To go to church even if I am an athiest?

[Imicola]

So we moved a couple of years ago, spent lots of time looking for a house then renovating said house, and now have a baby. We don't have any real friends where we live as we didn't really have any time to get out and meet people before baby arrived. DH is keen for us to go to church as it is the only thing locally on a weekend where we can go with a baby and meet other local people. I don't believe in god and generally don't like religion of any type, but I am contemplating going to support DH in this. I'm not sure though if this is a terrible idea...i feel like I wouldn't enjoy the services, but perhaps it would be worth it to meet people. But is it rude of me to go when I don't believe?
Any thoughts? I feel conflicted!

No other baby groups at all? Try looking on Facebook.

I wouldn't go to church and pretend just to meet people.

It's not rude, but it would be torture for me. It might also seem a bit weird if you get to know people well, and a few months down the line drop into conversation that you're an atheist.

Are there no groups around like parent and child, hobby groups, local pub quiz nights?

I used to go to church all through my teenage years and don't believe any more but really miss the friendship side of things and sense of comfort and belonging but like you I feel hippocritical about going when I don't believe. I miss the singing, the socialising and the friendship but can't bring myself to go back. If your dh believes then I think it would be fine to go along and see how things go.

I asked my DM why she didn't go to church. She said "well, I would do if we were still in the village". So if a believer can decide whether to go to church on social grounds, and the church in question is welcoming to all comers, I don't see a problem. (Provided of course you keep your views to yourself while in church, and don't sit silently in your place with a scowl on your face when everyone gets up to sing hymns!)

You never know, you might enjoy it. I love pottering around the garden listening to the hymn singing next door.

I don't think it's rude to go at all (and I say this as a regular churchgoer). But I think you'll either get tired and annoyed by people trying to convert you or you'll love it because you'll start to relate to people's beliefs.

I think it's worth going to see which camp you fall into because if it's the latter, it's a great place to make friends. I don't know what I'd do without some of my church community... they would drop everything to help me. Also my husband's not a Christian but he is very understanding of and sympathetic to our beliefs, and they don't treat him any differently to me.

It’s not rude, but I think maybe go with an open/tolerant mindset if you are going. Thinking ‘I’m not going to enjoy the service’ probably isn’t a great start. If you enjoy the music/the quiet time rather than the religious part I imagine you will be the same as many others there - at least go with a positive frame of mind.

There are plenty of baby groups but they are all during the week so I can go but not DH. I think I would feel like a hypocrite, that's my main problem. Hobby groups etc, yes there are plenty, but I think he is hoping for something where we can go as a family and meet people together. Maybe we need to widen the net, there are a small number of groups on the weekends that we could try.

Of course you can go. The church is about all sorts of things and community is a very strong one. You can be a great community member, helping out, looking out for others without believing in God. And who knows in future you might come to believe. (My belief is that believing in something that says; Love one another, look out for each other, don't hurt, steal, murder etc each other, love your family etc etc can only be a good thing.) You will probably find they do baby groups and if not you could offer to start one. Enjoy.

Oh and if you go, definitely don't pretend to be a Christian. But you don't need to announce that you're an atheist either... people will pick up on it I'm sure the more they get to know you.

It's a personal preference thing. At church there are a lot of people who have quite a weak faith let's says and come for the social side and music. It depends a bit on the church, some vicars themselves have a more flexible approach to faith, religion and how it fits in the world (ours believes completely in science and sees a lot of the Old Testament as stories rather than fact). Going along doesn't sign you up for life and it may be something that grows on you (my faith certainly did gradually) or you may both think it's not for you. Meanwhile I'm sure there's other things - one of the issues at church is there's too much other stuff that clashes so choristers are always missing!

You won't know until you try it OP. I have always found church very supportive and friendly.

Of course you do stumble across the odd bad apple inside a church - just as you do in atheist communities. You certainly don't have to be perfect to be a Christian - quite the opposite (luckily for me!). Just expect there to be the same range of people inside the church as outside. Sometimes I have found people expect Christians to be sort of saint type people who never put a foot wrong but I am afraid they are just as imperfect as everyone else!

Church is for everybody, OP! My own village church is very welcoming and has a Buddhist and at least two atheists in the congregation. We’re a social hub, running a folk music night, a drop in cafe, craft groups for kids, a prayer group, etc
Everyone likes to have a good chat over coffee after the service - it’s a good place to catch up on local news and meet people.
You are not making any religious commitment by attending, unless you actually take membership vows or undergo confirmation. But you will be welcome in God’s house, as we all are.

I would pretend but my experience of churches is that even if you go as an open atheist you will still be welcomed. Lots of Churches understand that the sense of community is important to people.

I’m not saying this is a perfect stepping stone into friendship because you might not find like-minded people etc (all the usual issues with making friends!) but I very much doubt you would be shunned as a non-believer when Churches are generally very welcoming of those who don’t necessarily have faith but are willing to give it a try.

*wouldn’t pretend that should say!

I don't think most churches would have a problem, as long as you werent disrespectful. A lot of people will assume you are interested in learning more and try and convert you though.

"Trying out" a church with an open mind isn't hypocritical is it? But going to church and saying you are a Christian / believe it all when you don't would be lying and a really bad basis on which to make relationships.

I am a regular churchgoer and if I knew that the person who I met at church every week was an atheist my honest reaction would be to be impressed at them having an open enough mind to come and see what's going on.

You might feel uncomfortable about joining in with the prayers / worship if you don't believe in the words that are being said, so if that is the case you can choose not to join in or say amen! There are people in our church who don't join in the singing as they are tone deaf and hate singing.

If you do go I hope you will be welcomed and not feel pressured to do anything that you are uncomfortable with. You certainly wouldnt be at my church but I can't speak for them all.

Why don't you just try it and if you hate it no one's going to make you go again?!

Church will meet you wherever you in your faith journey.
I'm no longer a Christian but I still go for community events from time to time.
There's no need to pretend to be religious, I'd just explain I was curious if asked.

Why not? Perhaps think of it as going to a pub and not drinking alcohol!

Don't worry, it's not catching and you're not offending or insulting anybody by being there.

Stay clear of any Alpha courses, though. They're fucking high pressure sales tactics hidden by 'we're not putting pressure on you, it's all you making your own mind up' and some free food.

I've worked in a lot of churches as part of my job, happily sing religious music in choirs and DP has worked in quite a few cathedrals. I'd be very tempted to get involved in the bellringing if I didn't like having lie ins on Saturdays. We don't feel the need to say 'This is all a bit bollocks, isn't it?' in the middle of prayers and, tbh, I love the architecture, the stained glass, the history and the feeling of being there.

One of the local Priests also says it would be stupid to remove people who didn't believe from church, as they're hardly likely to feel God's Grace whilst being ejected from the premises.

Go, enjoy a bit of singing, a bit of calm, something different from the day to day. make sure you have a cracking Sunday Dinner to come back to, though, as coming home to the smell of a chicken roasting in the slow cooker is amazing.

Are there really no other family activities - parent and baby groups, sports clubs etc you could go to?

I would be a total hypocrite if I went to church, and if a belief in god was the basis for my friendships it would always be built on a lie.

Does your area have a parkrun - could you volunteer? Our area has a junior run on a Sunday morning and they are always looking for barcode scanners etc. Bring baby along, you will meet lots of active families.

Most churches are happy to welcome non-believers - perhaps because they hope to convert them? 😂

I would suggest telling fellow church goers (on a one to one basis) that you are there because you believe in the local community, rather than spiritual specifics.

Be warned that a new couple with a young child might be treated with some suspicious if there are any oversubscribed faith schools nearby!

I'm not a believer but I think if you can sit through them happily then it probably is one of the easiest ways to meet new people. There must be a reasonable proportion of non-believers in any CofE congregation. You've got nothing to lose giving it a try?

I would give it a try. Our local church is so friendly and welcoming and you'd meet lots of nice people. I've not had anyone question how strong my faith is! Or ask me any questions actually! Maybe have in mind that you'd like to see what church community activities you could help out with, that might help you feel less of a fraud (although I don't think you should do!).

I'm sure you could go and be welcome, if you want to, and if you like it then that's great. I don't think you should go just to make your DH happy though, he's responsible for building his own social life. If you're not comfortable - especially given some religious organosations' attitudes towards women - then don't, and don't feel guilty.

If it is an evangelical church you will probably feel really out of place. - they really are for full on believers adn if you never intend to convert you really won't fit in.

A more mainstream church might be more suitable. There may be others there just for the social side too. You probably will be bored in the service though.