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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking dogs to be on leads

97 replies

Azuresilver · 29/05/2019 20:29

My son is scared of dogs. We've done our best to try to get him used to them but he is still scared when they run up to him. Today we were sitting outside a cafe, which is popular with dog owners, it is the only one in our local park. Some people with a dog came to sit at the next table and allowed the dog to run around freely. It came over, sniffing under our table. My son stood up and tried to hide behind my chair. I asked them to keep the dog away, explaining that my son was scared.

They put the dog on the lead rather grumpily. A friend came over with his dog on a lead, to chat to me. The people at the next table then let their dog go (with the lead trailing), so it went straight under our table again. My son again moved away. I looked across and the owner asked me "Doesn't he mind the other dogs?". I ended up apologising, gulping my drink down and leaving with my son (and friend with his well behaved and under control dog).

AIBU expecting people to keep their dogs away from our table in a cafe?

OP posts:

CustardCreamLover · 29/05/2019 20:31

I think that as you know the cafe is popular with dog owners then yes, in this case you ABU.

However I do understand that your son could be more.comfortsble with dogs he knows that those he doesn't. I think that it would be polite of other dog owners to understand this as well. I think I would if I was a dog owner and someone asked me to keep my dog on a lead.

Original poster

Azuresilver · 29/05/2019 20:33

I thought I was going to get the answer that I shouldn't go to the cafe. What are we meant do when we fancy a snack and a drink? It is the only there (in the OP).

OP posts:

Saucery · 29/05/2019 20:33

They let their dog go on purpose, I bet. Arseholes.
YANBU. Even in our local, very doggy cafe, all dogs are on leads and by/under tables, not getting in anyone’s way.

Saucery · 29/05/2019 20:36

Is there not a sign up asking for dogs to be on leads? I wouldn’t like to be waiting-on staff there, trying to negotiate dogs ambling about. When it comes down to it though, the cafe are going to pander to the visitors who bring in the most money and if it’s a cafe in a park, that’s probably going to be the dog owners.

GertrudeCB · 29/05/2019 20:38

I have a dog, exercise him in approved places off lead. On no account would I let him roam free around a cafe. YADNBU

Xyzzzzz · 29/05/2019 20:38

I agree dogs should be on leads.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 29/05/2019 20:39

YABVU to voluntarily go to a known dog-friendly cafe and expect dog owners to kowtow to you.

Furthermore, your son is scared for some reason but ultimately it is down to parents to manage and model appropriate behaviour. You seem to just be letting him be scared as if you have no input at all. That is not good parenting.

geekone · 29/05/2019 20:39

YANBU and normally I would be in here defending the dog. However dogs in cafes should be on leads, I would never let my dog roam round s cafe willy nilly.
On a lead and behaving however in a cafe is fine.

Pipandmum · 29/05/2019 20:41

I have two dogs and one is overly friendly. He goes up to everyone and tries to jump up and ‘kiss’ them. My other one is much more cautious and also much more obedient. So dog number one is kept on a leash unless I know there’s no one around. Dog number two us usually off. At our local dog friendly cafe I’d keep my dog on a very short leash, the other dog not in a leash but she sticks to me. If I saw a person who was scared or especially if I was asked I’d for sure have both dogs on short leads. Bringing a dog to a cafe is a privilege not a right. Humans always trump dogs.

Laiste · 29/05/2019 20:41

Y were NBU to ask them to keep their dog on a lead while sitting at a cafe table and they were being U to let their dog wander to your table. They were then were bullish arseholes to let it go a second time.

MsVestibule · 29/05/2019 20:41

In that situation, unless a dog can be 100% relied upon to sit under the owner's table, they should definitely be on a lead. They were being arsey and you shouldn't have felt the need to apologise.

HomeMadeMadness · 29/05/2019 20:43

YANBU dog friendly cafe means dogs can come in not that they can run under other people's tables when they've been asked not to. Same thing as a kid friendly cafe - it means kids can come in, it doesn't mean they can run around and approach other people.

Teacakeandalatte · 29/05/2019 20:43

I don't agree with the others most owners would be happy to put their dog on a lead in this situation. Most people keep their dog completely under control in a dog friendly cafe or pub and generally on the lead if the dog is one that wouldn't sit quietly by their table.

geekone · 29/05/2019 20:43

@BuzzShitbagBobbly YATOBU here.

Fear isn’t something you can parent away and actually going to a dog friendly cafe is a good idea to help with that fear.

I would not want a dog to be roaming about under my table when I am having lunch, especially if I have my dog with me. Dogs inside cafes or public buildings need to be kept on leads and owners need to keep control.

Isbrexitoveryet · 29/05/2019 20:43

I am probably the most pro dog person on mumsnet and even I can see ywnbu
Also a Child scared of strange animals under no control but less scared of animals on leads with trusted adults is not bloody rocket science

Shame Dc is scared of dogs though, they can be everywhere, when I worked in an EYFS setting there were a few kids doing bits of exposure work on common phobias like cats dogs and trucks it was brilliant.

Disfordarkchocolate · 29/05/2019 20:44

We had to leave a cafe recently, dog inside snarling and baring its teeth at anyone near it, a dog outside crying like it was in pain. Both sets of owners not bothered.

Crimebustersofthesea · 29/05/2019 20:45

I've got a dog but I don't think YABU at all. Just because the cafe is popular with dog walkers doesn't mean it's just for dogs/dog lovers. Dogs should be on a lead in a cafe, people are walking round with hot drinks etc, it's not ideal for people or dogs.

Laiste · 29/05/2019 20:47

There's going to be a minority of posters on here wondering why they should ''kowtow'' by keeping their animals under control. There always is on dog threads. No surprise.

What i find myself genuinely wondering is this though:

does the fact they find themselves in such a minority ever make them think twice about their opinion?

Soubriquet · 29/05/2019 20:47

Of course you aren’t unreasonable

Some people just don’t care!

And I’ve got 2 dogs! I wouldn’t let them go loose if someone told me they were frightened.

I might have initially let them come to say hello, as yes I would assume you would be ok as it’s a popular cafe with dogs, but as soon as I spotted someone flinching away, they would be stopped immediately

ilikemethewayiam · 29/05/2019 20:47

I have a very large dog who is so well behaved and responsive to commands but I wouldn’t want him to head toward a small child and frighten him. I love dogs but get that they can be frightening to children who are not used to them. I would keep my dog on his lead and close to me so as not to bother people.

Booboostwo · 29/05/2019 20:48

I take my dogs to dog friendly cafes but I would never allow them to run around off lead and I would certainly never allow them to approach someone who was visibly scared by them.

Bloke23 · 29/05/2019 20:48

My dog will be on the lead in local parks, but if I go to big woods or fields the dog is off the lead, although my dog won't run up to people, his not interested

Drum2018 · 29/05/2019 20:48

YANBU - I don't think it's appropriate for a dog to be off lead at a cafe.
As regards your son and his fear, please, please get professional help for him to overcome this. I had classes with a dog trainer. She did a few classes with 3 of us who were terrified of dogs. It changed my attitude completely and while I wouldn't rush to pet a strange dog now, I no longer break into a sweat if I see a dog Check out local dog trainers and see if they can help.

Toooldtobearsed2 · 29/05/2019 20:50

I have two labradors. They are well trained and well behaved. However, in cafes/pubs/public places they are ALWAYS on a lead.
Why wouldn't they be? It makes no difference to them, they would just be lying under the table praying for food to drop or asleep at my feet.
I doubt they even realise they are restrained, but it means everyone round us can relax (I know that not everyone likes dogs), and I dont even have to spare a thought for where they are.
I adore my two. I would never inflict them on anyone else.

WiddlinDiddlin · 29/05/2019 20:51

You are not really asking dogs to be on leads though.. its dogs to be visibly under control and not free ranging approaching people who may not like it?

YANBU..

As long as you don't mind dogs being there, walking past on lead not sniffing or trying to reach you etc, I really don't see anything unreasonable about asking that people keep their dogs under control, ie, not approaching other people, not wandering about freely.

Bloke23 The OP is not talking about the woods or fields, she is talking about a cafe!

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