To say no, you can't pet the dog

[SheLoves]

I've been working hard to train my very excitable and large rescue puppy, she pulls/lunges and will jump up on strangers to say hi - her paws will easily reach a child's face.

She's amazing in the house and has come far, she has now stopped jumping up at visitors, she knows she'll only get fuss once all four paws are on the floor.

But she has very little no impulse control when we're out and about, but to strangers she looks adorable - wagging tail, happy face, pulling to meet them. 'Oh what a lovely dog! Awwww HELLO, HELLO!' Which makes the bloody pup 100 times worse

She's in a double lead harness so I have full control, and can tell when she's getting worked up and I distract with treats/go a different way/give lots of space.

I've had to get really harsh as I want to train her that pulling/jumping/high excitement does not get fuss, so I've started saying no when people approach her (even if I've quite obviously moved away from them).

It's half term so the amount of kids happily playing around the area has exploded and the pup draws a lot of attention. I have to say 'sorry, she's a puppy and she's learning so until she's very good you can't fuss her yet but hopefully next time' - usually the kids ask a few questions (what does she eat? children and what is she? exhausting and that's that - controlled dog, no reward for her pulling/over excitement.

The problem is when the parents are with the kids! I've had quite a few 'no need to be rude' or 'well my daughter loves dogs she wouldn't mind' and bitchy death looks from adults.

I'm sure you would mind if my puppy put a claw in your daughter's eye or scraped her face!

I'm just trying to be a responsible dog owner. AIBU to feel I can't do wrong for right? Any advice what I can say that might be better received?!

Slight aside but as sooooo many people I know have now got dogs I have my own "thing" I do with them...
If the dog wants a fuss from me they have to be polite. Usually sit down. Then they get the fuss!
If they jump up I back away, turn away from them.
When they are calm I give them fuss again.
It has worked really well! I can give lots of fuss and don't get jumped on.

It is hard, I had a jumper, and had to ask people to wait until the dog was calm and then approach at her level rather than standing. I think it's fine to say that the dog is young and needs to learn some manners so they can pet him/her once settled. That way both the children and the dog learn something - hopefully.

As for a parent saying their child is fine with dogs etc, that's just plain daft, but all you need to do is say that sadly not everybody is, so you need to train the dog accordingly.

A coat might help, but I'm not sure about the labelled leads - I suspect it would be too late by the time someone registers, if they even understand what it tells them.

I guess while it is so busy, I might try and go at quieter times, but total avoidance of other people certainly won't help in the long run.

Best of luck, and lots of puppy fun to you.

Or one of these?

DS knows to ask and he also knows if the owner says no, that's it, he must not touch the dog.

If he's sad about it we talk afterwards about possible reasons why the answer was no. Mostly he's fine though, I've been drumming this into him since he was tiny because we have family members with dogs.

Definitely go with the vest.

My Rottweiler has a vest and a muzzle...the vest says "FRIENDLY" though, the muzzle is because he eats stones anything/everything. It does work though, when he's off lead and bounds around I can see people's face change from fear to friendliness!

My dog is a little furry cutie - a Havanese. Her fur is really long and soft and she has a little topknot to keep her eyes clear! She is a magnet for children but they make her nervous and I worry she'll nip.
If im at the school, I normally pick her up, control her head and tell them to stroke her side, gently.
If it's some random child in the street I'll just say no, she's too afraid because you are so big, and then smile at them kindly. I've never had a problem with parents eyeballing me.
She's absolutely awesome with visitors to our home, including children that she knows so I don't pressure her to change her attitude to strangers.
Op, you have a great attitude to your dog's personality and development!!

YANBU
I have taught all mine to ask first, it was harder with DS2 as he lived with a dog and as a small child assumed all dogs were as good natured and sociable as ours. If the owner says no, you walk away without any fuss. Even I ask, although I swear dogs know a dog person when they see one, like the soaking wet lab who came and leaned against my leg after a swim in the sea this morning ,the staffy I smiled at who dragged its owner across the beach for a tummy rub and the collie who's owners had stopped chucking its stick for it so it decided I looked like a human who would play

As it will soon be too hot for a coat, one of these would be great.

www.dfordog.co.uk/printed-dog-message-vest.html

Scroll down to 'Back off please, I'm training' option. You have several size options and I think you can choose the colour you want too. You can actually have a message of your choice printed. You can also get leads which say 'in training', or 'caution', for example, if you want to send a clear message that your pup should not be approached. If people/ kids still ask, I would just say: not today, sorry, she is very excitable and I'm trying to get her out of the habit of jumping up at people. If they think you're rude, that's their issue... More rude of them to be so insistent and pushy, I say.

YANBU. This INFURIATES me as a dog walker and as a parent. My DC have been taught that if a dog is on a lead, they MUST ask if they can pet the dog. And for dogs off the lead, they must approach cautiously and let the dog sniff their hands. Nothing is more annoying than when parents get all snippy with the dog owner for wanting to protect both the dog and passer bys.

My dog is brilliant with children. Except if she's tied up and not with me - As a result, if i have to tie her up, I do so far away from any paths or people but where I can still watch her (eg if I have to go into playground there's a little thicket of bushes/trees and I take her into that and tie her up, away from passers by). And yet the number of children whose parents are quite happy as they toddle over to have a cuddle amaze me. Why why why would you approach a dog tied up, away from the crowds?

@CuriousaboutSamphire dear lord. He looks like he’d wash down the children when some favs beans and a nice chianti!

I'm seriously considering getting one of these for my rescue. She's little and cute, so people want to fuss her, but because of the first two years of her life she hates being approached by strangers.

Also:
www.amazon.co.uk/Colour-PREVENTS-Accidents-Warning-Advance/dp/B01IT5BCJ0/ref=sr_1_22?s=gateway&keywords=message+dog+lead&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1559142760&sr=8-22

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01IT5BJZC/ref=twister_B01J1Y3UAC?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

YANBU. Was out with my small dog who does not like people (except his family, and any cat or dog) and a 9/10 year old asked to pet him. I said not really as he doesn't like it. He asked if he could try and I said yes if he wanted, when he did this, the dog moved away. Fine. Then he waited until my dog looked away and touched him!
I wish I'd told that stupid child off, he was very lucky to not get bitten. My poor dog jumped out of his skin.

@SheLoves - you can get personalised coats here 😊

www.saintroch.co.uk/personalised-printed-dog-coats-flo-yellow.html

My friend trains guide dog puppies, despite the bright blue vest on the dog saying "Guide Dog in training" and the lead which has it on, and the fucking great big coat my friend wears that says Guide dog Trainer the number of people asking to pet the dog is astounding.

People get really arsey about us saying no. We explain that this is a service dog in training. She is not to be petted. Yes, yes, of course she is adorable (Labrador/Retriever cross) but still no. But we do say, if you see us again walking the dog and she doesn't have her vest on (lots of free running) then you can stroke her then.

OP I would say she jumps and I wouldn't want her to scratch your child's face. True and any decent parent would respect that.

Some people listen to dog owners, some other don’t and In that I include other dog owners. I do have a mega beta rescue dog that has been attacked by other dogs repeatedly, she is quite small as well and looks as cute as a teddy bear. If a dog gets near she gets scared, if she is cornered, she will panic and can bite.

It doesn’t matter how many times I say she is not friendly, she doesn’t want to say hello, she can bite, there’s always the stupid owner of the other dog telling me his dog is friendly and is only going to say hi or even telling me “what damage can she make if she bites my (insert large breed) dog?”

I wish I could say outright the warning that is behind my words: Okay, let’s me explain in detail... if you insist in getting your fecking big dog near mine, mine will bite, and when your dog bites back, I will defend my little dog with all my might even if that means kicking your dog to avoid it killing mine. Are we clear?

I have a colleague that has exactly the opposite problem, has an old lab with a friendly face but who goes for small dogs. He says he crosses the street to stop other people bringing their dogs close to say “hello”.

I think people should stop petting other people’s dogs, honestly, the dogs wouldn’t miss it.

Absolutely just say no. Gosh, I wish more dog owners are as conscientious as you are. 95% of the ones I meet around here are of the "It doesn't matter if my very large muddy dog knocks over your frightened toddler or jumps up on your pram and startles your sleeping baby because he's just being friendly!" variety.

I'd actually like it if someone said no to my kids. I've taught them that they always ask first etc etc and they always do. However it would be good if we came across someone who said NO just to prove to them why they should ask iyswim.

YANBU.... Have trained DD to ask the owner first and accept a no!

I like the jacket advice. OP I feel your pain it can get really annoying. Our dog is same. I literally stopped taking my dog to school run because people let their kids constantly wind her up, regardless of me clearly kiffuffling with her to calm her down! Grrr! When she was a tiny puppy she would pee with new company as got too exited and this woman came up and watched her pee on me (was carrying her) and continued to try clap her... I actually was then "rude" . Brillant work you are doing by sounds of it.

It is really hard. It's one of the reasons jumping up is a hard behaviour to train out of dogs - because it's self-rewarding! Someone goes to say hello to dog, dog jumps and dog gets attention from that person.

What we do is say "yes, you can stroke him but he needs to be sitting down first" - then get the dog into a sit/down and then get him on a tight lead, and get the child approach gently.

I do think dogs need to be well socialised and part of that is been able to tolerate handling by strangers. That doesn't mean let anyone come up and poke the dog, but as you're always going to have someone who doesn't listen to you, it's in the dogs best interest to be able to be as tolerant as possible.

Ours attracted a lot of attention as a puppy and we were always happy to answer questions about him. It's good and healthy for dogs to meet new people and to be able to cope in lots of different situations.

DforDog do Harness cover where you can put your own words. I used to be plagued by idiots who thought the rules did not apply to them. The coat goes over the head and fixes under the body. Mine is yellow as dog owners are supposed to understand the significance . It says KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. It has completely changed my walks and bus journeys. You can have any colour or size and any wording.

I have a bit of a grump for a dog. I'm aware of this so he wears a bright red harness that has "DO NOT TOUCH ME" in huge letters across it, a bright red bandana that reads "CAUTION" and just for good measure his lead is red and printed "CAUTION" too.

This does not stop a small percentage of the general public who firmly believe they are fucking dog whisperers. I know my dog, I know he won't like you. I want you to keep back not get on your hands and knees proclaiming 'Oh he won't bother me I'm good with dogs!'. They seem most shocked when he growls at them rather than their expected submission.

I have concluded that for some folk he could be wearing a big, red flashing beacon with a megaphone pronouncing "DONT TOUCH ME!" and they would still try. Idiots. So yes, good luck OP.

Adobe do you muzzle your dog in public if it is prone to aggression ?

I really appreciate those that appreciate a non-jumping up dog! The pics have cheered me up. Thank you.

Urg, can I add a second gripe? Other dog owners who let their uncontrolled off-lead dog approach mine.

"Oh he's just saying hello" they say, beaming with pride, while I'm sweating and having my own shoulder dislocated by my now over excited pup who is lunging to play and then the owner starts on the
"oh she's so lovely helloooo, helloooo, she loves me doesn't she?!" she loves everyone and if I don't get her distracted within 3 seconds then her frustrated barking will start. They let the dog approach when I clearly, from a distance, go the OTHER way.

It's so tough getting the balance between training and positive socialisation. Definitely not winning at the moment.