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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that boys are just disgusting?!

98 replies

youcantchoosethem · 30/05/2019 09:20

Half term - just over half way through and I can’t wait til he goes back to school. Woke up this morning with a headache - stress related (works tough as well), and went into the bathroom, smelly wee on the seat which I didn’t check before sitting down. Put foot in wee too. Clean it, clean me, nag at DS 12 (13 in summer so Y8) and go downstairs. He has obviously already done a raid though this morning - bits of food over the kitchen tops, bin trying to close (it’s one of the electric opening ones) with a wrapper still half hanging out which just needed a push down, and he’s obviously made a hot chocolate because the drips and debris in evidence. I go back to his room and open the door to tell him off again and remind him to clean up after himself and I’ve had enough and the smell coming out of room is awful - so a rant comes out - open your window, have a shower (which you know will mean water and towels and old boxers on the bathroom floor) and clean up this bloody mess! My daughter (older) was always so clean! He is just disgusting!! Yes he does have some special needs (ADHD, DCD etc) and I give consequences - he’s limited on electronics, we’ve gone out for two days this week for activities for him and are out again today to London with tickets for BGT semi final tonight and he wants a new game - and I’ve said no you are not getting it until this room is tidy and you don’t leave things in such a state! What else can I do? Are all near teens boys like this?!

OP posts:
Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 30/05/2019 09:35

No I have bought up two boys to adulthood and never stepped in our sat in their wee. Their rooms which they are responsible for cleaning are not a health hazard as they are quite capable of cleaning, changing beds and emptying bins. Nor do they leave communal areas a mess.
And my oldest also has additional needs so it is not a matter of special needs can get away with living like a slob.

Sounds like you need to start toughening up with him and enforcing the rules you expect in your home. Not fun but you owe it to the future woman who will one day have to live with him.

LoafofSellotape · 30/05/2019 09:38

Yuck, don't think that's all boys,mine certainly wasn't like that!

SkintAsASkintThing · 30/05/2019 09:39

It's not boys, it's personality types

We have the opposite in my house, my son cleans up after himself, gets on with his household jobs, showers without being asked etc and always has.

My DD however despite only being home a couple of days a week has a room thats a complete midden, is a soap dodger and always has been despite years of apoplectic rants and sits with her feet on the toilet seat so manages to get shit on it !!!!

woodcutbirds · 30/05/2019 09:42

I think most boys go through a phase of being unaware of their surroundings (and what they do to them!) but as PPs have said - you have to pick them up on it. I don't raise my voice about it, just calmly instruct them to clean the loo, mop the bathroom, wash up the dishes etc until it's all done. They still need a lot of prompting, even in late teens.
DS2 (who has ASD) keeps him room tidy and aired. DS1 who is neurotypical - his room is a tip but smells OK.

WhatAShewOff · 30/05/2019 09:42

No. My sons are not like this. Sounds like you need to do some serious work with yours.

BlandingsEmpress · 30/05/2019 09:43

Yes, YABU. Yours may be, ours isn’t, sorry Grin

OKBobble · 30/05/2019 09:45

No - 3 boy family here. Youngest now 17. They weren't like you describe especially not their toilet habits!. Make a stand before you leave it too late. Hand him the dettox spray and cloth and get him to clean his mess every single time!!!

Hopeygoflightly · 30/05/2019 09:46

Nope! My boy wipes the seat or spills, puts dirty clothes in hamper, puts away clean clothes. When he makes a mess in the kitchen making breakfast he clears it up, puts bowl in sink, knows how to use a DustBuster.
I don’t car how ‘unaware’ he is, I have enough to do without cleaning up after lazy kids! Even the little one age 6 is doing more than your DS is seems .

Ragwort · 30/05/2019 09:46

My teenage DS’s bedroom is a tip but fortunately he has clean toilet habits Grin.

megletthesecond · 30/05/2019 09:47

Not here.
DS doesn't wee everywhere and he doesn't trash the place.

My 10yr old DD however Hmm.

JapanFan · 30/05/2019 09:48

no, DSS is 13 with ADHD & he cleans up after himself

Decormad38 · 30/05/2019 09:49

So I bet everyone has made you feel a whole load better on here!

CherryPavlova · 30/05/2019 09:50

My girls were just as likely to leave dirty mugs, cola cans or leftover food lying around. None of mine ever wee’d everywhere as children; a few splashes of vomit or unflushed ring when they’ve occasionally drunk excessively but that was rare.
My son is fastidious about hygiene. Always has been the tidiest. Even after five days and nights hiking on Dartmoor with a 38lb pack he wasn’t smelling or untidy when we picked him up.
You need to do some work around responsibility.

OldAndWornOut · 30/05/2019 09:51

I've found boys to be a whole different ball game to girls (pardon the pun!)
I seem to be constantly nagging in order to not have my home wrecked by wee, bogies, smelly pants et al.

It doesn't matter what consequences are put in place, it just doesn't seem to sink in.

fairweathercyclist · 30/05/2019 09:51

My teenage DS’s bedroom is a tip but fortunately he has clean toilet habits

This. He's a lazy slob but manages to wee in the loo and not on the floor, put the loo seat down (and the lid on the toothpaste).

Messyisthenewtidy · 30/05/2019 09:53

OP my son is also a bit like that. He doesn’t leave pee on the seat anymore (after years of pulling him back to clean it up) but he does forget to flush the loo.

I usually make comments like “oooh your pee is a bit dark today. Here have some water!” to drive the point home!

But I’m not sure the messiness is confined to boys. My parents love to tell me I was much worse. Cleaning doesn’t necessarily come any more naturally to girls. It’s just at some point in our lives we’re realistically more likely to have to do it.

Babdoc · 30/05/2019 09:53

OP, to some extent you are the architect of your own misfortune. Stop clearing up after him.
Insist that he immediately clears up his own mess. I’d have hauled him into the bathroom, handed him the cleaning spray and stood over him until the toilet was fit to be used again. I’d also have delivered a sharp lecture on the consequences of ever doing something so disgusting again.
It’s your house, your rules. If he wants to live in an unhygienic pigsty, he can do so in his own house when he’s an adult.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 30/05/2019 09:53

Boys are like this because people consistently excuse them by saying things like 'boys are like this'.

WhatAShewOff · 30/05/2019 09:55

OP — my DC have plenty of other annoying habits so don’t feel got at!!

Messyisthenewtidy · 30/05/2019 09:56

So I bet everyone has made you feel a whole load better on here!

It’s pretty normal on MN for people to pile onto a sexist title and say how perfect their kids are so as not to appear sexist and to make the OP feel like a shit parent.

But the truth is, it’s only since the loos at work have gone “gender neutral” that I’ve found myself sticking to the floor!

Messyisthenewtidy · 30/05/2019 09:59

Stop clearing up after him.
Insist that he immediately clears up his own mess.

It’s hard though isn’t it to feel in a constant battle with your kids?

Sarahjconnor · 30/05/2019 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crimsonlake · 30/05/2019 10:01

Agree I bought up 2 boys and they have never peed on the floor or seat, they have very clean toilet habits.
Rooms, that is another matter :)

BlandingsEmpress · 30/05/2019 10:01

So perfection is your son not pissing on the lavatory seat? Blimey, bit of a low bar 😂

ANewDawn10 · 30/05/2019 10:02

No its maybe just your boys. My son is 3yo and already picks up after himself as much as a 3yo should. My dh certainly isnt a pig like this.
What are you or your dh doing about it?