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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no, you can't pet the dog

112 replies

SheLoves · 29/05/2019 15:08

I've been working hard to train my very excitable and large rescue puppy, she pulls/lunges and will jump up on strangers to say hi - her paws will easily reach a child's face.

She's amazing in the house and has come far, she has now stopped jumping up at visitors, she knows she'll only get fuss once all four paws are on the floor.

But she has very little no impulse control when we're out and about, but to strangers she looks adorable - wagging tail, happy face, pulling to meet them. 'Oh what a lovely dog! Awwww HELLO, HELLO!' Which makes the bloody pup 100 times worse Angry

She's in a double lead harness so I have full control, and can tell when she's getting worked up and I distract with treats/go a different way/give lots of space.

I've had to get really harsh as I want to train her that pulling/jumping/high excitement does not get fuss, so I've started saying no when people approach her (even if I've quite obviously moved away from them).

It's half term so the amount of kids happily playing around the area has exploded and the pup draws a lot of attention. I have to say 'sorry, she's a puppy and she's learning so until she's very good you can't fuss her yet but hopefully next time' - usually the kids ask a few questions (what does she eat? children and what is she? exhausting and that's that - controlled dog, no reward for her pulling/over excitement.

The problem is when the parents are with the kids! I've had quite a few 'no need to be rude' or 'well my daughter loves dogs she wouldn't mind' and bitchy death looks from adults.

I'm sure you would mind if my puppy put a claw in your daughter's eye or scraped her face!

I'm just trying to be a responsible dog owner. AIBU to feel I can't do wrong for right? Any advice what I can say that might be better received?!

OP posts:
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PetrichorRain · 29/05/2019 15:33

I've taught 4.5 year old DS to always ask dog owners if he can stroke their dogs. If anyone ever says no, I'm just grateful to receive the implicit warning not to let him get too close. I think the parents are being unreasonable here, not you.

DannyWallace · 29/05/2019 15:35

Yup I'm with you.
I have 2 rescue dogs (both adopted as puppies) and while both of them are so friendly, one gets terrified of over excited children are around (you know, the type to scream, run towards him wanting to cuddle him). He's small and cute so gets it a lot.

He backs off and barks if they get too close, and I say (as nicely as I can) "no, he gets scared easily and doesn't like people going to close or touching him"...and then they carry on with the parents saying "don't worry, he's good with dogs".

HES CLEARLY FUCKING NOT GOOD WITH DOGS SEEING AS HES TRYING TO CHASE MY CLEARLY TERRIFIED DOG WHO IS ON A LEAD!!

MyKingdomForACaramel · 29/05/2019 15:35

The thing is - kids will take no notice of the leads/jackets so you’re likely to end up in the same situation sadly.

Stick a muzzle on her - then no one will approach Wink

The thing is that- with the best will in the world, this will happen particularly if your dog is cute so part of your training does need to include getting her to ignore those who make a fuss. It is hard - my dog who’s pretty young does still jump up if someone comes swooping towards him giving him attention, but my thoughts are - if they do that - they should expect his excited reaction. He is small though which makes a difference!

Elphame · 29/05/2019 15:37

I know how it feels! My pup was unbearably cute and got loads of attention as a baby.

He's still very cute (looks like a teddy bear) and I am sick to the back teeth of children rushing up and bear hugging him. Luckily he is very tolerant of them but the next dog they try that on might not be.

I am getting gradually less and less polite about it

MyKingdomForACaramel · 29/05/2019 15:38

Oh the other thing I said a lot was that “he jumps up and may knock your child over” that tended to work!

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 15:39

I watched a situation unfold the other day. Dog owner was distracted, parent wasn't paying attention, small child, about two years old, went up to the dog, and was 'patting' around the rear end, the dog not liking the attention, and then I'll swear, that poor dog got a finger up the butt! The dog was bloody surprised, but bless it, didn't lash out. By that point I was near enough to bring it to the attention of the parent and dog owner, but that could really have been nasty.

Kids really need to be taught dog etiquette, and parents must be attentive and enforce it. (Our primary school used to do lessons in it, and put notices in the newsletter about it, which was great).

So unfair on the dogs and the children, and so much potential for permanent and serious damage to be done to either party.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 15:39

Can you get a muzzle for a Bull Terrier?

I'm off out with mine in a bit. See who we can rustle up for some socialisation training. Calling all screaming toddlers....

madcatladyforever · 29/05/2019 15:40

I agree say she bites but that wont put them off. My cat is vicious but when i tell guests she bites they still pet her then get angry when she sinks the fangs in.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 15:40

OMG! DO NOT Google muzzle fo English Bull Terrier

Frankly - they're fucking terrifying!

Cherrypies · 29/05/2019 15:41

Go later or earlier to the park, when the kids are not up yet, or gone home for teaSmile

RiftGibbon · 29/05/2019 15:41

My DC is a great lover of dogs, despite having been scared by some when much smaller (were walking in park, owner wasn't controlling dog which jumped up and knocked DC over backwards).
DC knows to always ask the owner to stroke the dog. And if a 'no' is given to still say "thankyou". I would certainly not be annoyed with any dog owner who said no, for whatever reason.
You're doing exactly the right thing.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 15:42

Go later or earlier to the park, when the kids are not up yet, or gone home for tea How do you socialise them (kids and dogs alike) if you do that?

LadyRannaldini · 29/05/2019 15:42

As long as you keep it under control and it doesn't stick its slobbering chops into the face of a one year old in a buggy, as happened to us some years ago. Luckily having hard, frozen food in a bag meant I could get it off the poor child quickly.

Palaver1 · 29/05/2019 15:43

I love this thread..lol oh

Gravelface · 29/05/2019 15:43

There's a fab bib type thing in Amazon that says "IN TRAINING!". I might get it.

A coat would be too hot for my dog and I use specific types of lead so this bib looks great and is pretty clear, ha!

Karigan195 · 29/05/2019 15:46

Actually I think you might be going about it the wrong way. Instead of no how about using the kids as s training aid. Say ‘only if you can do exactly as I say and not touch her until she’s sat down etc’. She needs to learn and socialise so if they must ask use them....

sleepismysuperpower1 · 29/05/2019 15:48

get one of these coats and people usually stay away x

dottiedodah · 29/05/2019 15:49

Our dog attracts a lot of children ,she is fully grown but a breed that children all seem to love!.If your pup is in training ,maybe try to take her out at less busy times (not easy I know!).The facts are that children and parents will want to fuss her .You are doing all the right things I think .keep going .My old dog was very boisterous and knocked my friends little girl over!.It will get easier as she gets older and learns the rules .If people get funny about its their problem really .Unless you have a vicious dog ,then you may have to run with it for the moment .If they get knocked over its tough luck!

gingersausage · 29/05/2019 15:49

Why do people expect to be allowed to touch other peoples’ dogs though?

If I saw a cute child and stroked it, the mother would be on here screeching about weirdos, yet my dog is supposed to be well trained enough that all and sundry can get in his space.

My dogs don’t like people very much, yet I’m supposed to be apologetic if you ask to touch them. Just leave them alone and I’ll leave you alone.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 29/05/2019 15:50

DD used to be scared of dogs but we slowly socialised and introduced her to various dogs and loves them now.

The main rule was and still is do not pet/fuss over a dog you don't know unless the owner invites you to or you ask permission first. The majority said yes, some said no and it was easily sorted with "wave bye bye to the doggy" and move on. She (or anyone) doesn't have the right to touch or cuddle a dog just because it's there.

We walk through the woods sometimes and it's scary how some kids go bouncing at random dogs walking / running past.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 15:50

I do that Karigan It's not hat part of it I have an issue owth. It's the tears, tantrums and filthy looks, even mutterings of "spoilsport" I don't undertsand. That is, I think, what OP was saying initially.

It's madness.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 15:52

I'm getting one of these. That'll sort it Grin

To say no, you can't pet the dog
pigsDOfly · 29/05/2019 15:52

Why lie and make our your dog is bitey when she isn't. She might actually end up with a local reputation as 'the dog that bites'.

Just tell people the truth, if they don't like it or think you're miserable, so be it, not your problem.

Karigan's idea is quite good actually.

Sobeyondthehills · 29/05/2019 15:53

I have a dog aggressive dog and find that people tend to ignore the coats, collars, leads.

I always get the whole, but my dog is friendly, but my dog just wants to play.

While I am 99% sure he would be fine round children, I am also not willing to take the risk

So now he is muzzled for his own safety and the amount of people wanting to touch him is nil.

Its lovely to be able to go for a walk and not be bothered.

I have also in the past used a policeman stop hand signal, if you don't want to go down the muzzle route. Just put your hand up and say stop in a firm voice. I have found the majority of adults and nearly all kids will stop to give enough time for me to say sorry he doesn't like being petted by strangers.

Oh here, is my cat, stroke him at your own risk

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 29/05/2019 15:54

So no YANBU it's your dog, you know it and I'd always assume you have a good reason for saying no(from dog being a tad unsafe due to excitement to I don't bloody like kids and neither does my dog).