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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking dogs to be on leads

97 replies

Azuresilver · 29/05/2019 20:29

My son is scared of dogs. We've done our best to try to get him used to them but he is still scared when they run up to him. Today we were sitting outside a cafe, which is popular with dog owners, it is the only one in our local park. Some people with a dog came to sit at the next table and allowed the dog to run around freely. It came over, sniffing under our table. My son stood up and tried to hide behind my chair. I asked them to keep the dog away, explaining that my son was scared.

They put the dog on the lead rather grumpily. A friend came over with his dog on a lead, to chat to me. The people at the next table then let their dog go (with the lead trailing), so it went straight under our table again. My son again moved away. I looked across and the owner asked me "Doesn't he mind the other dogs?". I ended up apologising, gulping my drink down and leaving with my son (and friend with his well behaved and under control dog).

AIBU expecting people to keep their dogs away from our table in a cafe?

OP posts:

Slicedpineapple · 30/05/2019 08:08

noodlenosefraggle if most of their custom comes from dog walkers then this would probably be something they want to avoid doing. The dog wasn't bounding about all over the place.

And it was outside. If it was inside it would probably be a different story. Outside you run the risk off dogs playing in the park coming over, anyway.

noodlenosefraggle · 30/05/2019 08:37

All the cafes I've been to with my dog have stipulated dogs on leads, even when sitting outside the cafe with no issues I know of. They also have fenced off areas where it is clearly the outside space of the cafe and still have people clearing tables and walking around with hot drinks. Obviously if its just openly in the park that's different.

contentedsoul · 30/05/2019 08:37

I just don't like dogs at all, really don't. Not that I'm scared of them - I just don't like the silly pandering to them. Makes me feel sick when I see people letting their dogs lick their faces!
If we go out I always move as far away as possible when someone passes with a dog.

Yes, please keep them on a lead. If one were to jump up at me, I honestly don't know how I would react.

Just do not like them at all!

Feffylith · 30/05/2019 09:22

I have multiple dogs (and work with them) and I couldn't be without them but I don't assume everyone else wants to be around them. Dog owners that don't think the same really pi** me off. Just because you're happy for your dog to jump all over you, doesn't mean other people do. Even had someone's dog jump up on my car the other day when I had to drive slowly past them as they couldn't be arsed to put it on the lead. Idiots.

fairweathercyclist · 30/05/2019 09:37

I also agree dog should be on leads in public places - certainly in cafes! Query whether they should be in cafes at all unless they have an outdoor area.

They'd be the first to complain about "poor parenting" if toddlers starting running around hassling other cafe users so why is it ok for dogs to do it?

crazycatgal · 30/05/2019 09:48

@fairweathercyclist Why does OP need to query whether dogs should be in the cafe at all? The owners have obviously decided that they are running a dog friendly cafe and must get a lot of business from dog walkers. The OP would look like a twat going in and moaning about having dogs in the cafe.

Slicedpineapple · 30/05/2019 10:07

fairweathercyclist the OP has said that they were sat outside. But a lot of cafes allow dogs. In certain areas, dog walkers are a big source of trade.
Virtually everywhere around me allows dogs either in the whole cafe or certain areas, because of the amount of dog walkers/owners in my town. The ones that don't have substantially less custom.

Cherrysoup · 30/05/2019 10:13

Owners were idiots. They saw your child was scared then still let him off again. Dumb. There is surely a dogs must be on lead rule inside the cafe?

IHeartArya · 30/05/2019 10:14

Same here sliced lots of dog friendly cafes inside & out!

Nesssie · 30/05/2019 10:19

Dog lover, dog owner, dog law related career - YANBU

Dogs should be under control. The dog clearly could not be trusted to stay by the owners of his own accord and therefore should be kept on a lead. No one should be forced to interact with a dog.

My Mum is scared of strangers dogs, so would be fine with my dog sitting by her but would not be comfortable with other peoples dogs coming up.

Nesssie · 30/05/2019 10:21

And 'dog friendly' doesn't mean dogs can do what they want and fuck anyone else.

contentedsoul · 30/05/2019 10:34

@Nessie
But that's the sheer arrogance that dog owners have these days.

I live next to church and everyday lazy selfish dog owners walk their dogs into the church grounds and allow them to shit and piss where they please, church steps, paths, war memorial, wreaths etc etc
The vicar put new gates up, but still they came, so put signs up saying no dogs - totally ignored! Like many neighbours I've asked the dog owners to respect the vicars no dog policy and have been told to fuck off!!

Fine, I intend to video all and upload to YouTube and Facebook - let's see how their family and work colleagues react to the filthy lazy bastards.
Your dog, let it shit in your garden!!

IHeartArya · 30/05/2019 10:41

I’m a dog owner, I’m not arrogant. If it says no dogs then it’s no dogs. Clearly some people can’t read. It’s rude behaviour that’s the issue not specifically confined to dog owners!

YogaDrone · 30/05/2019 10:52

I would talk to the café manager and ask them to put up a sign to say that dogs need to be kept on a short lead at all times.

If I take my dog to a café we sit as far away from other people as possible because she's a food obsessed Labrador who loves children. She has learned that small children in cafes generally means dropped food! She is always on a short lead in cafes.

Some people are arses. Some of these people own dogs.

It's good that you are working on your son's dislike of dogs OP. My son was wary of dogs for a few years but socialisation (and getting our own dog) really helped get him over his reservations.

pocketcucco · 30/05/2019 11:07

I'm a huge dog lover and have two large dogs of my own. I let them off lead to play but AS SOON as I see another person or dog I pop them on the led as I know not everyone likes dogs. And my dogs are quite big and "scary" looking (as much as they are absolute sweethearts!). This is also for my own dogs' safety as much as anyone else's. I wouldn't want my 4.5 stone dog to knock anyone over in excitement then end up branded a "danger". I also think it's quite rude to have a dog off lead around a cafe area. The dog should have been on a lead and should have been sitting next to the owners not bothering anyone.

I am about to adopt a pug also which is a far cry from my big "scary" dogs (a boxer and a staffy x rottweiler) and I would so the same. On lead in public places, and straight back on the lead if off when people / other dogs appear. This just sounds like irresponsible dog ownership to me. I hope your son isn't too put off and can learn to love and trust doggies in the future! :)

fairydustandpixies · 30/05/2019 11:09

Why on earth would anyone have a dog off the lead at a cafe, dog friendly or not? My pooch is always on the lead in cafes otherwise he hoovers the floor for crumbs and titbits and tries to rummage in people's bags

When he is off the lead in parks, open places, whatever, I always call him to me/put his lead on when I see people approaching or if other dog owners have a dog that they put on a lead when seeing mine. Surely just good manners? My stinky hound is my best friend but it doesn't mean that everyone else likes him!

Veterinari · 30/05/2019 12:01

Why on earth would anyone have a dog off the lead at a cafe, dog friendly or not? My pooch is always on the lead in cafes

I’m guessing because they weren’t in the cafe? But in the outside area which is open to the park

ishouldbedoingsomework · 30/05/2019 12:24

Any dog in a cafe should be either on a lead or under close control under the table.
I would also add, any dog in any public place, if not on the lead, should most definitely not be approaching other people/dogs without the owner asking permission first.
If the dog can't be properly recalled, it should be on the lead wherever it is.

SweetNorthernRose · 30/05/2019 13:01

There's no way i would have my dog off lead at a cafe. It's just basic respect for other customers who, dog lovers or not, want to enjoy their drink/snack in peace (as do i!) without a dog scaring them/jumping and slobbering on them/trying to steal their food. YADNBU.

CapybarasLoveCake · 30/05/2019 16:50

Doesn’t matter if outside or inside, anywhere near food I put her on the lead. I’ve just been to a local park with my dc and dog. Some families were sitting on the grass picnicking so there was no way my dog was coming off the lead. She’s very food orientated and would be straight over. No one wants a dog bouncing over a picnic, including me.

Original poster

Azuresilver · 31/05/2019 00:24

"I do think the other table were rude but to be honest i’d Probably be a bit hmm at someone who had chosen to sit their dog-phobic DS in an area where dogs roam freely, and to interact with a dog on a lead, who then became upset that a different dog was near their DS. It does seem rather inconsistent"

I was sitting at the cafe's own tables in a paved area directly outside the cafe. I don't feel that this is an area where dogs should 'roam freely', and they weren't until people came and sat next to us and let their dog wander around under our table. Why is it inconsistent for me to chat to a friend with an on lead well behaved dog? If my friend's dog had climbed all over my son and neither of us had reacted, then I could see that might be inconsistent. However that was not the case.

As I've said several times before, this is the only cafe in our park. Lots of dog walkers use the park and I can understand why the cafe encourages their custom. I don't think that should mean that other people need to put up with dogs in their space but was looking for other people's views.

At least 90% of people seem to think that dogs should be under control in a cafe, which is good and I'll think about how to avoid a situation like this in the future, or at least feel more confident that it is the inconsiderate owners that are at fault, not us.

OP posts:

Tavannach · 31/05/2019 00:31

When I had a dog I wouldn't have let it roam freely in somewhere like a cafe with children (who can be unpredictable, especially if they're scared of dogs). The dog was trained to sit and stay by our table. If the dog hadn't been able to do that it would have been kept on the lead.

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