To say no, you can't pet the dog

[SheLoves]

I've been working hard to train my very excitable and large rescue puppy, she pulls/lunges and will jump up on strangers to say hi - her paws will easily reach a child's face.

She's amazing in the house and has come far, she has now stopped jumping up at visitors, she knows she'll only get fuss once all four paws are on the floor.

But she has very little no impulse control when we're out and about, but to strangers she looks adorable - wagging tail, happy face, pulling to meet them. 'Oh what a lovely dog! Awwww HELLO, HELLO!' Which makes the bloody pup 100 times worse

She's in a double lead harness so I have full control, and can tell when she's getting worked up and I distract with treats/go a different way/give lots of space.

I've had to get really harsh as I want to train her that pulling/jumping/high excitement does not get fuss, so I've started saying no when people approach her (even if I've quite obviously moved away from them).

It's half term so the amount of kids happily playing around the area has exploded and the pup draws a lot of attention. I have to say 'sorry, she's a puppy and she's learning so until she's very good you can't fuss her yet but hopefully next time' - usually the kids ask a few questions (what does she eat? children and what is she? exhausting and that's that - controlled dog, no reward for her pulling/over excitement.

The problem is when the parents are with the kids! I've had quite a few 'no need to be rude' or 'well my daughter loves dogs she wouldn't mind' and bitchy death looks from adults.

I'm sure you would mind if my puppy put a claw in your daughter's eye or scraped her face!

I'm just trying to be a responsible dog owner. AIBU to feel I can't do wrong for right? Any advice what I can say that might be better received?!

Sorry Adobe I meant do you muzzle your dog as well as the other stuff ? If they are prone to a bit of grumpiness ? a genuine question as some people seem dead set against the use of a muzzle and others seem to be more open to the idea. That's not me having a go at you, you know your dog and I don't

I just had both.

Couple of small children. The first waited for me to get him Sat, interested in some cheese, then stroked the back of his neck. Kid's mum thanked me!!

The other went to strike his nose, with a sweet in her hand. No, he didn't get the sweet, or the fingers, but mum looked a bit nervous .

Then we got mugged by another puppy, off lead, followed by doting mum and dad, my age (50s). Oh how proud the were that Max (we call him Mad) was making a new friend... Well, I had mine on a two ended lead for a fucking reason!!!

I had to decide whether to let go and wait for it all to calm down or just chance my hands and dig my 17kg monster out from under tiny Max.

Fortunately Max didn't like being stood on by a more bouncy, heavy puppy and yelped back to them. They started staring at me then... So, channeling this to thread, I said "that's why mine stays on a lead" and stomped off.

Half term... it's half bloody term. Off to the Forest bright and early tomorrow. Stay out if town...

It doesn’t matter how many times I say she is not friendly, she doesn’t want to say hello, she can bite, there’s always the stupid owner of the other dog telling me his dog is friendly and is only going to say hi or even telling me “what damage can she make if she bites my (insert large breed) dog?”

Or even worse, the twat who says ‘Well, it’ll teach my dog a lesson and sort him out if yours has a go at him’. It’s not my dog’s job to teach yours some fucking manners! Also, I don’t want either dog injured. People are incredibly ignorant and often think they know my dog better than me.

OP, why are you worried about what strangers think of you? Tell them straight or you risk ruining all your hard work with her. You need to protect her from these idiots.

I hate other people allowing their dog to interrupt mine when we’re training, it’s rude and if I wanted to socialise, I’d come over. Given I’ve walked away from you five times already, you can take it that I am not interested and yes, my dog will have a go because he hates other dogs getting in his face.

Y'up.

We get all sorts... The Rotties have been stroked by strangers since they were knee high to nothing, but that slightly backfired a now they expect everyone to live them. We're getting there! Lots of people want to stop and talk about them and children have, on the whole, been good but adults have been a little more pushy.

The GSD is very pretty and very floofy and most people want to stroke her. Whilst the Rotties will love anybody and everybody, the GSD is friendly but nervous. The number of people who, despite being told she's nervous, still try and stroke her is ridiculous. Thankfully she just leans back or steps away.

I'm orff to look at the in-training jackets.

I have two dogs. One is super friendly and one hates children touching her due to being mishandled and thrown about by children when she was a puppy - I always tell the children not to pet her as she will bite.

Could you imagine the reaction if someone posted saying a puppy bit their child. Everyone would be saying the owner should have told you!

YANBU whatsoever, but if you just explain why, albeit briefly then people will understand!

I just want to say thank you for being a responsible dog owner. My children have all had negative experiences with young dogs being allowed to bounce around off lead with no recall. My eldest was knocked flying by a beautiful but very large husky puppy when she was 2. She was winded and had a scratch to the face. He was just playing but at age 12 she is still terrified of all dogs.

It's not the only bad experience and each one has been a lovely dog but a useless owner! I think you're doing the right thing, screw what anyone else thinks!!

FWIW I always make my 5 year old ask if it's ok to stroke any dogs we see. I'm teaching her to be responsible around dogs too. It works both ways.

frumpety sometimes yes, depends where we are really. Muzzle is always in my pocket anyway and if it's quiet I don't put it on. However if it's a busy area then yes, it's safer for him.
I will add hes grumpy but hasn't bitten and I'm not sure if he would, it's a chance I'd much rather not take with him though.

@CuriousaboutSamphire I think a lovely quiet forest is a blood brilliant idea. I think I'll do the same the rest of the week.

OP, why are you worried about what strangers think of you?

sob because my skin is so thin and I take the comments/looks to heart. I know I'm doing the right thing by putting training ahead of their desire to pet her, but I feel like the wicked witch of the area... :(

On your first point:

Do not let people pet. Period.

I’m quite sure many people think I’m very rude because I just say no thank you and carry on walking!

But allowing it as a puppy seriously set me back because she then wanted to run and jump at everyone and she isn’t small!

I don’t faff around explaining or making excuses, just a simple ‘no thank you’.

As an adult dog she doesn’t want petting from strangers, she wants to enjoy her walk and has very little interest in people, on the rare occasion I’ve stopped to talk to someone and they’ve gone to touch her she’ll actually shirk her head away and start whining to resume the walk after a few seconds of sitting.

On your second point of dogs approaching.

I never allow a leashed greeting so a request for that is an automatic ‘no thank you’ whilst walking away.

The best thing imo is a solid heel and a solid sit stay under distraction.

So if a dog comes barrelling over you can heel your dog and keep walking or put your dog in a sit while you wait for the owner to retrieve their dog.

@Fucksandflowers the idea of my puppy sitting, staying or heeling on command is a long, long, long way off I think! She doesn't know any commands at all.

She's had no training whatsoever.

I'm starting from scratch with a 15kg leggy, energetic mass of craziness that's probably spent it's first months getting away with murder...

:(

Those parents are BVU and stupid. Why would you encourage your DC to approach an unknown dog on a lead and ignore the owner when they say the dog isn't trained? Ridiculous - bad manners and also dangerous.

the idea of my puppy sitting, staying or heeling on command is a long, long, long way off I think! She doesn't know any commands at all

Is she really into high value treats or a ball or tuggy?

If so, I would advise shoving the treat, tuggy whatever right under nose on sighting the other dog and walk briskly repeating ‘heel’ or whatever command word at a distance where the reward is better than the other dog then gradually reduce the rewards.
She should get it quickly and if you continue walking briskly ignoring the other dog she has no real opportunity to react.

Don’t waste any time engaging with the owner, asking them to recall or anything, completely ignore and walk. Don’t stop.

YANBU and you're doing the right thing by being responsible and teaching your dog to be gentle and calm.

You don’t have german shepherds do you

I’ve never ever had this issue. I could beg someone to stroke them and they probably wouldn’t!

My son loves dogs. He has been taught that he must speak to the owner first to ask permission and if they say no, they say no. End of story. Smile and walk away! What is wrong with people?!

My latest golden really only likes fuss from her family- she will back away from everyone else. She's not nasty, and is pretty well trained, just not sociable.
The number of people who just see a golden retriever and think that she's automatically going to like being patted, hugged and generally mauled by all and sundry is amazing. Some don't take no for an answer.
I try polite first, walk on briskly etc. I do explain to children who ask if they can stroke her that she doesn't really like it. But adults who don't listen? I just tell them straight no.

I think there is an other way... yes tell people that you are training your dog. But you want your dog being able to be safe around children. The best way to achieve this, is by teaching your dog a down position. When people ask to fuss your dog, but her in a down position, let child approach & fuss all calm and with as it is more difficult to jump around.

The best way to achieve this, is by teaching your dog a down position. When people ask to fuss your dog, but her in a down position, let child approach & fuss all calm and with as it is more difficult to jump around

I have a potential issue with this.
A down is quite a submissive, trusting position and some dogs who may have been comfortable being petted in a sit might feel a bit scared being petted by someone they don’t know crouched and looming over them.

Any tips for the best command to start with teaching? She's settled in now so I think training commands now is right timing. She's booked into classes in July but at the moment she'd never focus with so many puppies about.

I've fostered lots of adult dogs but can you tell I'm new to puppyhood!

Socialising is also a massive part of training.

My sisters dogs have neckerchiefs saying I bite dont let me.

I know what you mean I’d hate it as well! I’d try not to go into too many details and just power through them all as fast as poss. Just a smiley ‘not today sorry!’ As I speed past - it’s like what I do when I see someone coming towards me in the street with a clipboard. I start panicking and thinking oh shit I’m going to be standing here with them for 20 minutes unless I’m strong 😅😂.

Ignore the parents, they’ve got a cheek to even question you so get a bit angry about that! Not to them personally but as in what they think being important, they have no right to question your judgment!

I was in a restaurant recently where a couple were training a guide dog puppy and my daughter was beside herself, she loves all animals. I said you’re not allowed to interact with that one cos he’s learning and the lady heard me and said thanks for that you wouldn’t believe the amount of kids / people who come over and touch him anyway even when she explains why they mustn’t. She told my daughter why she mustn’t touch a dog that is working etc. My daughter kept looking over at the dog throughout dinner and when the couple had finished they bought him over and said my daughter could stroke him now. I thought that was a really nice thing to do 😊

Yanbu. I’ve taught my kids to always ask first before they pet a dog we don’t know, and I wouldn’t be offended by what you said.