AIBU- love at 17- can it last?

[StripeyFisch]

I understand I am obviously not the Mumsnet demographic, but hopefully some of you wiser types can help with something that's been a cause for anxiety for me lately; how to make a relationship last.

I know it depends on both parties, and I will get accused of letting youth cloud my judgement of a what a good boyfriend is, but I can say with absolute certainty that this boy is kind, mature, funny, sensible and supportive, liked by all adults, but without the smarmy I'm-so-charming-act that some have, just authentically good natured. I was in hospital for a few weeks, after we had just been going out a month, and he visited me 3 times, 40 minutes away from home, getting two buses and a train after school to bring me chocolates and watch a film with me, no social media post, no Good Samaritan airs, just genuine kindness and compassion.

Anyway, what has been concerning me is the liminality of such relationships- I feel like everything I read is about a couple cheating on each other, or falling out of love, or having secret addictions or debts- and I would like to ask what tips/advice people on here have for making a relationship last from such a long age (his parents met at 16, and his grandparents at 15 and 16- still together, so I know it is possible). I struggle a little bit with my mental health, and he has been greatly supportive, but I think it would ease my mind to be able to make a conscious effort towards longevity, that way if it is not right, it will not be from a failing on my part, rather that it is just not right.

Sorry for ramble, just anxieties about A-levels, Uni etc. approaching and I want to prevent this relationship from being another thing I discard from recklessness and carelessness!

Many thanks! :)

My daughter met her husband when she was 15, they were great friends, got together at almost 17.
She's now 26 and they're married.

I had my concerns about him being her first and only, but they are fantastic together.

They understand and accept each others differences, totally support each other and are kind and respectful to each other.

I will say though, lots of people change hugely when they're young adults and finding their way through life.
My daughter and her husband were lucky enough to grow in the same direction, but fundamentally they have the same morals and outlook on life.

Nobody can see into the future, so try to enjoy the here and now, instead of stressing about what could happen.

Good luck with your studies.
I hope everything goes really well for you.

My parents were married when my mum was 18 and they've been married for 45 years.
I met my exh when we were 12, and we were good friends. relationship started when we were 19, married at 27, divorced by 30 as we just fell out of love. He felt like my brother.

It could go either way. Just enjoy things as they happen and don't worry about splitting up, as that puts an expiration date on the relationship.

Are you both 17? If so, I wouldn’t worry too much about whether it will last or not. It could. Live in the moment and enjoy your lives. Don’t make any long term commitments/decisions.

I met dp at 19. Still going strong at 32. Had our ups and downs but who hasn't.

I would say there will always be relationships like the ones you have read about but they are not defined by age, they are defined by one or both of the parties being a dick head. You may find in the future that one of you is and there will be times when you think he is

I hope we see you posting in ten years about how well you've lasted

I would say it can, but it's far more likely not to.

The you'll have these worries in any relationship whether you're 17 or 70.

My parents met at 16 and are still married 40 odd years later. My brother met his now wife when she was 15 and he was 16 and they’re happily (as far as I know!) married with three children having never been with anyone else.

It can work, and sometimes it does. Equally, sometimes it doesn’t. But it sounds like at the moment you might be overthinking things a little bit. Try and enjoy the moment. I hate to sound like a patronising old lady but you have no idea how much you (and he) are still going to grow and change over the next few years.

My husband and I met at 15, in a relationship at 17 and married when we were twenty one. We've been married for 36 years.

DS1 met a girl when she was 17, they got engaged when she was 19 and married when she was 21.

DS2 met his wife when they were 17 and married at 19.

I met my DH when I had just turned 18 nearly 15 years later and we are still very much in love.

Me and my husband have been together since we were 16, that's 13 years this August.
I'd say it depends on whether you grow together or grow apart. A lot of changing happened in your late teenage years.
Thankfully we grew closer and have the same views on life/family and wanted the same future.

The odds are stacked against you but it’s always possible. My brother has been with his girlfriend since they were 13, it’s been ten years now and still going strong.

All relationships are statistically unlikely to last, so there's not really any point thinking too much about it. Just live in the moment.

There is no way to “make it last”. People and circumstances change, you could last the distance.....or not. Enjoy it for what it is, you have no reason yet to doubt him so have fun and what will be, will be. There are no guarantees no matter how old you are.

Met dh at 16 and now 50
Best advice from me ? Don’t be too intense. Keep seeing friends- dh was very clingy initially and first few yrs it was me and him and his few friends and other halves
I then met a girl at work who still had a separate life to her partner. Eye opening!! Did cause a lot of rows initially but that’s why we are still together
I have a social life that’s not just him

I do know one couple who have been together since sixth form - we are early 30s now. It can happen! I'd try not to get too stressed- at any point in life you can worry about relationships lasting and while you sound very mature, you are likely to change quite a lot over the next few years. Your relationship may develop with you or you may find in a couple of years that you're ready to move on. Either way, you will be fine! I think my best piece of advice for you is to prioritise yourself. You're young, this is your time! I definitely prioritised my own wants and happiness which meant while I was single a lot in my early 20s, I got to live the life I wanted and make choices based on how I wanted my future to look. It meant when I met my now husband, I was in a good place to settle down and felt ready to start a family without wishing I'd done more. Good luck with everything.

Either you'll grow together or you'll grow apart, there's no way to predict it or influence it.

DH and I got together when we were 18 and 19 and married when we were in our late twenties. The only advice I'd give is to never put barriers in front of each other for university, jobs or travelling.

It’s rare as people tend to change in their twenties but it can happen, my mothers friends were still together in their seventies and had met at 14.

Whatever happens you have had a caring BF. Some people never achieve one decent relationship in their entire lives unfortunately.

My husband and I got together when I was 19, married at 22, a few people were keen to tell me we were far too young, I’ve just turned 40 and we’re still happy together.

Age isn’t terribly important in my opinion, what is important is that you are kind to each other and that you find each other interesting. We have obviously had fights and fallen out a few times over the years, but we both want to make each other happy, we’re kind to each other, considerate and we enjoy each other’s company.

Love is really a bit of a lottery, regardless of how old you are, but it sounds like you’re doing alright. Life is unpredictable and messy, best to enjoy it while it’s going well, try not to worry about future events that you can’t control.

I was 15. He was 19..
I'm now 65 and he's 69.
Still very happy.
Good luck.

Met my dh at 17 in 6th form. Now been together for over 20 years with 2 kids.

Didn't get married until 26 so didn't exactly rush into it.

I consider myself lucky that I got a good one early and that we grew up together- as p.p said - in the same direction.

Met DH when I was 16, got together when I was 17 (he was 19) and 10 years later we’re married with a house and a 8 month old baby. Only got married last year though so didn’t exactly rush into it!

Been with my husband since I was 18 and he was 29. I’m now 30, been married 6 years, 2 children, and very happy.

My BF met her now husband at 15. They're mid 30s now and still happy together 😊

Some last, most don't. Often relationships don't last not because anyone is a bad person olbut because at as you grow up you change and are no longer compatible.

It's so difficult but I think the most tricky part of being young and in love is that it can be all consuming. It's important not to rely on your partner. You can lean on them of course and allow them to support you but know that if it doesn't last actually you'll be OK. I actually find this kind of independence helps relationships stand the test of time. Good luck op!

My sister started dating her now husband at 17. She's now 33. They're very happy together.