To think that boys are just disgusting?!

[youcantchoosethem]

Half term - just over half way through and I can’t wait til he goes back to school. Woke up this morning with a headache - stress related (works tough as well), and went into the bathroom, smelly wee on the seat which I didn’t check before sitting down. Put foot in wee too. Clean it, clean me, nag at DS 12 (13 in summer so Y8) and go downstairs. He has obviously already done a raid though this morning - bits of food over the kitchen tops, bin trying to close (it’s one of the electric opening ones) with a wrapper still half hanging out which just needed a push down, and he’s obviously made a hot chocolate because the drips and debris in evidence. I go back to his room and open the door to tell him off again and remind him to clean up after himself and I’ve had enough and the smell coming out of room is awful - so a rant comes out - open your window, have a shower (which you know will mean water and towels and old boxers on the bathroom floor) and clean up this bloody mess! My daughter (older) was always so clean! He is just disgusting!! Yes he does have some special needs (ADHD, DCD etc) and I give consequences - he’s limited on electronics, we’ve gone out for two days this week for activities for him and are out again today to London with tickets for BGT semi final tonight and he wants a new game - and I’ve said no you are not getting it until this room is tidy and you don’t leave things in such a state! What else can I do? Are all near teens boys like this?!

I only have one ds and he is pretty tidy, I have never had to clean up wee after him. I have two messy girls and two tidy girls also, messiness is not a sex/gender thing. Even my messy two wouldn't leave the kitchen or bathroom in a state or expect me to clean up after them, I am not a bloody maid.

Firm not form

Having said that they can have their bedrooms as untidy as they like, as long as they don't eat in their rooms and dirty washing is put in the basket.

Agree with others, make him do it, every time. Call him back to clean up the toilet, the seat, the floor, anything he's spilt. Not in an unkind, ranty way, just in a calm way - we clean up mes we've made, unless there's a good reason not to.

I have a 13yo boy with DCD and possible ASD and he's naturally very messy. (And while I don't think it's a boy thing to be messy, there is a toilet issue that girls don't have, with getting the aim right.)

Every time there's a mess, he gets called back to clean it up - in a matter-of-fact way, like he just needs to be reminded. He does it - but if he refused there would be consequences like I'd turn the wifi off until he did.

Same for his sister, and they both have chores. My son is also learning to cook and makes the tea once a week. These are basic skills for when you leave home and have to look after yourself, or live with others.

However I make less of a fuss about a tidy room. It's his space where he can be his messy self. I do tell him to put rubbish in the bin and bring out any cups and plates, but that's all.

I thought you were going to say he was 5 or 6yrs. My DS was a little like this (poor bathroom etiquette) at that age but not now he’s a teenager. Yuck! No excuse for that at 13. The messy bedroom is one thing (although DD’s is far worse than either of her brothers) but there would be serious trouble if anyone over the age of 7 was depositing urine anywhere other than in the bowl.

@BishopBrennansArse

Are your teens cleaning it up every time?

How did you get the BGT tickets? I tried through a site called Applause that said they were available but then I've had no tickets sent through so not sure if there's another place I should look (even for next year).

Sorry no help on the wee front!

@ThatCurlyGirl oh yes the “muuuuuuummmmm” screams this week trying to find xyz or can you make me.... reply: no you can make it and clean up afterwards - I’m busy you’re not!

I remember the Large family books - the children tidy up, then Mrs Large tidies up again.... oh yes!

Yes....

@TheWaiting he was so much better at 5/6!

My teen (14) DS is nothing like this, fastidious with his cleanliness about the house and his hygiene/appearance generally. My DD on the other hand .... we've only recently recovered from used unwrapped sanitary towels left about the bathroom -gate.

It's not boys it's personality types
Yes this.

The defensiveness coming at those who don't have disgustingly messy boys is interesting though. I have only one of each and taught them both the same basic hygiene so ... luck of the draw I say.

@Birdsonginthetrees ours were through applause store - have had some before for other shoes also on SRO audiences - been pretty successful this year but never any guarantees. Been to Michael McIntyre twice, Bake Off after show, Live at the Apollo twice, and a few others. Good fun though lots of waiting around. Have to go early to swap your tickets for seat tickets so make a day of it.

I think a thread title like this really does our boys and young men a disservice. Yes the behaviour you describe is disgusting, but I’m pretty sure it’s not gendered. And maybe the rise in depression and other mental health issues (and remember suicide is the main killer of 16-25 year old males) isn’t surprising if this is the narrative they are hearing.
Can you imagine the outrage if there was a thread on dadsnet “AIBU to say that all teen girls are sluts?”

I'm a bit shocked by the thread title! Let's just say my sister always leaves her front door wide open, can't manage money, won't have her car serviced and feeds her kids nothing but junk food. How long would a thread entitled

AIBU to think women are stupid?!

last?

It's not boys, it's personality types

Totally this. I'm a horrendous cleaner now, and when I was your sons age I'm pretty sure the countertop would have been worse than that!! The per thing needs to be hammered home, my kids walked in on a pissy toilet enough times and I told them to go talk to your brothers. They stopped and all clean after themselves. Just do the would you like to sit in ... and hand him the cleaner. He doesn't clean then there's consequences

Cold Tatty - snap!

By the way totally agree with Fiddlesticks , a bit strong saying he's disgusting

I have twin teenage DGSs and they are completely different in many ways including tidiness and hygiene. I have learnt over the course of the past 14 years that much is down to inherent personality and not just parenting.

DS used to pee everywhere with abandon. I got so fed up with it that I made him clean the bathroom every time I found it in a state. He is very housetrained now.

Yes and no. Toilet absolutely disgusting due to boys (right from young through to adult).

After much yelling and shouting and handing over of bleach, gloves, boiling water and scrubbing brush I discovered the problem. This was due to shadowing and militantly checking toilet the minute they finished in the hope of identifying the filthy culprit.

Turns out that of a day they are spotless. However, when they get up in the middle of the night it’s a pitiful scene, wee everywhere. I have observed and they have eyes closed, swaying etc so basically wee’ing in their sleep. Same thing if they get up early morning before being awake properly. I can only get them to scrub the damn thing, doesn’t address the root cause of the problem.

Apologies for the gender assumption - I was just comparing my DS with my older DD - and lately yes he has been pretty disgusting!

I just love it when I see the posters coming out with "my 3 year old is very house trained, he helps put the laundry in the machine, and folds up the clean laundry ....." .... yes they all did this at bloody 3 .... just wait until they're teenagers.