To think my DF is being ripped off.

[Faultymain5]

My DF decided to go on holiday with his cousins to celebrate another cousin's 70th birthday.

From UK to US (Orlando).

He paid £900 to include flight and accommodation (airbnb between 6 adults (2 kids but I wouldn't count them and clearly they haven't). I was told that should be more than enough (so assume there is some money left over, but never told how much). Flights are about £500 for economy. Accommodation could be pricey they went for 3 weeks.

My dad is terrible with money and has memory issues after a stroke (but has always been allowed to be terrible with money), so normally I or my mum will travel with him (spoil him) and ensure that he's spending reasonable sums. I gave my Cousin £200 (this is to pay for any places they need to get to). I gave my dad £400, this equated to slightly over $500. I gave him $400 and $100 in a separate bag (in case of emergencies).

After day 7 I get asked for £40 as he wants to give $50 to his cousin for her birthday. I had to speak to him, as I felt that he should have more than enough for him (considering there is an emergency fund).

I got a message back from my cousin today saying my DF has around $150 left and they've got 9 days so it might be tight giving her $50. How in seven days do they get through $600? I know it's Orlando and I haven't been for a while, but still. One person who has paid all accommodation and flights, couldn't possibly have used all that up already could they?

I had to ask what they were doing and informed them that they need to cut their cloth accordingly. Was I wrong to say that?

I know my Dad is rubbish with money (his fault and mum's for enabling), however he's also 73 years old, doesn't work, so I'm not sure everything they're doing he needs to be doing too. Should I just send the extra money?

$30 a day wouldn’t cover food unless he is buying ready meals, proper food in US supermarkets is very expensive.

@GoodbyeRosie, I think I have a right to be defensive, when I'm told I have allocated the money, when in fact I haven't, that was decided by the people going on holiday. Which I have explained in my follow up post.

The number one thing I wanted to do was hand over the money and forget about it.

@dustarr7, it makes him happy. There's no reason to cook everyday, but no reason to eat out everyday either.

$600 for ten days? Do I have that right?

I do think you're having a bit of a hard time here OP with some of the additional info you've provided. It now seems your dad is 73 and not going to theme parks, doing all the cooking for everyone, there to celebrate a cousin's birthday, a cousin and family who frequently 'borrow' money off of him and don't repay it....

It does sound like he needs someone like you monitoring the situation (so his own extended family doesn't take advantage of him). I would also question why so much has been spent so quickly if everyone is contributing to the foot pot that your dad has graciously agreed to cook daily.

So frankly he shouldn't be pressured into handing over an additional £50 to the cousin as a present; he's there, celebrating with and cooking for cousin and everyone, that is his present.

Well, I budget £100 a day for myself, not including attractions at the price they would be in Fl. I budget that for trips to include food and transport. I might eat out one day and cost nearly £100, but another I might have a sarnie for £10.

But you still haven't told us whether the extra money he needs/wants is your own personal money or whether it's his own money.

I think you need a serious reality check, OP. Thank you, I have been given that. Since I didn't dictate the spending money, I think they have been given a healthy dose of reality also.

There is no way that an AirBnb in Orlando for 8 people would have cost £400 for his share of 3 weeks. No way. Well I was told it was more than enough, I can only go on what they have told me. I imagine I should expect another request for money after they have returned home.

I'm not sure how they would be subsidising him if they all brought the same amount. Just saying...

I think (and what no-one here is able to see), is that I'm pissed off, about being asked for more money. I would have known how much spending money was required if I'd organised it. I would have seen how much entry to theme parks etc were and given people options of what to do. There would have been a bloody itinerary, and I wouldn't be sorting out sending more money from a bank that takes 3 days to send money to me before I can send it over to them. More than anything it feels disorganised and I was trusting the younger cousin to do it right. Actually, now I know what I'm pissed about. Thanks for all your help peeps.

HollowTalk

What difference does it make my lovely, I'm the one that has to send it.

I am just back from a 6 day trip to Chicago, and I spent more than your initial $500, -I brought $600 ( budget was 100 a day including travelling to and from airport home) came home with $100 but I did put some things on credit card, so I agree with other comments you may have underestimated the cost of daily living in the us, in my case work paid for accommodation and any meals I had in hotel, so I'm not talking three meals a day , so we are just talking taxi fares and some meals out and the odd stopping off for coffees, etc looking at receipts I have here one evening meal in an Irish bar type place, so not fancy dinning, dinner for two, with 2 bears each was $75, another lunch in a pasta place with no drinks was $24, a doughnut and two large bottles of water in a 711 was $ 9, my average taxi fare was $10 but you have tipping on top. its a long time since I was in Orlando but I don't recall it being any cheaper than Chicago.

You talk about your dads inability to budget but was there a plan to do a lot of shopping and cook for themselves? yes 600 in 7 days is a lot as with a group there should be some economy of scale - and you have already contributed to his taxis but you need to talk to your dad find out what park passes etc he's paid for as they are really pricy ( about £30-40 a day I recall, sometimes more) you may be right he's going along with other plans he doesn't need to as they would be more for the kids, but its hard not to on a family holiday.

It makes the difference because it's not your savings to be handwriting, penny pinching and deciding how it is spent.

*handwringing

Of course it makes a difference! If he's asking for money from you personally, then you have the right to say no. If he's asking for access to his own money, then surely that's up to him?

"it makes him happy. There's no reason to cook everyday, but no reason to eat out everyday either."
Wtf! Just because he is 73 why do you expect him to have a 'home from home' holiday? What is the point in travelling several thousand miles to sit in someone else's place and cooking? That is not a holiday. He may as well be in Blackpool.

There is so much to see and do in Orlando. The days are long and it isn't dark until late. People with mobility issues are taken to the front of queues in all theme parks and 'seniors' (classed as over 50 ) are treated well.
If he is stuck in an Airbnb scrimping and missing out on all there is to offer then it is a bloody waste of time going.

I wouldn't dream of eating any meals in on holiday. It's meant to be a break from routine.

You say you didn't decide on the budget. Does that mean his cousin decided how much spending money your DF would take? When did get last go there - could they be out of touch? You can't compare it to going to somewhere like Spain.

Grocery shopping in the US is not cheap, even if he was eating every meal at the Airbnb his budget would still not be enough.
Excursions for £200 is extremely cheap a one day ticket into Disney is just shy of £100 and that's one day when he's away for 21.
Perhaps the organiser has budgeted poorly and everyone else is the same, perhaps your father has bought gifts or souvenirs, it's a long way to go and pointless if you can't afford to go out and do things.
Send him more money and tell him to enjoy himself.

The small amount of spending money may have been suggested by someone else, but surely common sense would prevail and you'd have worked out that so little isn't sufficient on a three week holiday. Send him another decent amount so he can enjoy his holiday.

@INeedAFlerken Thanks, but I do concede, that I don't know how much everything costs, so they may very well have used up the money for stuff, I can see that now (not that that matters to the vipers who will keep harping on). I do agree with you about the food pot. He normally holidays very differently to everyone's descriptions of their Florida holidays, but maybe he is doing what everyone else is doing and feels he has to.

To be clear, he wants to give his cousin $50 dollars for her birthday. He hasn't seen her for a very long while. It's not much to us, but's that significant for him.

Do you have power of attorney or something? Unless you do, send him his own bloody money. He’s 73, that’s not that old and he’s a grown up. You’ve got no right to withhold his own money from him.

Still not sure if it's his money or yours?

OP, I probably would have expected you to do a quick check by looking up admission prices to theme parks and car hire prices to see if the budget was realistic even if you weren't organising it.

On the subject of transferring money between accounts, why is it taking 3 days? The 'Faster Payments' system takes 2 hours. Ask your bank about it.

Plus you started off saying you believe everyone is ripping him off! Everyone made it very clear that's not the case and probably your relatives have put their hands in their own pockets (not yours or your dad's!). Your itinerary would appear to include your dad not going to the parks, not eating out and sitting in the bnb on his own all day. I actually find that upsetting to be honest. My mum wanted more than anything to go on a cruise with her friend to the tune of 3k. We all told her yes she must stuff the money it's hers to spend! Unfortunately her health wouldn't allow it. This is probably the last trip your dad will ever make like this. Don't spoil it for him.

@EskewedBeef
I think you wanted me to do the thinking for everyone for a holiday I'm not going on. Sorry I've been a little too busy for that. I did his passport renewal, his Esta, and sent money over and carried him to the rendezvous point. I think I'm okay, for what I have to do for a holiday I'm not going on. By the way and for the record common sense is not very common. I also didn't know it was for 3 weeks until I got the text saying there was another 9 days to go. Thought he was back after the weekend. I'm still expecting those organising to organise. I now know better. Thank you for your input.

Who goes on holiday to cook everyday

Nobody. But we were in Orlando for 3 weeks last summer and we didn't eat out every meal either. We had a mix of eating out, takeaway and simple meals cooked in the apartment. I wasn't whipping up a three course meal, but shoving a pizza in the oven, cooking pasta and tipping over sauce, cooking pre-prepared marinated chicken and serving it with salad. Breakfast we always had in the villa.

There's a wide scale between "eating out every meal" and "sitting in the apartment eating cereal"

But yes, Orlando is pricey. Eating out is comparatively cheaper than the UK depending on where you go, especially if you're going to the family-friendly chains along International Drive. But I thought supermarket shopping was on the whole more expensive than the UK. Still can't get my head around how Florida actually grows oranges and watermelons, but they're cheaper to buy here.

Idon'twanttotalk - Please see above, I've done enough for a holiday I'm not going on.

thank you for your advice on the bank, however, where that money is doesn't do faster payments. When it lands into my account it will go faster payment, but it has to get here first.

Am I being unareasonable to think my DF is being ripped off.

Yes you are send him his money.

Okay I will send the money, I wasn't aware, but still maybe someone should have organised this better, I know I would have.

I'm going to ignore that you intend to send the money, but ask you the minute details of how your DF doesn't manage money and how you have no right to question anything about how it is spent.

Until such time he has none, then has to live off of me, since none of you will be helping him

That's my summation of this thread, thus far.

Thanks I started going backwards to respond, but I'm kind of done (have to work again). You've helped with the original query, I appreciate it. You don't get to know details of how we manage money as a family though. That's the one thing i don't need help with. If my DF complains, I might let you know, but rest assured things are as requested.

Sending my DDSDs to the USA this coming month and absolutely raging as well. My DOH has seen it fit to promise his DDs a trip there now, which we can't afford so I am now trying to save the stupidity from getting out of hand and make sure we as parents aren't paying more than we should. I have calculated $100 a day for food and activities, $100 for travel cards/passes and money for drinks and snacks on the plane £50 each way. This is roughly £900 for 8 days! Pocket money is separate as I insist that they fund that themselves since they are the ones that asked us to help with this, we didn't offer this trip. So we are looking at £1500 or more total. They will be staying with family so accommodation is not accounted for. I dare say your DF needs more money ;)