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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no, you can't pet the dog

112 replies

SheLoves · 29/05/2019 15:08

I've been working hard to train my very excitable and large rescue puppy, she pulls/lunges and will jump up on strangers to say hi - her paws will easily reach a child's face.

She's amazing in the house and has come far, she has now stopped jumping up at visitors, she knows she'll only get fuss once all four paws are on the floor.

But she has very little no impulse control when we're out and about, but to strangers she looks adorable - wagging tail, happy face, pulling to meet them. 'Oh what a lovely dog! Awwww HELLO, HELLO!' Which makes the bloody pup 100 times worse Angry

She's in a double lead harness so I have full control, and can tell when she's getting worked up and I distract with treats/go a different way/give lots of space.

I've had to get really harsh as I want to train her that pulling/jumping/high excitement does not get fuss, so I've started saying no when people approach her (even if I've quite obviously moved away from them).

It's half term so the amount of kids happily playing around the area has exploded and the pup draws a lot of attention. I have to say 'sorry, she's a puppy and she's learning so until she's very good you can't fuss her yet but hopefully next time' - usually the kids ask a few questions (what does she eat? children and what is she? exhausting and that's that - controlled dog, no reward for her pulling/over excitement.

The problem is when the parents are with the kids! I've had quite a few 'no need to be rude' or 'well my daughter loves dogs she wouldn't mind' and bitchy death looks from adults.

I'm sure you would mind if my puppy put a claw in your daughter's eye or scraped her face!

I'm just trying to be a responsible dog owner. AIBU to feel I can't do wrong for right? Any advice what I can say that might be better received?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Vulpine · 29/05/2019 15:10

Just say she bites

TurboTeddy · 29/05/2019 15:15

God save us from people that think you're being rude when you're trying to train. I think you are damned if you do and damned if you don't, for everyone OK with a dog jumping up you will find someone who would be very annoyed by it, particularly if puppy left muddy paw prints. Ignore them and stick to your guns. A well trained dog is a joy to take out. You are being responsible (thank you) and you are not being unreasonable.

Pipandmum · 29/05/2019 15:16

Get a coat for your dog that says: ‘in training please keep back’ until you are comfortable - you can get these on Amazon. I’ve seen this kind of thing on dogs being trained as service dogs and others so not so unusual.

BossAssBitch · 29/05/2019 15:17

Aww I'm one of those people (annoying ones who would want to pet your dog) and I would think you were really grumpy if you said no... however, if you told me she's going through a bitey stage and has very sharp teeth, I would quite understand! I think you need to just say this to parents.

Original poster
SheLoves · 29/05/2019 15:17

A coat is a great idea!

OP posts:
Nesssie · 29/05/2019 15:17

'No thank you, we are in training'
'please do not approach'
'fuck off you deaf muppet'

In that order

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 15:18

I have a similar problem, harness, treats, loud voice - can you be a performance puppy owner? - and still someone's little darling cries if I say no.

Thankfully just as many people explain to their kids the whys and why nots of it.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 29/05/2019 15:19

You have the wrong puppy. We had a rotty that nobody wanted to stroke!!

TurboTeddy · 29/05/2019 15:19

Pip Thanks for that info, wish I'd known that when I got my rescue. I googled all sorts of obscure pet kit (doggie booster seat!) but my imagination didn't extend that far.

Nesssie · 29/05/2019 15:19

BossAssBitch why should she have to lie and make her dog out to be aggressive? If the owner says no, they shouldn't have to give you any reason.

werideatdawn · 29/05/2019 15:19

Say she's contagious. Don't go into specifics.

SemperIdem · 29/05/2019 15:20

Yanbu!

I don’t currently own a dog but I do have a young child. I’ve taught her to always ask before she pets any dog (though I prefer her not to do that really), but fully understand why some owners say no and respect that. I owned a difficult (and beautiful) dog in the past. Taking her for walks during half terms was a stressful business.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 29/05/2019 15:21

can you be a performance puppy owner

Hilarious! And yes!

We bought the puppy a coat and lead that say IN TRAINING in huge letters. It's a pain because he loves floating off in the stream and isn't allowed to when he has his coat on, but it works to keep people away (he's lovely, but very demanding and if given an inch would take a mile). It's really helped.

Original poster
SheLoves · 29/05/2019 15:21

if you told me she's going through a bitey stage and has very sharp teeth

Actually that's 100% true so I could switch to saying that too :)

Urg I know I'm the same, I love it when a dog comes up to say hello if I'm out and about, but I don't appreciate dogs that jump up. Or rather, the owners that let them.

I want my pup to have great manners and I'm teaching her to 'bow' before being fussed, so hopefully eventually instead of jumping and lunging she'll calmly bow at strangers/children... dreams

OP posts:
BossAssBitch · 29/05/2019 15:22

Nesssie

BossAssBitch why should she have to lie and make her dog out to be aggressive? If the owner says no, they shouldn't have to give you any reason

It was just a suggestion Hmm Saying a puppy is going through a bitey stage, as most puppies do, is hardly stating that the dog is aggressive, I think most people would grasp that

LemonTreeLemon · 29/05/2019 15:24

If you don't want to put a coat on, you can also get leads that convey a similar message.

To say no, you can't pet the dog
SnugglySnerd · 29/05/2019 15:24

I'm pleased you are doing this as both my dds are very wary of dogs having been jumped up on before. The 2 year old is quite nervous and hides behind me when she sees a dog. I much prefer your approach than the owners like we met in the park today who let their dogs run up to small, obviously wary children whilst breezily saying "he's just being friendly"!
Stuff what anybody else thinks. You are being a responsible and considerate owner.

Gravelface · 29/05/2019 15:26

@SheLoves

I have a giant breed and feel your pain. Whilst a puppy she was of huge interest when out and about and it didn't help us either. She loves kids and would get very excitable around them which could have been dangerous.

In the end I would politely say no, sorry, we are in training and cut it off there. Made my body language fairly clear whilst keeping her sitting or whatever. Saying that seems far more effective for me than a long apologetic sentence.

Good luck and pic please!!!!

qazxc · 29/05/2019 15:26

What do you mean by fuss? Do you not want people to stroke/pet/touch her or do you want people to not interact with dog in any way (ie no talking to dog)?
If it's the first, just say no you can't pet her, she's not trained yet and I'm afraid she might hurt you.
If it's the second a coat like Pipandmum describes is probably best, although many kids might not be able to read so will still say hello to your dog.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 29/05/2019 15:27

Can you get her one of those collars that tell people to stay back. A friend has one for her jack russell

WildFlower2019 · 29/05/2019 15:28

"Sorry not today, she's in training"

And

"Forward, forward" (to your dog before anybody gets the opportunity to ask.)

Headphones also work (big obvious ones)

As you can tell, I don't like people touching my dog. I walk past people with a sense or purpose so they rarely even get the opportunity to ask 😂

ChocChocButtons · 29/05/2019 15:28

I teach my kids to ask first and if the owner says no then we respect that. Some parents think those children are the sun and must be revolved around.

Your not unreasonable at all.

Pk37 · 29/05/2019 15:30

That’s fine but you do sound a bit shitty about people asking questions about your dog.
Doesn’t bother me and I’m happy to answer any questions.
When he was training I just said “ no sorry I’m training him at the moment” never had any of what you describe.

Ravingstarfish · 29/05/2019 15:31

Stay firm about it. I can’t stand parents who are lax about their kids petting dogs, yours might be fine but it doesn’t mean they all are! My son always asks, he asked an elderly lady to pet her dog, she said yes. He crouched down and the bloody thing went for him! She said ‘oh did she get you? She bit a toddlers face the other day.’ Wtf?! Anyway my point is, you’re doing the right thing so carry on!

stucknoue · 29/05/2019 15:33

Just got back from the park and multiple kids chasing after my dog who doesn't like kids so runs away from them (he just keeps his distance playing with his ball) I got complaints because the kids couldn't stroke him, but he's just not the kind of dog that allows strangers to touch him