To think that boys are just disgusting?!

[youcantchoosethem]

Half term - just over half way through and I can’t wait til he goes back to school. Woke up this morning with a headache - stress related (works tough as well), and went into the bathroom, smelly wee on the seat which I didn’t check before sitting down. Put foot in wee too. Clean it, clean me, nag at DS 12 (13 in summer so Y8) and go downstairs. He has obviously already done a raid though this morning - bits of food over the kitchen tops, bin trying to close (it’s one of the electric opening ones) with a wrapper still half hanging out which just needed a push down, and he’s obviously made a hot chocolate because the drips and debris in evidence. I go back to his room and open the door to tell him off again and remind him to clean up after himself and I’ve had enough and the smell coming out of room is awful - so a rant comes out - open your window, have a shower (which you know will mean water and towels and old boxers on the bathroom floor) and clean up this bloody mess! My daughter (older) was always so clean! He is just disgusting!! Yes he does have some special needs (ADHD, DCD etc) and I give consequences - he’s limited on electronics, we’ve gone out for two days this week for activities for him and are out again today to London with tickets for BGT semi final tonight and he wants a new game - and I’ve said no you are not getting it until this room is tidy and you don’t leave things in such a state! What else can I do? Are all near teens boys like this?!

I do all of the things everyone is saying to do.
Constantly. Every day.

Aww OP. Don't you just love it when you really just want to rant and share tales of teenage squalor and the first few posters don't have teenage boys. They in fact have birthed angel boys who smell of ambrosia and pee nectar. Whose every thought is to make like wonderful for their saintly mothers.

And of course the messy surfaces and pissy loo are a direct result of your poor parenting and lack of boundary settings- nothing at all to do with the normal teenage hormones kicking in- and the natural tendency for just about every male not to totally control his urinary spray.

And of course you need to tackle this with a firm hand because otherwise your mucky little pup is going to evolve into a big dirty dog who doesn't respect women and will be an awful partner....

Hugs OP and just breathe through your mouth when you enter his room

My ds is untidy but nothing like that .
I make him tidy up after himself , simple

Obviously you're being U. Your particular child isn't clearing up after himself atm. It's not because they're a boy :-/

If you want a 'disgusting bedroom' battle, come and see my DDs on a bad day

Of course, kids pick on reinforced gender stereotypes, so you may want to think about what they are being socialised into, and adjust for it.

YABVU my boys are not disgusting and yours obviously doesn’t know how to be anything else.

Assumptions like this really hack me off, so much judgement towards the boys and yet we hint at girls being even remotely stereotypical and we’re being offensive.

This has nothing to do with boys, maybe it’s a self fulfilling prophecy with your boy if you display that attitude and compare him to your DD?

Tell him what you expect in a calm way. When you have a wee I want you to clean any which is splashed on floor or seat. When you make a drink mop up any spills. Do it every time for a week or two and make him do it. Then when it isn't done say, what did I say about spilled drinks? Go and clear it up then and don't make me tell you again.
Long rants do no good, however difficult to resist. Just keep on each individual thing, perhaps one or two at a time, like training dogs.

I have a nearly 12 year old and an 8 year old son plus a nearly 14 year old daughter.

The boys'bedrooms are messier, but DD didn't really start keeping hers beautifully tidy until a couple of years ago, and she's more likely to leave stuff lying on the kitchen table than her brothers. Ds1 is more likely to leave a plate or bowl on the table instead of putting it in the dishwasher than DD or DS2 but gets told every time.

I don't think this is chromasomal, I think you're letting him get away with it.

3 males live in this house and none pee on the seat or floor, ever. My boys sit down to pee at home although I've never told them to - this is what DH does they probably unconciously copied. I made sure they knew they could pee standing up when potty training - they use urinals at school but sitting is probably better at home. I remember reminding them to point willy into the toilet while sitting on it so the pee would go into the toilet when they were 2 years old!

You've missed the boat a bit as you obviously haven't done some things most people do at toddler age, but you need to call him out every time and get him sorted out before he launches into the world as he is!

Boys are like this because people consistently excuse them by saying things like 'boys are like this'

This. Then they clean up after them because well, boys aren’t going to do it, boys don’t see dirt like girls do..

Then they move in with some poor girl and the cycle repeats itself....

I’ve lived in many house shares and not really noticed a gender split. Some girls are slobs, some boys are clean freaks.

YABU. Just your boys. I have 2 boys and I teach them how to behave and live like civilised people

I am one of four children, three girls and one boy. My brother is the cleanest and tidiest one.

My husband is also much tidier and cleaner than I am!!

I've managed to raise three boys to adulthood without them being filthy, messy specimens. Boys are not disgusting.

YABU!
DD was a slattern as a teen, mouldy cups, pizza boxes under the bed, empty wardrobe as clothes were piled everywhere. Make up and hair products everywhere, beautiful oak flooring ruined due to bloody straighteners. Around once a month she would dump huge piles of clothes on the utility room floor expecting the laundry fairy to do her washing. If she did use the washing machine it would be clogged with straw and hay afterwards (she works with horses)
She’s now 23 and lives with her partner, her house is pristine.
DS has SN and keeps his bedroom immaculate. He doesn’t pee all over the seat because he’s a sitter downer. He takes his empty plates to the sink and puts his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper.

@Messyisthenewtidy

It’s pretty normal on MN for people to pile onto a sexist title and say how perfect their kids are so as not to appear sexist and to make the OP feel like a shit parent.

But the truth is, it’s only since the loos at work have gone “gender neutral” that I’ve found myself sticking to the floor!

🤢🤮 Gross!

So, to the people whose girls were worse, is that due to some huge failures in their upbringing then?

Messyisthenewtidy the men using the newly "gender neutral" toilets behave like pigs because, as IAmAlwaysLikeThis says, they've got away with it since they were little boys because society expects girls to be clean and tidy and kind and think of others and boys to be lovably dopey, uncomplicated, unaware and messy because they "just don't notice". You see it time and again on MN threads about how great or how disgusting boys are, just a different slant on the same self fulfilling prophecy.

There are loads of reasons gender neutral toilets are a shitty idea, mess only being a minor one in the scheme of things, but men's disgusting toilet behaviour is socialised into them by parents and wider society not expecting anything else from toilet training onwards.

Yes, my 12 year old DS is like this, neurotypical but has anxiety/anger issues, waiting for referal. Clothes left on the floor, wee on the sea, skid marks, food left in his room, soap dodger, tooth brush dodger. Lots of arguments. try to enforce. Sometimes its a case of picking your battles

But the truth is, it’s only since the loos at work have gone “gender neutral” that I’ve found myself sticking to the floor!

Can’t be much worse than female only loos where every seat has wee on it from the hoverers who don’t clean up after themselves.

Oh, the hoverers

My little boy is less disgusting than his sister, she could make a mess in an empty room. She bites her toenails.

Does she at least have the decency to eat them?

My boys are just as disgusting. Despite me calling them back every time to clear up after themselves.

Both autistic, one with LD's.

The one with LDs poo smears everywhere too.

It’s hard though isn’t it to feel in a constant battle with your kids?

It's hard, but once it's done, maintaining it is much better than never getting it sorted. DP has this issue - rather than being consistent and firm on things, he lets stuff ride, or does it for them so they take advantage. I take the hit to enforce always bringing their plate to the kitchen, or putting their socks in a wash basket, and whilst it's horrible for a couple of months and I feel like a broken record, and that it would be quicker to just do it myself, eventually it becomes a habit for them, and I don't have to do it, or tell them to do it, and life is easy (at least in regards to filling the dishwasher or whatever)

Mine are a work in progress. DS2 is a lazy toad (TBF, he's only 5, and short, so wees on tiptoes - flat refuses to sit down these days) but he's just about cured of leaving wee on the seat. Unfortunately still doesn't flush, but we have old toilets and he can't physically push the flush hard enough to do it, so he gets a break.

We don’t have gender neutral toilets at work and yet we still have had reminders from management to put used sanitary wear in the bins provided and to clean up after ourselves.
In fact the loos are so gross and As i only work a short shift that I still try not to use them.
Can’t comment on the state of the gents as I have never been in there but believe me the women’s is rank.

well my boy is the same. He's now 17. It gets better but very slowly.

Oh and he was an angel at 3, putting things away, tidying up after himself. He was so OCD that he would have to eat his food separately (still does). What I mean is vegetable no 1, Vegetable no 2, ptotates then meat. So things like shepherds pies and lasagnes are off his list to eat. He's not autistic, or anything just a little particular.

My little boy is less disgusting than his sister, she could make a mess in an empty room. She bites her toenails

Oh, this did make me laugh.