Genuinely not sure who is BU so think I need to ask opinions of people that are non biased. Going to try to paint a realistic picture of the situation to avoid drip feeding. DH and I pay all bill money into a joint account and then agree an amount to put into the joint savings every month as this varies depending on commission etc. The rest is split roughly 55/45 (higher amount to me) as I am a SAHM so the extra money is to cover play groups etc. The reason we split the money into our separate accounts is because we spend our money on COMPLETELY different things and this has always worked really well for us, it means we are both free to spend it all or save some into our own savings if we want. We both put an amount into the joint account a month that covers clothes for the children if they need, everything is very fair.
Now the problem. We tend to split the cost of presents for family 50/50 when they arise BUT our mums birthdays are literally within days of each other so we have always just paid for our own as we would always roughly spend about the same, somewhere between £40-£60 just depending on whether we were having a tighter month or what they actually wanted. This year though it’s a special birthday for his mum. In the past when it has been either of my parents or DB specials birthdays I have spent around £100. Sometimes I have asked him to maybe contribute a little more than usual and sometimes not. It’s just depends on financially what else I have on that month. He is spending what I think is a ridiculous amount, around £180. I’m upset because I feel like this isn’t from him, it’s from us as a family and I feel that it sets a precedence for the future for my parents. I can’t imagine being able to spend that next year for my dads special birthday but it seems unfair that his mum gets a present that is nearly double what my parents get. His argument is that it’s his mum, he isn’t asking me to contribute anything apart from £20 (our portion of what the cake is costing) and if he has chosen to not save much this month or not go out etc and spend it on his mum that is up to him and that if I don’t want to for my dad or mum in the future then that’s also fair enough. What I think that should happen is that as it’s a special birthday regardless of who is spending the money it should still be a conversation as it’s a representation of our family and isn’t just from him. Aibu or is he?