Ex left his job to retrain as a doctor - no maintenance

[Childmaintenancechaser]

My ex had a well paid corporate job (between £120K - £150K at various times). Arranging child maintenance was a struggle, for a long time the level was set at £51 / week for two children for reasons I cannot fully understand (he has limited contact, by choice). Childcare fees were not accepted by the CMS as something he has a duty to contribute to either. I had to return to full time work with two under two, and am still deeply in debt accrued at that time.
Now he finally has a job where he is employed in the UK and his full earnings are under PAYE and thus visible to the HMRC. And... I have just received an official letter from him that he is quitting his current job in order to retrain as a medical doctor and not planning to be in paid employment at least for the next six years. He's in early 50s, and both our children are still under 5.
I don't even know what my AIBU is. AIBU to think that if one has enough funds to get through the medical school, it has to be taken into account for the child support calculation? AIBU to be very jealous at him for having this freedom to do as he wishes?

Zombie...

I know a woman in her 50s (married to someone famous) who retrained as a dr in her 50s. It's not unheard of.

He's a selfish shit, and I agree that something ought to be done by the government to force absent fathers with large amounts of cash to pay up. It's ridiculous that he can decide not to earn for 6 years and not think of his DC.

On the other hand though, read Adam Kay's book This Is Going To Hurt - that's what your ex is in for, there's almost zero chance he'll have the energy to work as a junior doctor in his 50s/60s, it'll be a living hell for him. He deserves it!

What a complete and utter shit he is.

What's the point of medical training at his age? He'll be nearly 60 by the time he's able to practice, I know doctors often work well past state pension age, but he's unlikely to have more than 10 years working as a doctor, so he's unlikely to ever get beyond registrar.

OP, as he's over 50, and leaving a well-paid job, he might be able to start getting his occupational pension(s) soon. Those would be taxable, so should count for maintenance purposes.

WTF!! By the time he’s fully trained he’ll be over 60. I’d be just as annoyed as you.

Just noticed Zombie too. I was first to post today but Strange it was in active threads

I guess it's no a zombie for OP

Not exactly addressing the OPs point, but... for everyone saying universities wouldn't accept someone in their 50s; that is incorrect. While I was doing my nursing degree, we did a few lectures/interprofessional learning sessions with the medical and dental students and there were lots of mature students and a few of those in their 50s doing medicine. This was a reputable, Russell Group university for the pp who said that "a reputable medical school wouldn't consider a candidate that old". We are all going to be working till, what 67 now (I'm not sure what the retirement age of a 50 year old would be) so why not retrain and do a job that you're going to enjoy for the next 17 or so years?

My goodness, I wouldn’t want to be treated by someone with such a defunct moral compass. I think I would probably make it known wherever he studies what a piece of work he is giving up a well paid job in order to study and thus avoid maintenance. In the minuscule possibility that he actually becomes a doctor he’s not exactly bringing his best years to the profession is he?

I hope OP comes back to give us an update on what happened with this.

I'm interested in the follow on thread where the exDH was after full residency of the two primary aged DC - while he was training, of course.

@Childmaintenancechaser

How is this working out OP? Did he actually go to medical school?

This is a shocking situation.

It's pants that there is not more help for you, I agree with PP that there should be a fixed amount payable and if the non-resident parent can't / won't / doesn't have to pay, it should be topped up by a benefit (that could be added on to the student debt?)
After all it is not your fault or the children's fault that their father doesn't pay enough.
It is also not fair that child are costs are so high. That is also not anyone's fault but more of it should be state-funded. As a student could he get subsidised childcare?

Could there be a review of your financial order that was set at the time of the divorce?

Actually, age discrimination is allowed if it is reasonably justified (it is the only form of discrimination which has that potential) - there are lots of areas where you cannot do something due to age. You cannot drive a car before 17, you cannot draw your pension until 55, some professions still have enforced retirement ages - it could be totally justifiable for a medical school not to offer a place to someone who will probably never practice and save it for someone younger.

But that's not to say they have not offered him a place or would not, or would attempt to rely on that clause - I am, sure they are just happy to take his money.

He's a wanker though!

"Buy This is Going to Hurt by Adam Kay. It's a bestselling, hilarious diary of a trainee doctor and you can imagine your ex enduring the lot of it. PP was right, he'll never make it. Wanker."

what's the point of this? He doesn't need to make it.

He's simply done this to say to the OP that he will not be paying for their DC. He isn't planning to even properly do the degree I imagine.

he will get exemptions and deferments for health etc etc and probably never finish any of it.

Has he actually got a place at medical school?

He's a shit! BUT this whole idea that 'I'm too old to retrain because I'm in my 40s/50s and near retirement' paradigm will eventually have to change because the fact is that 'retirement' as we conceive of it is not going to last. It was never sustainable to expect to be economically inactive for 20+ years of one's adulthood and survive (or be supported). It has been the case for human history excepting this momentary blip that people usually work till they are physically unable, which is sadly usually near death.

while this is a zombie thread it does bring up the subject of the difference in the way benefits & savings are assessed & maintenance & savings are assessed - you would have thought that the non residences savings would be looked at for the benefit of his dc ie a percentage over a certain figure - my hope is that this poster's husband was kicked off the course (because it would be blinking hard work) it does make you wonder what happened in these past cases

How long is he actually without an income, I thought trainee doctors were waged after their undergraduate degree?

Yes they do start earning a salary after they complete their undergraduate degree...but said degree will take at least 5 or 6 years!

Assuming he gets through each year smoothly, doesn't have to re-take examinations or repeat the year!

A chap I work with has met a lady at work, left his wife and 2 young children and now they have decided to move to Devon and live in a caravan on a farm and live off the land. He has said you only get one chance at life and this is his dream, I couldn’t help but say what if your wife fulfilled her dreams and put your 2 children in care and did what she wanted to do what would you do then, I was told to mind my own business Can you imagine what would happen to society if women behaved in the way some men do about their children?

I started reading without looking at the dates, thinking I was sure I'd already read this thread...

I wonder whether grandpaw has been rumbled yet.

Fucking hell, this shit drives me mad
Any chance of taking the bastard to court?
If you did I would happily chip in if you crowdfunded it. Seriously.
I am sick to bloody death of hearing about fathers that swan off to do their own thing, leaving a single mum struggling, and then have the brass feckin neck to not even chip in financially 🤬

Grrr, I can't stand it when parents deliberately wriggle out of financially supporting their children, it's so selfish and unfair.

Different scenario, but a friend's ex deliberately quit his job to avoid paying maintenance....guess what, his wealthy grandma had recently died so he had a nice fat inheritance to live off. His children, however, had to make do on their Mum's salary while he swanned off on holidays, etc.

I agree with PP's that you should do some digging and request proof that he's enrolled in a course. I wouldn't rule out letting his university (if it exists) know that he's failing to provide for his young children as well. It may not be of interest to them, but as people have said, doctors need empathy and to put their patients' best interests first. He sounds like he lacks those qualities. Wishing you all the best, OP