’m sure they’d love it

nc100 · 03/06/2019 07:39

Why on earth would social services be interested in a 17 and 15 year old home alone??! MN is mad.

Yes, the 16 year old can look after a sensible 12 year old. And they want to, so why not?

16 year olds can marry, have children, work....

Original poster

ponyprincess · 03/06/2019 07:39

I don't think they would have friends over no-they do get along well so would probably just play games/watch movie together. DD is a great cook so can sort the meal

If they called at midnight worried etc... I would talk to them and ask the neighbour who they really like to go over I suppose - but that is a good question and exactly why I am unsure if it is ok to do!

OP posts:

Notabedofroses · 03/06/2019 07:40

Same ages here more or less, and no I wouldn’t leave them.
In my experience they will be fine until it gets late, and often the younger one gets scared.
You are too far away if something goes wrong.
I would consider a sleepover for 12 year old, and 16 year old invites a friend over for the night if she can be trusted.

Verily1 · 03/06/2019 07:43

Legally it’s fine the 16 yo would be legally responsible for the younger one’s welfare during that time.

Original poster

ponyprincess · 03/06/2019 07:43

babyduck no way would they have party etc.. The door locks itself!! DD 16 is alone part of the day now anyway as has study leave and though I work from home as much as I can but she is on her own some days and so far the house has not burned down!

OP posts:

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 03/06/2019 07:44

I think fine.

Original poster

ponyprincess · 03/06/2019 07:45

"notabedofroses" that is a good possible plan as dd has some good and sensible friends but I am not sure other mums will be ok with that

OP posts:

paffuto · 03/06/2019 07:46

Wow! Over-protected, molly coddled nowadays or what? Mind you, the suggestion of SS for the 15 & 17 year old was funny

BalthazarImpresario · 03/06/2019 07:49

Mine are 17 & 11 and I was going to leave them overnight recently due to work (didn't have to in the end) they would have been fine, they both know what to do in an emergency, grandparents nearby etc. The biggest issue would have been the 11 Yr old not going to sleep at a sensible time (was a school night)

I think it's dependent on the kids themselves, both mine are very sensible but I can think of their peers who are similar ages and wouldn't do it.

Beechview · 03/06/2019 07:50

I thing it would be fine too.
I would trust my 14 and 12 yr old to stay overnight by themselves.
I might arrange a pizza to be delivered so they weren’t doing any cooking (just for my peace of mind rather than them being incompetent) but other than that, I would trust them.

StoorieHoose · 03/06/2019 07:51

I was working when I was 16 and regularly left with my 14 and 6 year old siblings. Of course it's okay to leave them especially if they are sensible and get on

HerondaleDucks · 03/06/2019 07:51

Oh how times have changed! My mum left me at home alone for 2 weeks when I was 16. I had money for food etc. I was fine.
I don't see that one night will be an issue!

StoorieHoose · 03/06/2019 07:54

I don't think we are doing children nowadays any favours by wrapping them up in cotton wool - arf at the PP who thought SS would be interested in a 17 and 15 year old being left alone

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