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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours complaining about toddler noise

282 replies

NadT · 30/05/2019 12:50

Hello,

I'm looking for opinions and any advice please. We are a family of 3 living in a semi-detached house. We have a 2 and a half year old. Over the last few months, just as he turned 2, the neighbours started sending messages stating they could hear 'constant banging' particularly in the mornings. Without more specific information we assumed that they were referring to our toddler waking at 5.30, getting out of his bed and running around his room and jumping. For the record my husband and I hate this too! I was out at the time and so sent a reasonable message back apologising and explaining. My husband sent a friendly message to her husband also explaining. We had return comments such as "It's not on" and "we believe you can do something about it". We asked them for a face to face to discuss exactly what their grievances were and they ignored the message.

After that they blocked us and cut off communication. This week one of them posted a Facebook post on our private residents page complaining about inconsiderate neighbours and that they would be moving as a result of noise in a few years. We were highly embarrassed by this as other neighbours contacted us asking what was going on.

We felt this was unwarranted and so contacted them again asking for a face to face so we could find out exactly what it was that we are doing that is bothering them do much. We received responses full of abuse and our offer to meet was firmly rejected.

We are now uncomfortable and anxious in our own home. I find myself panicking and shouting at my poor toddler every time he makes some sort of noise. We have tried everything to get him to sleep in later in the mornings such as Gro clock, rewards, modifying naps and asking the health visitor for advice. Nothing works. He wakes early.

The banging is also probably coming from his tantrums which at the moment are epic! Again we deal with them but we can't stop them outright or predict when they are going to happen!

My confidence has been severely damaged by their comments towards me and my toddler. Heavily implying that my toddler is an inconvience because of his noise. Whilst I genuinely sympathise and appreciate the noise isn't fun I would like the opportunity to give them context and insight so that they can at least understand why it's happening. I'm also genuinely happy to try and change a few things but by refusing to meet us to discuss it I'm not sure how I can move forward without information about exactly what is bothering them. My husband struggles with depression and this has set him back too especially in his search for a job.

We live in Scotland so far away from our families and hence any support or option to go and stay with them for a bit. We aren't financially able to move house and don't want to leave anyway.

Advice gratefully appreciated. And shared experiences!

OP posts:
AnnabelleBronstein · 01/06/2019 10:33

What is a face to face conversation going to achieve? They’ve told you the problem, it’s your kid and your job to keep it quiet. They have a right to peace and quiet at 5.30am! And please don’t tell me you can’t keep a 2yr old from jumping around. Parent him.

LastChanceFinalOffer · 01/06/2019 10:48

Has your NDN's DS stopped playing his piano and guitar with gusto late at night? We all agreed they were the unreasonable ones (seeing as you need to be up at 5am) during the week on AIBU. Their note to you seems a bit tit for tat imo.

Lazypuppy · 01/06/2019 10:56

You live next door to these people, just go and knock on their door and discuss it like adults.

overthehorizon · 01/06/2019 11:54

@LastChanceFinalOffer

Is this the same poster?

Dippypippy1980 · 01/06/2019 12:09

Bring your toddler downstairs - entertain him - that’s what I did.

Being woken up at 5:30am every morning would be very annoying - particularly at the weekends.

You know why they are annoyed, they are even more annoyed now that you are aware of the issue but are pretending not to understand.

Pop a note through their door. Apologise. Say the tiresome toddler will be brought downstairs when he wakes (or inti your bed) to quietly watch tv (or another pursuit) until 7am.

echt · 01/06/2019 13:48

OP isn't coming back, not least because the solution of actually getting out of bed and taking the child into their own room/ living room doesn't seem to be an option for them.

SimplySteveRedux · 01/06/2019 13:54

You need to be really careful here, councils are bringing through antisocial fines where even a baby crying, the noise of someone crying after an argument or wailing can be fined. Crazy.

19lottie82 · 01/06/2019 14:11

councils are bringing through antisocial
.fines where even a baby crying

Not true.

Yes people can be charged for crying / wailing, but only if they’re over 16.

SimplySteveRedux · 01/06/2019 14:16

I thought there was no restriction? Apologies if I'm wrong, it's still ridiculous regardless! There was a case in Staffordshire I read recently.

www.thesun.co.uk/money/9166669/fine-2500-crying-home/

www.stokesentinel.co.uk/news/stoke-on-trent-news/north-staffordshire-resident-could-face-2921799

Yabbers · 01/06/2019 14:41

I can’t believe people are saying this is acceptable at 5.30am.

If your next door neighbour was doing DIY at that time, you’d complain. Because adults are aware of what is socially acceptable. And as adults, we step in and make sure our children are taught that too.

Kids make noise and sometimes it can't be helped
But this is a time when it can be. OP can be an effective parent and get up when her 2 year old does instead of letting him bounce around his room.

SO WHAT he is a CHILD, some people need go get a grip....
A CHILD with PARENTS who are ADULTS who should be aware of their impact on neighbours. You sound like the guy in my neighbourhood who thinks it’s ok his dogs bark constantly, early morning til late at night, and we all just have to put up with it because that”s what dogs do. He seems not to realise the dozens of other dogs in the area manage to survive without doing that.

starzig · 01/06/2019 14:57

It is not the neighbours that chose to have a child. They can't be expected just to deal.
If I chose to have loud music at 5am I wouldn't expect the neìghbour to suck it up.

missminagrindlay · 01/06/2019 15:10

YABU! I would hate to be your neighbour, you get up with your kid, you move them off if you can when they're tantruming, you parent them not be lazy and inconsiderate. The fuck I'd do a face to face meeting with you, you don't care.

UserName31456789 · 01/06/2019 15:33

We had my youngest while living in an apartment. It was summer and hot so windows had to be open. One of our neighbours came over and politely mentioned that the noise of us getting up with the baby in the night was keeping her up (she was super apologetic and acknowledged she was a light sleeper.)

We swapped our bedroom over and she was so grateful. She was a pedeatrician and in return indulged us by listening to all our pfb worries and reassuring us. I miss how great all us neighbours were to each other there.

NannyRed · 01/06/2019 15:45

They sound rude and unpleasant but a toddler running wild at 5am is not? Geeze I despair of some people. The op is bu.

Take your toddler downstairs when he wakes. 5.30 am is not a time people should be waking their neighbours.

stucknoue · 01/06/2019 15:49

Making their grievances public is wrong but 5.30am is not a reasonable time for a toddler to be making audible noise - babies fair enough, they don't know the time but toddlers be told to play quietly, read books etc but the best solution is to put them to bed later so they don't wake until 7am or so, not all toddlers want 12 hours sleep

FloatingthroughSpace · 01/06/2019 16:09

We put a TV in our room when ours were little. They used to come in and we'd put Milkshake on and doze.
Things are different now they are 17 and 15. I had to yell the 15 year old out of bed today at 3pm. 17 year old was quite reasonably up for lunch at 2pm 😂

LennyBelardo · 01/06/2019 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ballsdeep · 01/06/2019 16:50

We have neighbours like this. With my first I was so anxious because of it. They even said my singing of nursery rhymes was bothering them?! There is no way I was singing loud enough for them to hear unless they were sitting in silence listening.
They used to bang the wall constantly whenever we were making noise (any at all). My husband talked to them and they said they could hear everything
We can hear their TV, laugjibg, hoover etc it's just part of living in a semi. When we had our second it started again but now we just think sod it. Nothing we do will ever make them happy they are nightmare neighbours. I'm the summer they have the music blaring so loudly u can hear it two streets away
They are selfish and I think with certain people whatever you do won't make them happy. Toddlers are tofdler
They are noisy, loud and have tantrums. It's their problem. You shouldn't be made to feel like this in your own home

ballsdeep · 01/06/2019 16:53

@dockerdre you are a knob.
Get a grip. Babies cry. Maybe it's got some sort of medical issue. My child had sever reflux and allergies so was up screaming for hours. Did I want that? Did I hell but it's part of life I'm afraod. If you can't afford to move then put up with it

Lizzie48 · 01/06/2019 17:06

Try a gro clock.

This is one thing the OP says she did try and didn’t work.

I get that you all assume that the parents haven’t done enough, and maybe they haven’t, but, as always, posters in these threads become way too unpleasant. It’s no wonder that the OP hasn’t come back! If you want the OP to engage, don’t be so nasty, it’s not rocket science.

She hasn’t ‘flounced’, she just can’t face all the criticism, I think.

DD2 used to wake up at 5am, and did so for at least a year. It’s exhausting and you do fail to see the obvious sometimes. The OP has said that she’s lost confidence and her DH is depressed. Another reason why a kinder response was called for. (I do agree that it sounds as if they should be doing more to keep the noise down in the mornings.)

AlexaAmbidextra · 01/06/2019 17:15

You shouldn't be made to feel like this in your own home

That’s all very well until what you are doing in your own home encroaches on other people’s homes. The neighbours shouldn’t have to put up with the noise of the toddler crashing about in their home.

lily2403 · 01/06/2019 17:28

If people want no noise they should move to the middle of a field in the middle of no where.
He’s 2. People need to be able to live now if he’s blasting music then they would have a problem but waking up and running through the house. That’s what children do

Julieann1957 · 01/06/2019 17:43

You know I would tell them they live in a semidetached house, where they are bound to hear noises, they should be more tolerant, if they don’t like it they should get a detached house. It’s not like you are playing loud music or having parties, I feel sorry for you, let your little one be himself, surely they don’t expect a small child to be quiet.its impossible. Some people are so unreasonable. Poor you.

pinkstripeycat · 01/06/2019 17:43

All I can say is that my neighbour couldn’t hear mine when they were little as he was hard of hearing! I did apologise for any noise but he said he couldn’t hear any noise. We could hear his very loud TV at midnight though! Lol

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